Comment from becky7777

Excellent

what a scary place. I dont think I would want to find out if I could leave alive. great scary poem and to make it an ottava rima really makes it better. good luck in the contest.
Becky

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009

Thanks so much, Becky, for your great comments and contest encouragement :-) Brooke

Comment from venusanblue

Excellent

I really enjoyed this poem. Haunted houses and avenging ghosts are favourites of mine. I enjoyed how the poem came together in a good story. Nice, V,xx

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2009

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2009

Thank you, V. Glad you enjoyed this spooky story :-) Brooke

Comment from bard owl

Excellent

Little is more horrifying than victims seeking revenge for untimely death. Excellent imagery in this horror tale, Brooke. Best of luck in the contest. Blessings, Linda

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2009

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2009

Thank you, Linda - I appreciate your encouraging words about this horror story :-) Brooke

Comment from jeana

Excellent

I enjoyed your peom It is horrific and the illustration truly accented your theme. It sounds like a terrible house to visit. I hope I never encounter it. I need to find out your author name, the book is going to publication soon Please pm me. jeana

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2009

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2009

Thank you, Jeana. Glad you enjoyed. Book going to publication??? Brooke

Comment from second thought

Exceptional

Somehow this is terrior at its best. Don't think I want to go anywhere near that place. Well I'm in the libary my time is about to run out. Darn my machine is down. Great terror.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2009

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2009

Thank you so much, my friend - I so appreciate this most generous response. I hate when library computers time out like that!!! Brooke :-)

Comment from LauraKatherine

Excellent

Truly creepy poem, Brooke. You've created an atmosphere that chills and horrifies. I like the use of the house as the narrator of the poem as he/she/it warns those who enter to "hide well your sins" if "you hope to emerge."

The blood of tot and mother mixed and flowed,
(This line reminded me of two things. One, the murder of Sharon Tate and her unborn baby. Two, Lady MacDuff and her child being slaughtered by Macbeth's men. The second situation is echoed in the following lines about the "father's heart" and I recall MacDuff's lines about needing to "feel it like a man.")

I can't comment on meter; right now I have an uptempo song stuck in my head and I can't get it out! It's severely hampering my ability to scan lines well. Still, from what I can judge, this flows well. (Why am I not surprised?)

Favorite phrases:
read the warnings writ in blood-smeared scrawls
The blood of tot and mother mixed and flowed,
Their need for vengeance heeds no plea nor prayer
Hide well your sins should you hope to emerge
from out my doors without a funeral dirge.

Masterful and creepy! Good luck in the contest. LK

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2009

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2009

I hate it when I get a song stuck in my head like that, especially since often it is a song I don't even like, such as a commercial jingle. Rarely do I get Penny Lane stuck like that! LOL I appreciate your most insightful comments :-) Brooke

Comment from Maurice WA Johnson

Excellent

Creepy! Superbe atmosphere, chilling delivery. A piece worthy of Victorian Gothica. Mary Shelly, eat your heart out! As usual, Brooke, I can't fault you on rhythm or rhyme. Best of luck (as if you need it) in the contest.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2009

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2009

Thank you, Maurice for your positive and encouraging comments :-) Brooke

Comment from HalfHoff

Excellent

I do NOT like spooky - being a life-time member, if not the founder of the Fraidy Cats of America. But for you, I read and review. I am just sooooooo glad that it is daytime now. This is a winner(?) in my book. XO

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2009

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2009

How does a ranching woman become a fraidy cat? Aren't Western women supposed to be independent and feisty and capable of going out into the wild and bringing home their own freshly killed meat??? LOL Thanks, my friend. Brooke :-)

reply by HalfHoff on 20-Oct-2009

can do all of the above --- just not in the dark. Dark is good for TWO things --- fireworks and well, you know. XO

Comment from jason456

Exceptional

This poem is amazing in the story it tells and the words you used to tell it. The imagery of the words and illustration you use make it feel as if I am in this scene. Extremely well written!
Patti

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2009

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2009

Patti, thank you. I so appreciate this wonderfully generous response to my grim tale :-) Brooke

Comment from babylonia

Excellent

brooke,
always great notes. LOL made me smile and giggle. so did the poem. LOL they are probably walking the halls of Fanstory. maybe we are dead and stuck inside the computer? LOL just kidding.
good luck~
love,
barbara

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2009

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2009

Thanks, Barabara - aren't you just in a gallows humor kind of mood?? LOL Brooke

reply by babylonia on 22-Oct-2009

brooke,
LOL that's me ... always looking for the bright side.
:P
love,
barbara