The Ice Princess
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Chapters 12 - 13 - 14"Love, Hate, Conflicts and Fear
21 total reviews
Comment from --Turtle.
Read this chapter.
Still not sure why you didn't want Trent to hear Sherrie's statement about stuff.
Also not sure why Trent had to remember her being a pshyco in iraq... I think it would be much more quick, simple and easy to tie off if he had seen her (which he did)... and then remembered her from the apartment. He could sense something off about her at the apartment like she was acting suspicious... not wanting to let him in, but not have to remember her from Iraq... the coincidence is a bit hard to swallow and I'm not sure it's needed as you gave Sherrie enough setup/ motive in the chapter where she was lovey to Trent... street smart and not quite classy. If you are still looking places to trim, that would be a good candidate.
This is all my opinion though, and I didn't see anything that I noticed in reading... I was focusing on plot flow here.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2009
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Read this chapter.
Still not sure why you didn't want Trent to hear Sherrie's statement about stuff.
Also not sure why Trent had to remember her being a pshyco in iraq... I think it would be much more quick, simple and easy to tie off if he had seen her (which he did)... and then remembered her from the apartment. He could sense something off about her at the apartment like she was acting suspicious... not wanting to let him in, but not have to remember her from Iraq... the coincidence is a bit hard to swallow and I'm not sure it's needed as you gave Sherrie enough setup/ motive in the chapter where she was lovey to Trent... street smart and not quite classy. If you are still looking places to trim, that would be a good candidate.
This is all my opinion though, and I didn't see anything that I noticed in reading... I was focusing on plot flow here.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2009
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turtlestage
That's exactly what I have been doing today..going through and cutting what isn't necessary for the story...kindof filler stuff. And you are correct the riaq stuff isn't necessary. I was trying to show that she'd been psycho before but I don't really need to do that. Thanks for rattling my cobwebs. Appreciate it very much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from MJMuraco
The suspense is building. Your descriptive imagery is done very well. I'm glad Macy is O.K. and up until she was brought out, I wondered about the outcome.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2009
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The suspense is building. Your descriptive imagery is done very well. I'm glad Macy is O.K. and up until she was brought out, I wondered about the outcome.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2009
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MJ
I so wanted to expand on that chapter but I ran out of 10000 words...sounds like a lot until you start writing a story. Thanks so much for continuing to read and provide you appreciated comments. Smiles, Carol
The final chapter is posted. Hope you like it!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Good, Good, Good. I'm glad the child wasn't hurt.
I was scared, mommy, really scared." (Macy is using Mommy as the name, so it's capitalised.)
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2009
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Good, Good, Good. I'm glad the child wasn't hurt.
I was scared, mommy, really scared." (Macy is using Mommy as the name, so it's capitalised.)
Comment Written 13-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2009
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Barbara
Thank you so much for reviewing. I shall fix that nit asap. Carol
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
So, Trent wasn't involved; just his girlfriend! Not sure what the last line means; Was Shaker in on the kidnapping? And why did he keep Trent out of the way? Surely it woulda been in his interest to have Trent blamed. Sorry, I'm a little slow sometimes :)
But, a great chapter, Carole.
John
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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So, Trent wasn't involved; just his girlfriend! Not sure what the last line means; Was Shaker in on the kidnapping? And why did he keep Trent out of the way? Surely it woulda been in his interest to have Trent blamed. Sorry, I'm a little slow sometimes :)
But, a great chapter, Carole.
John
Comment Written 12-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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John
No you are not slow..I realize that I didn't tie Sherrie and Shaker together and now I am working on that. Because of the word limit, I am struggling. I thought maybe she could have went to to Shaker and told him how she had a pplan to get the money and Shaker has a soft spot for his gambling buddy so he saved him. I don't know yet. Thanks for the kind review. Caol
Comment from Rain Chapman
Oh that witch! I love the ending and Trent is one unlucky gambler and one lucky guy he did not go down with his crazy girlfriend. I'm so glad it was not the psycho killer guy that had little Macy.
I was scared, mommy, really scared." - I think because 'mommy' is Macy's name for her mother it is supposed to be a capital 'M'
Thanks for the terrific read and once again, good luck!
Lorraine :)
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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Oh that witch! I love the ending and Trent is one unlucky gambler and one lucky guy he did not go down with his crazy girlfriend. I'm so glad it was not the psycho killer guy that had little Macy.
I was scared, mommy, really scared." - I think because 'mommy' is Macy's name for her mother it is supposed to be a capital 'M'
Thanks for the terrific read and once again, good luck!
Lorraine :)
Comment Written 12-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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Lorraine
I can't thank you enough for all your kind words. I have the ending to post and then it will be finish. Appreciate it very very much. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from Sasha
Excellent chapter. But Trent could still be involved and just stay out playing poker to give himself an alibi. I'm sure you'll let us all know in time. I wonder what happened to him with his gambling 'buddies'? Look forward to the next exciting chapter.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Excellent chapter. But Trent could still be involved and just stay out playing poker to give himself an alibi. I'm sure you'll let us all know in time. I wonder what happened to him with his gambling 'buddies'? Look forward to the next exciting chapter.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Sash
That's what I'm trying to figure out...I wanted him to be innocent for Macy's sake, but I somehow have to have Sherrie connecting with Shaker...maybe trying to get the money or telling him she was going to get the money with the kidnapping...then Shaker having a soft spot for Trent..keeps him gambling...I am so squeezed with these word count I could scream. I am sitting her going through each chapter now trying to whittle words off to stay within 10,000. Sounds like a lot of words till you start writing. Thanks for the review. Carol
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I know. When you are limite to a specific word count it can be nervewracking. The story is great and I am really hooked. Good luck with the contest. I admire anyone willing to put themself through something as difficult as this.
Comment from Suzie B
Hi Hon, yes another great write...how did shaker know about the kiddnapping...perhaps a line of dialogue concerning a phone tip off about one of his gambling debtors being in big trouble...a cop on the take maybe?? one of the cops that would be happy to see Reilly in serious anguish...as payback for the trial???
The remainder is fine, and as I mentioned before, the "other content" would be difficult to include, in this format...so I guess the next chapter will be a huge steamy too hot to touch piece which will weave everything to a heated conclusion...fine writing as always honey, i hope the publishers recognize that this is an excellent piece all up...... one to go or maybe two, I would buy this if it was in print.
good luck honey.
Suzie
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Hi Hon, yes another great write...how did shaker know about the kiddnapping...perhaps a line of dialogue concerning a phone tip off about one of his gambling debtors being in big trouble...a cop on the take maybe?? one of the cops that would be happy to see Reilly in serious anguish...as payback for the trial???
The remainder is fine, and as I mentioned before, the "other content" would be difficult to include, in this format...so I guess the next chapter will be a huge steamy too hot to touch piece which will weave everything to a heated conclusion...fine writing as always honey, i hope the publishers recognize that this is an excellent piece all up...... one to go or maybe two, I would buy this if it was in print.
good luck honey.
Suzie
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Suzie
That was the glitch I just caught...I'm thinking maybe Sherrie was in the shadows talking to Shaker about getting the money and Shaker didn't want Trent getting involved so he scooped him up What ever I use has to be a few lines because I am out of words. Thanks again for the outstanding praise. I really needed it today. CArol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Begin Agin,
so the way I read your very excting chapter about getting Macy back was all of Trent's dirty work and he used Sherrie to do the kidnapping
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Hello Begin Agin,
so the way I read your very excting chapter about getting Macy back was all of Trent's dirty work and he used Sherrie to do the kidnapping
Gert
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Gert
No..Sherrie did it on her own because Shaker had Trent locked up in the back of a gambling hall. She was psychotic and thought it was a way to get lots of money. Thanks for reading. Carol
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Good you got me straight on who did this terrible act.
Will be looking for your next chapter.
T
Comment from second thought
Great story and great ending. It is like watching a movie in one's head. Its a small wonder one can expect the writer to spread out. Could say more but can only give praise.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Great story and great ending. It is like watching a movie in one's head. Its a small wonder one can expect the writer to spread out. Could say more but can only give praise.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Second thought
You are heaven sent to me today...And I thank you for the blessings. I am having a bad day and you are doing your best to lift my spirits. I thank you for being you and for the generous offering of stars. There is one last chapter which I will post tomorrow I hope. Once again, I thank you. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from anabellapongasi
So it was really Sherrie who kidnapped Macy. But who was the accomplice if it wasn't Trent? Thanks for such an enjoyable
read. I look forward to the next chapters. Goodnight now. God bless you.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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So it was really Sherrie who kidnapped Macy. But who was the accomplice if it wasn't Trent? Thanks for such an enjoyable
read. I look forward to the next chapters. Goodnight now. God bless you.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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anabella
Thank you my friend. Sleep well until tomorrow. CArol
