He Lied To Me
A tragic story of misguided love.34 total reviews
Comment from liz10240
This is really a riviting story. It kept me interested right up to the end. It's tragic to think the same scenario actually takes place in real life more often than we know. A very strong piece of writing.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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This is really a riviting story. It kept me interested right up to the end. It's tragic to think the same scenario actually takes place in real life more often than we know. A very strong piece of writing.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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Hi Liz. Thanks for reading my story. I really appreciate it and your comments. - Thesis
Comment from jack silver
this story was so sad. It had me sniffling by the end of it. You really do know how to tell a good story. I didn't see anything that needed to be worked on. It fitted the picture really well.
From
Jack
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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this story was so sad. It had me sniffling by the end of it. You really do know how to tell a good story. I didn't see anything that needed to be worked on. It fitted the picture really well.
From
Jack
Comment Written 05-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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Thanks for reading my story Jack and for your comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it. - Thesis
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no probs
Comment from Colette
I thought she just had a hangover after last night, OMG! you just never know.
Thesis, what's going on in your head? it must be a great place to be, never a
dull moment.
I blame it all on the (feeky) pajamas personally.
Colette
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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I thought she just had a hangover after last night, OMG! you just never know.
Thesis, what's going on in your head? it must be a great place to be, never a
dull moment.
I blame it all on the (feeky) pajamas personally.
Colette
Comment Written 05-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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It's a scary place, Colette. I've had years of International travel, I've been in law enforcement, consulting and banking. Think of the wild cocktail parties I've been in. Bangkok, Rio, Madrid, Osaka, Dublin, etc.etc.
I've seen a lot and experienced more. It's been tremendous fun, so far...more to experience. - John
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John as us Dubliners would say "You're a gas man"
I have to crack a joke John otherwise I would probably cry. Life today is not a
funny place and I know that for one reason and another.
I wear a smile John and nobody will see me, that's my saying.
Will be on vacation for a couple of weeks, I will not survive! my fingers will keep
tapping on tables, doors, walls HELP!
Colette :-)
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi Thesis, nice story. The plot may be quite usual, but you managed to make it an interesting read.
This being FF, I have some suggestions:
He said [that] we would be together once she was out of the picture. - delete
He lived a few towns away from me[. We] began leaving messages
Lt. Morgan was watching as he wondered how an otherwise "good-girl", never involved with as much as a parking ticket, could get into such a mess as she was in now.
Lt. Morgan watched and wondered how an otherwise "good-girl", never involved with as much as a parking ticket, could get into such a mess.
He [unconsciously] shook his head, - delete
"He got furious[ with me]. - delete
He [told me that he had] to re-think our relationship - He said he needed to re-think...
It appeared as though she was going to be ill. - She appeared to be ill.
She asked Robbie who I was and he told her I was some college girl that is stalking him at the mall." - some college girl who stalks him at the mall."
Good luck!
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Hi Thesis, nice story. The plot may be quite usual, but you managed to make it an interesting read.
This being FF, I have some suggestions:
He said [that] we would be together once she was out of the picture. - delete
He lived a few towns away from me[. We] began leaving messages
Lt. Morgan was watching as he wondered how an otherwise "good-girl", never involved with as much as a parking ticket, could get into such a mess as she was in now.
Lt. Morgan watched and wondered how an otherwise "good-girl", never involved with as much as a parking ticket, could get into such a mess.
He [unconsciously] shook his head, - delete
"He got furious[ with me]. - delete
He [told me that he had] to re-think our relationship - He said he needed to re-think...
It appeared as though she was going to be ill. - She appeared to be ill.
She asked Robbie who I was and he told her I was some college girl that is stalking him at the mall." - some college girl who stalks him at the mall."
Good luck!
Comment Written 05-Oct-2009
Comment from Mrs Jones
An excellent write. The story held me from start to finish. A nice smooth read. I did not detect any SPAG. I like the ending. Good luck in the contest. A worthy entry.
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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An excellent write. The story held me from start to finish. A nice smooth read. I did not detect any SPAG. I like the ending. Good luck in the contest. A worthy entry.
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 05-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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Thank you Mrs. Jones. I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reading and your wonderful rating. - Thesis
Comment from jester71
The story reads well with its quick pace and believable dialogue. You have a well developed style that is breezy and current.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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The story reads well with its quick pace and believable dialogue. You have a well developed style that is breezy and current.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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Hi Jester. Thanks for your kind words and excellent review. I appreciate your comments. - Regards, Thesis
Comment from L.A.Tripp
Two things I see:
""I was. I had to know when we were really going to be together. SO I got to the bar early and ordered a glass of wine and waited. He never showed up. At ten fifteen, I texted him. His response was that he was tired and going straight home."
"What did you do?"
"I went to his house."
"That must have made him angry."
"It made his wife, very angry." "
Should the "SO" have both letters capitalized? And, the last sentence I pasted . . . should there be a comma there? I could see using an ellipse maybe.
I LOVED the emotional scene at the end. That got me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Two things I see:
""I was. I had to know when we were really going to be together. SO I got to the bar early and ordered a glass of wine and waited. He never showed up. At ten fifteen, I texted him. His response was that he was tired and going straight home."
"What did you do?"
"I went to his house."
"That must have made him angry."
"It made his wife, very angry." "
Should the "SO" have both letters capitalized? And, the last sentence I pasted . . . should there be a comma there? I could see using an ellipse maybe.
I LOVED the emotional scene at the end. That got me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
Comment from BJean
Wow this is a story with a very sad ending. you portrayed well the webs formed with unfaithfulness and the emotions that can go beserk. Saw no mistakes and was well written.
Jean
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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Wow this is a story with a very sad ending. you portrayed well the webs formed with unfaithfulness and the emotions that can go beserk. Saw no mistakes and was well written.
Jean
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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Thanks for reading my story Jean. I'm happy you enjoyed it. Emotions always make people reveal true feelings. = Thesis
Comment from fictionwriter
Oh, so the girl gets the blame when it's the man's fault. Well if they backed her into a corner, wasn't it self defense? A wonderful story, masterfully told. Great job.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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Oh, so the girl gets the blame when it's the man's fault. Well if they backed her into a corner, wasn't it self defense? A wonderful story, masterfully told. Great job.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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Hi Fictionwriter. No, not always, lol. It was self defense. She had every right to protect herself. Unfortunately, the child became the victim. That's the tragedy. Thanks for reading and for the excellent review. - Thesis
Comment from Freeflyer
This is a sad sad story. Gees, there sure are some cads out there. I am sure this is actually happening somewhere, without the conclusion though, one would hope.
Good luck with a great entry.
Freeflyer
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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This is a sad sad story. Gees, there sure are some cads out there. I am sure this is actually happening somewhere, without the conclusion though, one would hope.
Good luck with a great entry.
Freeflyer
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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Hi Freeflyer. Thanks for reading this story. It's a little out there, but unfortunately, not too far from the truth. - Thesis
