Unidentified Flying Object
If there's life on other planets . . .48 total reviews
Comment from legless
hiya janilou
a little rusty as you say.
a good premise for a story but a few too many cliches i think. we come in peace, where are your leaders etc.
the prime minister would be of britain not england.
i also think you have told quite a bit rather than showed. i'm sure if you made this piece longer it would be possible to me more subtle in telling how the other planet lives and how they learned our language etc.
i'm not au fait with religious connotations but isn't lamb symbolic of the christian faith somehow? surprised also that the alien is of the west's dominant faith.
just my musings though;feel free to discard and good luck with your writing.
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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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hiya janilou
a little rusty as you say.
a good premise for a story but a few too many cliches i think. we come in peace, where are your leaders etc.
the prime minister would be of britain not england.
i also think you have told quite a bit rather than showed. i'm sure if you made this piece longer it would be possible to me more subtle in telling how the other planet lives and how they learned our language etc.
i'm not au fait with religious connotations but isn't lamb symbolic of the christian faith somehow? surprised also that the alien is of the west's dominant faith.
just my musings though;feel free to discard and good luck with your writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you very much. I appreciate your comments!
Jan
Comment from pixiemillie
A well-written and thought provoking story. You have formatted this well for an easy read. Your initial paragraph is inviting and draws the reader in. Your 'we come in peace' is telling as well and the ending is perfect- -"we are one in the spirit ... " Thank you for getting this out of your mind before winter.
I saw nothing to change. I'm not a grammarian so can't comment on that aspect of the write. But for me it was well executed.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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A well-written and thought provoking story. You have formatted this well for an easy read. Your initial paragraph is inviting and draws the reader in. Your 'we come in peace' is telling as well and the ending is perfect- -"we are one in the spirit ... " Thank you for getting this out of your mind before winter.
I saw nothing to change. I'm not a grammarian so can't comment on that aspect of the write. But for me it was well executed.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Thank you so much! :-) I am thrilled to read how much you enjoyed this one.
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from RenieReader
Oh, I love this one, Jani. It make my heart swell with love and understanding. Yes, there are many planets where Jesus has spread His love and died for our sins. Thanks for cleaning out the attic. Great job.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Oh, I love this one, Jani. It make my heart swell with love and understanding. Yes, there are many planets where Jesus has spread His love and died for our sins. Thanks for cleaning out the attic. Great job.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Bless your heart, Renie. You just officially made my day! :-)
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from AnnaLinda
Janilou,
I so enjoyed your tale of an "Unidentified Flying Object"!!!
How very creative you were with this story. It was easy to read, entertaining and you even brought the gospel message into it! Here a few lines that I particularly liked:
"We call it something else on Planet Javard"
""My name is Fandir." The alien extended his hand" ...I like your creative names for the planet and its people!
" This is a symbol of the empty stauros, that we might not forget His love for us."
"She smiled and touched the cross on her own neck, as the soldiers around them lowered their weapons."
This was very well done!
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Janilou,
I so enjoyed your tale of an "Unidentified Flying Object"!!!
How very creative you were with this story. It was easy to read, entertaining and you even brought the gospel message into it! Here a few lines that I particularly liked:
"We call it something else on Planet Javard"
""My name is Fandir." The alien extended his hand" ...I like your creative names for the planet and its people!
" This is a symbol of the empty stauros, that we might not forget His love for us."
"She smiled and touched the cross on her own neck, as the soldiers around them lowered their weapons."
This was very well done!
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Thank you so much! The reviews have been mixed so far, and it is wonderful to hear how much you enjoyed it. :-)
Jani
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Yes I surely did enjoy it! Maybe you should go back and change your options to 'no non-writer' reviews. Looks like the first one is not a writer. Also, it seems as though sometimes, themes with Jesus and salvation don't go over as big. Just my take:)
SL
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Thank you so much. A good suggestion and I will do that.
Yes, sometimes it is not a popular message, but I'm not going to let that stop me. :-)
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Myself included!
Linda
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
sattelites >> satellites
I enjoyed your story it is well written easy to follow and creative you have done really very well the message from this story I feel that god is all around us well done regards Fuller
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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sattelites >> satellites
I enjoyed your story it is well written easy to follow and creative you have done really very well the message from this story I feel that god is all around us well done regards Fuller
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Thank you so much, Fuller! I have corrected the nits. :-)
Jani
Comment from adewpearl
they arrived in Washington, D.C. - add the comma
scanning the sattelites - should be satellites
It stands to reason that if we believe God created the Earth, He also created the other planets and solar systems, so why would He not send His son to save them too? I like your story - it's a good study in human nature, that people continue to fear and be suspicious even when assured the only agenda of the visitors is peaceful. Brooke
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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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they arrived in Washington, D.C. - add the comma
scanning the sattelites - should be satellites
It stands to reason that if we believe God created the Earth, He also created the other planets and solar systems, so why would He not send His son to save them too? I like your story - it's a good study in human nature, that people continue to fear and be suspicious even when assured the only agenda of the visitors is peaceful. Brooke
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Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Many thanks, Brooke! I have fixed the error. Silly me -- I forgot the run the Spell Check! I'm glad you picked up on my point there -- we do fear the unknown!
Jani
Comment from GerryMacNeil
Not up to your usual stantandard, Jan. I would have like more of a story line than simply a "Imagine that! Jesus was here too." A couple of spag: "lense" should be "lens" and ther is a word missing in "We are a for friendship."
Gerry
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Not up to your usual stantandard, Jan. I would have like more of a story line than simply a "Imagine that! Jesus was here too." A couple of spag: "lense" should be "lens" and ther is a word missing in "We are a for friendship."
Gerry
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Thanks, Gerry. I corrected the spelling. I haven't much of a heart for writing lately. Maybe I should have stayed away! :-)
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And I, my dear, have been having a dreadful time reviewing, and I probably should stay away--but I have an important piece I want to post and I need to review for that reason. Forgive me, Jan, if I was hurtful. I sincerely did not intend to be! Gerry
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That's okay. I really need to grow thicker skin anyway! :-)
Let me know when you get your piece posted, so I can read it!
Hugs,
Jani
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You are such a sweetheart, Jan!
Sure do love ya!
Gerry
Comment from cowgirloo7
I enjoyed the story but thought the storyline needed better flow... Some of the sentences were to wordy for my taste... sometimes less is better....
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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I enjoyed the story but thought the storyline needed better flow... Some of the sentences were to wordy for my taste... sometimes less is better....
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Okay, thanks for the review! Can you give me some specific examples so that I can take a look at it more closely?
Thanks again!
Jani
