Unidentified Flying Object
If there's life on other planets . . .48 total reviews
Comment from Mrs Jones
Hi Janilou
I enjoyed your story. I think you have a great imagination and I certainly like the idea that the aliens are friendly believers. LOL. No spag as far as I can see.
Well done
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Hi Janilou
I enjoyed your story. I think you have a great imagination and I certainly like the idea that the aliens are friendly believers. LOL. No spag as far as I can see.
Well done
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 05-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you very much.
Jan
Comment from L.A.Tripp
I think your story is pretty good. The ending was really good, although I hoped for a "bit" more emotion to be drawn out of me than what was.
I'm not highlighting each specific incidence of this. I was about to, but at the beginning of this story, I kinda lost count of them. However, this is the last sentence I noticed like this, so I'll use it as the example:
" She took the helmet Hank offered, and climbed onto the bike behind him." Should there be a comma inserted there? I'd think it would read and flow better w/o a comma.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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I think your story is pretty good. The ending was really good, although I hoped for a "bit" more emotion to be drawn out of me than what was.
I'm not highlighting each specific incidence of this. I was about to, but at the beginning of this story, I kinda lost count of them. However, this is the last sentence I noticed like this, so I'll use it as the example:
" She took the helmet Hank offered, and climbed onto the bike behind him." Should there be a comma inserted there? I'd think it would read and flow better w/o a comma.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2009
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Thanks. I removed the comma in question. :-)
Jani
Comment from prodigal
This is excellent. It really made me do a lot of thinking while I was reading this. The first part of the story reads like a classic fifties movie plot. Aliens in the sky. Kind of hard not to be cliche when writing about that (sort of like vampire stories) then the story takes a turn.
We learn the aliens are much like humans. Interesting.
The end is very thought provoking. I have some Mormon friends who believe that if they live a good life they will be able to be gods one day and have their own planets to rule.
The idea of a universal Christ is very thought provoking indeed. If there were other intelligent life it would stand to reason they too would need a savior. Great job with this. No nits, not a word out of place- Sam
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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This is excellent. It really made me do a lot of thinking while I was reading this. The first part of the story reads like a classic fifties movie plot. Aliens in the sky. Kind of hard not to be cliche when writing about that (sort of like vampire stories) then the story takes a turn.
We learn the aliens are much like humans. Interesting.
The end is very thought provoking. I have some Mormon friends who believe that if they live a good life they will be able to be gods one day and have their own planets to rule.
The idea of a universal Christ is very thought provoking indeed. If there were other intelligent life it would stand to reason they too would need a savior. Great job with this. No nits, not a word out of place- Sam
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review! :-) So glad you enjoyed it.
Jani
Comment from RonDye
This was very interesting even if it was a tiny bit preachy. It's not that you preached but I knew where the story was going so there was little surprise. I wanted a twist that was not predictable. Likeable story.
Ron
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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This was very interesting even if it was a tiny bit preachy. It's not that you preached but I knew where the story was going so there was little surprise. I wanted a twist that was not predictable. Likeable story.
Ron
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Thank you, Ron. :-) I appreciate your comments.
Jani
Comment from D. Longo
One never knows; it could happen. The second thought that pops up: I hope they follow The Word closer than we do.
I enjoyed the concept, Janilou, and your story. It's good to see you writing.
D.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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One never knows; it could happen. The second thought that pops up: I hope they follow The Word closer than we do.
I enjoyed the concept, Janilou, and your story. It's good to see you writing.
D.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you very much.
Jan
Comment from anabelle
Wish my attic clearing would turn out this good.:-) Good story. I like the beginning: the fear, the indecision, the mobilization of troops, and I like the twist at the end: the common ground of Jesus. Brilliant really. I never thought of religious beliefs as being a link between planets.
Thanks for sharing.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Wish my attic clearing would turn out this good.:-) Good story. I like the beginning: the fear, the indecision, the mobilization of troops, and I like the twist at the end: the common ground of Jesus. Brilliant really. I never thought of religious beliefs as being a link between planets.
Thanks for sharing.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you very much.
Jan
Comment from Pamela Daniell
I liked it up until the lamb part. Don't get me wrong I to believe in God. I guess it was just that I was expecting more excitement. This is good though. If you post more to it I would be interested to see where you go with it.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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I liked it up until the lamb part. Don't get me wrong I to believe in God. I guess it was just that I was expecting more excitement. This is good though. If you post more to it I would be interested to see where you go with it.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you very much.
Jan
Comment from rama devi
This is an enjoyable read with a clear message. The writing is very good- not too rusty. However, much of it is too cliche and the plot does not build up enough tension. I think you it would be good to elaborate this story and tweak some of the more cliche aspects.
It seems to me that the alien appears too suddenly, but I am not sure if that is a plus of minus.
The character of LAMB is almost too exactly Jesus - I might have been more interesting if his manifestation on the other planet was more subtle and less precisely the same as on ours. The reader can infer that it is the same being wihtout him being crucified in a similar manner and resurrected after three days.
By the way, I loved your name choice....LAMB..
I suggest reworking this section- also please note typos-
"(remove SPACE) Lamb was the name of the being who came to live amongst us. Our people feared Him, for He claimed to be the Son of God. They arrested him under false charges, tortured and put him to death by nailing Him onto the stauros(remove space) . Three days later, He rose from the dead. He died to give us eternal life. This is a symbol of the empty stauros, that we might not forget His love for us."
I liked the innocence in this-
Fandir looked at Sarah. "You are wondering what this is?" he said, holding it up.
"You can read our minds?"
He smiled. "No, only your face. You looked curious, as you say."
Well Jani, this is certainly a nice story- but has room for improvement. Not yet up to your usual caliber. I am glad to see you writing and posting again---been too long! Hope to see more of you.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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This is an enjoyable read with a clear message. The writing is very good- not too rusty. However, much of it is too cliche and the plot does not build up enough tension. I think you it would be good to elaborate this story and tweak some of the more cliche aspects.
It seems to me that the alien appears too suddenly, but I am not sure if that is a plus of minus.
The character of LAMB is almost too exactly Jesus - I might have been more interesting if his manifestation on the other planet was more subtle and less precisely the same as on ours. The reader can infer that it is the same being wihtout him being crucified in a similar manner and resurrected after three days.
By the way, I loved your name choice....LAMB..
I suggest reworking this section- also please note typos-
"(remove SPACE) Lamb was the name of the being who came to live amongst us. Our people feared Him, for He claimed to be the Son of God. They arrested him under false charges, tortured and put him to death by nailing Him onto the stauros(remove space) . Three days later, He rose from the dead. He died to give us eternal life. This is a symbol of the empty stauros, that we might not forget His love for us."
I liked the innocence in this-
Fandir looked at Sarah. "You are wondering what this is?" he said, holding it up.
"You can read our minds?"
He smiled. "No, only your face. You looked curious, as you say."
Well Jani, this is certainly a nice story- but has room for improvement. Not yet up to your usual caliber. I am glad to see you writing and posting again---been too long! Hope to see more of you.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Thanks, rama devi. I corrected the typos. I admit, I'm preaching to the choir here, but I did let people know it was a spiritual story. :-)
I appreciate the review. I'll see what I can do.
Jani
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I love spiritual stories and it was a nice read for sure. Just not one of your best and has room for improvement. It is very good...but not yet excellent.
:)
Love,
rd
Comment from rmdelta
jani,
this was an excellent story, dear friend. Great descriptives throughout and your dialogue is terrific. Well done
Reggie
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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jani,
this was an excellent story, dear friend. Great descriptives throughout and your dialogue is terrific. Well done
Reggie
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you very much. :-) Hope you are doing well!
Jan
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
Ok. I have to first tell you that I am in no way Christian. In fact, I am totally anti organised religion of every brand.
I am able to set my feelings and belief aside because this is written so very well. You write compellingly, drawing the reader inward and onward - in fact, in no way do you appear 'rusty'!
The story is very well conceived and put across. I personally, would like to believe we could find any kind of fellowship with beings from another world. Sadly, I personally also think that we'd shoot them out of the sky, no matter what their messages of peace. This is a pleasant dream of a story. Very well done.
Warmest wishes
Kat
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Ok. I have to first tell you that I am in no way Christian. In fact, I am totally anti organised religion of every brand.
I am able to set my feelings and belief aside because this is written so very well. You write compellingly, drawing the reader inward and onward - in fact, in no way do you appear 'rusty'!
The story is very well conceived and put across. I personally, would like to believe we could find any kind of fellowship with beings from another world. Sadly, I personally also think that we'd shoot them out of the sky, no matter what their messages of peace. This is a pleasant dream of a story. Very well done.
Warmest wishes
Kat
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you very much. I really appreciate your honest comments.
Jan
