The Rictameter
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Without the Key"rictameter poetry
88 total reviews
Comment from Lady & Louis
Couldn't agree more, Brooke. I get so sick of the "land of opportunity" rant from the right that assumes that EVERYONE in America can be educated, wealthy, an entrepreneur, blah blah, if they only pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and that if they don't, it's their own fault and they are obviously unworthy. Not everyone has opportunities. Not everyone is free of responsibilities that can deny them the time or money needed to better themselves. Praise of success is fine, but too often its downside is lack of compassion for those who are not materially successful. There's also the attitude (very much in evidence here, too) that anyone who's not a boss, or the sacred small-business-owner, is automatically a loser who should shut up and accept working for a dollar an hour, because they obviously haven't the testosterone levels to have got out there and made a business for themselves.
Hmm, pushed a button with this one, lol! Good work, Brooke.
Louise
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
  |
Couldn't agree more, Brooke. I get so sick of the "land of opportunity" rant from the right that assumes that EVERYONE in America can be educated, wealthy, an entrepreneur, blah blah, if they only pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and that if they don't, it's their own fault and they are obviously unworthy. Not everyone has opportunities. Not everyone is free of responsibilities that can deny them the time or money needed to better themselves. Praise of success is fine, but too often its downside is lack of compassion for those who are not materially successful. There's also the attitude (very much in evidence here, too) that anyone who's not a boss, or the sacred small-business-owner, is automatically a loser who should shut up and accept working for a dollar an hour, because they obviously haven't the testosterone levels to have got out there and made a business for themselves.
Hmm, pushed a button with this one, lol! Good work, Brooke.
Louise
Comment Written 17-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
-
Thank you, Louise - you have it all down pat - that is the attitude, and I can't stand it. Every time I hear someone say, well, if she can't afford so and so, she should just get a better job. What the heck is everyone going to do if everyone who has a menial job became middle management, not that there are enough positions at the top? But if there were - who would sell the groceries, mop the floors, answer the phones, take care of the elderly and children? Is the world all of a sudden going to do without maids and cashiers and janitors because they've all pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and become executives??? LOL Thank you, my friend - time to stop ranting :-) Brooke
Comment from sgalletti
Great rictameter Brooke. And, as always, your devotion to the underprivileged comes through with wonderful passion and honesty. Yes, our country needs to do so much more! I am now writing a paper for a national education organization (getting paid no less) challenging policy makers in this country to reduce gaps and ensure equitable education opportunities for ALL students by providing those students who need the most resources with the resources they need. I'd be happy to send a final copy to you at your personal e-mail address after it has gone through all of its many reviews and approval process. Just mentioning this because we ARE on the same page...Sue
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
|
Great rictameter Brooke. And, as always, your devotion to the underprivileged comes through with wonderful passion and honesty. Yes, our country needs to do so much more! I am now writing a paper for a national education organization (getting paid no less) challenging policy makers in this country to reduce gaps and ensure equitable education opportunities for ALL students by providing those students who need the most resources with the resources they need. I'd be happy to send a final copy to you at your personal e-mail address after it has gone through all of its many reviews and approval process. Just mentioning this because we ARE on the same page...Sue
Comment Written 17-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
-
I would LOVE to read your paper - I'll PM you my email address. Thank you for your positive review :-) Brooke
Comment from LauraKatherine
The first thing I thought of when I read this poem was of sexual trafficking and child prostitution (not exactly what your author notes spoke of, but the association was still there for me.) Obviously, the right to be free and safe from abuse isn't just a privilege; it's a right. But the imagery of a child knocking against a locked door, begging for entrance and mercy, doing without the basic rights due a human being, brought to mind the children all across our world who are victims of others' depravity and their desperation is often ignored by the privileged. They are locked in a cage and don't have the key to get out unless someone gives it to them.
a child can knock till knuckles bleed (My favorite line--it's such a powerful image of a child desperate for help, literally and figuratively bleeding in an effort to get in that door of privilege.)
Also liked this one: can pound, petition, supplicate and plead. (Nice repetition of sounds. The repeated "p" sounded like pounding on a door.
As always, this is a technically top-notch poem. I liked the repetition of "without": without the required key, doing without. Because they are without the required key, they do without.
Powerful and eloquent. Thank you for reminding me of the plight of so many children in desperate need. LK
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
|
The first thing I thought of when I read this poem was of sexual trafficking and child prostitution (not exactly what your author notes spoke of, but the association was still there for me.) Obviously, the right to be free and safe from abuse isn't just a privilege; it's a right. But the imagery of a child knocking against a locked door, begging for entrance and mercy, doing without the basic rights due a human being, brought to mind the children all across our world who are victims of others' depravity and their desperation is often ignored by the privileged. They are locked in a cage and don't have the key to get out unless someone gives it to them.
a child can knock till knuckles bleed (My favorite line--it's such a powerful image of a child desperate for help, literally and figuratively bleeding in an effort to get in that door of privilege.)
Also liked this one: can pound, petition, supplicate and plead. (Nice repetition of sounds. The repeated "p" sounded like pounding on a door.
As always, this is a technically top-notch poem. I liked the repetition of "without": without the required key, doing without. Because they are without the required key, they do without.
Powerful and eloquent. Thank you for reminding me of the plight of so many children in desperate need. LK
Comment Written 17-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
-
Laura Katherine, the list of things that keep different children from having the key is far longer than my little list of examples, and your issue is a grave one too. Little girls forced into prositution are not only being abused but are then stuck in that life - it's not as if they give them time off to go to school, etc. I appreciate that you have paid attention to the way the composition of my poem helps make the point I'm conveying. Thank you so much for another wonderful review. Brooke
Comment from Sally Carter
I think perhaps I have enjoyed this one the most out of your preposition poems. The subject is topical and certainly common in the UK as well. Though in global terms we are a rich nation, there are many children living through the disadvantages you describe. A stark subject, but you still manage to reinforce the point with rhyme and musicality. Lovely. Sally
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
|
I think perhaps I have enjoyed this one the most out of your preposition poems. The subject is topical and certainly common in the UK as well. Though in global terms we are a rich nation, there are many children living through the disadvantages you describe. A stark subject, but you still manage to reinforce the point with rhyme and musicality. Lovely. Sally
Comment Written 17-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
-
Thank you, Sally - Unfortunately, most rich nations do not really do right by their needy citizens. I appreciate your insightful comments. Brooke
Comment from marinepoet87
So true your words that you have spoken, the land of opportunities still turns a blind eye to those without. We worry about the welfare of allies yet ignore those that suffer within our own borders yet care not about them for they are strangers in our midst or we choose to ignore. I hope that there are some that will open their eyes to such tragedies.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
|
So true your words that you have spoken, the land of opportunities still turns a blind eye to those without. We worry about the welfare of allies yet ignore those that suffer within our own borders yet care not about them for they are strangers in our midst or we choose to ignore. I hope that there are some that will open their eyes to such tragedies.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
-
Thank you. Nothing makes me feel better as a poet than to know someone has TRULY read and thought about my work - I appreciate your most insightful comments. Brooke :-)
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
This is so on the money. It is so rare when a child is able to rise above such devastating odds, and you know what's sad? The fact that some heartless people will point to the successful one and say "If she can rise above that, why can't they? They must just be lazy!?
But I think one sad trend that seems to be be getting worse is that our society is finally become a feudal system, just like the one the founding fathers fled. Lords, Overlords, and serfs. Where did we go wrong? It was such a wonderful vision: "We hold these truths to be self-evident..."
John
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
|
This is so on the money. It is so rare when a child is able to rise above such devastating odds, and you know what's sad? The fact that some heartless people will point to the successful one and say "If she can rise above that, why can't they? They must just be lazy!?
But I think one sad trend that seems to be be getting worse is that our society is finally become a feudal system, just like the one the founding fathers fled. Lords, Overlords, and serfs. Where did we go wrong? It was such a wonderful vision: "We hold these truths to be self-evident..."
John
Comment Written 16-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
-
I know, that is maddening that people point out the exception as the standard - it's like saying to all of them, well, that guy became President of the US or CEO of a Fortune 500 Company or Nobel Prize winner, and he's from your college, so why are you only middle management of a small local company? And yes, I see the trend toward feudalism more and more. Thanks, John. Brooke
Comment from bard owl
THe world is beautiful but can provide such a harsh existence for those doing without the needed basics to flourish as a human being should. Excellently thought provoking words you have penned. So very heartbreaking. Blessings, Linda
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
 |
THe world is beautiful but can provide such a harsh existence for those doing without the needed basics to flourish as a human being should. Excellently thought provoking words you have penned. So very heartbreaking. Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 16-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
-
Thank you, Linda - some poems I write to be pretty, others to provoke thought - I am so grateful you felt the message of this one. You are most generous and I am most appreciative :-) Brooke
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
I liked this poem so many things in life are obtainable if only the person finds the key or opportunity I feel well done on your thought provoking work regards Fuller
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
|
I liked this poem so many things in life are obtainable if only the person finds the key or opportunity I feel well done on your thought provoking work regards Fuller
Comment Written 16-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
-
Thank you, Fuller, for a supportive and warm review :-) Brooke
Comment from S.Yocom
This rictameter is a heartbreaking little poem, Brooke. You're right that too many children will never be able to rise to their full potential. The country tries to help, with school lunches and after school programs, but if the home life is impoverished, and the parents (or too often one parent) provide no books, incentives, or encouragement, that child will probably languish in poverty or even turn to crime. I don't know the answer.
Excellent poem.
Sally
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
|
This rictameter is a heartbreaking little poem, Brooke. You're right that too many children will never be able to rise to their full potential. The country tries to help, with school lunches and after school programs, but if the home life is impoverished, and the parents (or too often one parent) provide no books, incentives, or encouragement, that child will probably languish in poverty or even turn to crime. I don't know the answer.
Excellent poem.
Sally
Comment Written 16-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
-
Thank you, Sally. Also, in many inner city schools and rural areas, the schools are woefully inadequate - for kids whose parents are uneducated themselves, they need lots of help from the schools, and from the investigative journalism articles I've read over the years in the Philly Inquirer, many of the schools are falling apart, lacking proper books and resources, and so chaotic that teachers spend far more time policing than teaching. While in some suburbs, schools have a computer for every child, and they're the kids who need LESS extra help from school because they come from homes filled with resources. Brooke
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
You've really nailed it with this wonderful rictameter, Brooke. One of the thing which bugs me a great deal is how we can live in the twenty first century, apparently civilised -- whilst there are those of our own suffering and doing without even the basics. You're right, it can cause lifelong scars.
Great writing, my friend.
Warmest wishes
Kat
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
|
You've really nailed it with this wonderful rictameter, Brooke. One of the thing which bugs me a great deal is how we can live in the twenty first century, apparently civilised -- whilst there are those of our own suffering and doing without even the basics. You're right, it can cause lifelong scars.
Great writing, my friend.
Warmest wishes
Kat
Comment Written 16-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
-
Kat, thank you - if only more people had your sensitivity to want to do something about this! Brooke :-)
