Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Chapter 3 Part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
41 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
too bad steven thought he had the bad luck to get married. i know he finds out later that he will enjoy being married and falls in love. good work on this chapter
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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too bad steven thought he had the bad luck to get married. i know he finds out later that he will enjoy being married and falls in love. good work on this chapter
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from wierdgrace
Yes I would do anything as well, this is a great soap opera as well, I see so much emotion and the characters keep you wanting more as always, you keep writing, I can not wait until the next chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
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Yes I would do anything as well, this is a great soap opera as well, I see so much emotion and the characters keep you wanting more as always, you keep writing, I can not wait until the next chapter.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from marinepoet87
Hello friend, I enjoyed the read and loved how you put the thoughts of the person in italics, it makes it quite easy to follow. An enjoyable read, thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
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Hello friend, I enjoyed the read and loved how you put the thoughts of the person in italics, it makes it quite easy to follow. An enjoyable read, thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate youir kind words.
Comment from KYPollard/El Gato
The dialogue in this chapter is wonderful and believable. The entire read was great. There is just one opertunity I found:
When Leya opened the door, her eyes searching his. This sentence is a fragment. It should read: When Leya opened the door, her eyes searched his.
Once again, great job on this chapter and the believable character actions and dialogue.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
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The dialogue in this chapter is wonderful and believable. The entire read was great. There is just one opertunity I found:
When Leya opened the door, her eyes searching his. This sentence is a fragment. It should read: When Leya opened the door, her eyes searched his.
Once again, great job on this chapter and the believable character actions and dialogue.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
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I changed the sentence and forgot to change the verb. Sorry. Thank you for catching. it.
Comment from empire76
I like that Dani is the one who came up with the solution. Content-wise, this chapter is great. How they move from sleeping with Leya to talking marriage... very interesting.
My usual comment applies here. We need to see more thoughts and emotions. If you want the reader to connect with the character and not just go like 'oh, ok, so that's what happened."
- The men agreed they couldn't allow her to marry a man she hated and feared.
Have you adequately convinced us about this? She hates and fears Carlos, but is enough reason for a bunch of men to agree that THEY CAN'T BE ALLOW HER to marry him? I don't think so. Is there reason to believe Carlos will make her do drugs, or kill her once she is in his care? If you put her life at risk, then it will make sense for these men to feel responsible.
- Steven lost.
Seems too easy. But that's just me...
Cheers
Empi
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
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I like that Dani is the one who came up with the solution. Content-wise, this chapter is great. How they move from sleeping with Leya to talking marriage... very interesting.
My usual comment applies here. We need to see more thoughts and emotions. If you want the reader to connect with the character and not just go like 'oh, ok, so that's what happened."
- The men agreed they couldn't allow her to marry a man she hated and feared.
Have you adequately convinced us about this? She hates and fears Carlos, but is enough reason for a bunch of men to agree that THEY CAN'T BE ALLOW HER to marry him? I don't think so. Is there reason to believe Carlos will make her do drugs, or kill her once she is in his care? If you put her life at risk, then it will make sense for these men to feel responsible.
- Steven lost.
Seems too easy. But that's just me...
Cheers
Empi
Comment Written 16-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
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I will recheck it. The Task Force men are fully aware of what these drug cartels are capable of without a lot of convincing, they just did a number on Geoff and kidnapped Matt and Dani's baby. Thank you for your review.
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True, but bad guys protect their loved ones, even if only for pride. Drug cartels, mafia etc., you name it; they have no mercy for enemies but they all protect their loved ones.
In the examples you mention there's no love in the equation. Geoff's cover was blown and Matt is 'the enemy'. What reason do we have to believe that the woman he wants to marry won't be protected?
E
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Because in front of Mat and other's her father stated because she betrayed the family he would not offer her protection and her brother and his friends, who kidnapped the infant want the dead.
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That's her father. What about Carlos?
Just food for thought, really; no need to respond to me specifically.
E
Comment from mjfande
I love the story so far. Every chapter is as good as the last. There's enough suspense throughout to keep the readers attention. Excellent chapter and story.
Good luck in your writing.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
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I love the story so far. Every chapter is as good as the last. There's enough suspense throughout to keep the readers attention. Excellent chapter and story.
Good luck in your writing.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from eliz100
This chapter is well-written and very interesting. The sexual tension is palpable between Leya and Steven. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2009
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This chapter is well-written and very interesting. The sexual tension is palpable between Leya and Steven. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from skye
Lots of drama, details, and planning...
how to help her so she doesn't have to marry Carlos.
Now if only we hadn't decided to help her, I wouldn't be the one to marry the girl I secretly love....
wow.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2009
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Lots of drama, details, and planning...
how to help her so she doesn't have to marry Carlos.
Now if only we hadn't decided to help her, I wouldn't be the one to marry the girl I secretly love....
wow.
Very well done.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review and I appreciate your kind comments.
Comment from ladybird
Well that's an idea, although I can't see Steve marrying her and not consummatting it. This chapter seemed a little lightweigh, given the content and I feel the whole force knowing and drawing straws seems a touch unreal.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2009
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Well that's an idea, although I can't see Steve marrying her and not consummatting it. This chapter seemed a little lightweigh, given the content and I feel the whole force knowing and drawing straws seems a touch unreal.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2009
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I think it will fall into place for you within the next chapters. At least I hope it does. Thank you for your review.
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I look forward to reading the follow ups.
Comment from ragaro
its an amazing chapter full of dialogs, however i think its missing all the atmoshpere of the story, because the descriptions are so light in this case.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2009
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its an amazing chapter full of dialogs, however i think its missing all the atmoshpere of the story, because the descriptions are so light in this case.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2009
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This is only a few pages of a longer chapter. It is building for the next scenes.
