Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Stan's New Secret"Some bloodlines run very deep.
19 total reviews
Comment from findingmyroom
Oh, boy, there's going to be trouble after this encounter. Stan is surrounded by too many beautiful women! One awkward thing to point out: "Stan turned and answered the door. It was Chuck who he invited in." That could easily be fixed to something smoother: "Stan turned and answered the door, inviting Chuck in." What do you think?
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Oh, boy, there's going to be trouble after this encounter. Stan is surrounded by too many beautiful women! One awkward thing to point out: "Stan turned and answered the door. It was Chuck who he invited in." That could easily be fixed to something smoother: "Stan turned and answered the door, inviting Chuck in." What do you think?
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Thank you for yor wonderful review! Yes, I like that a lot, much smoother. I'll update this ASAP. Thank you! :)
Comment from Vladilynn
Ohhhh men!!! why women do this kind of things!! loll
it always says; the person who always screw you is the person you won't ever expected! very much true!!!
thank you for sharing
love much
Lynn:0)
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Ohhhh men!!! why women do this kind of things!! loll
it always says; the person who always screw you is the person you won't ever expected! very much true!!!
thank you for sharing
love much
Lynn:0)
Comment Written 07-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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LOL! Thanks Lynn. Welcome back!
Comment from angel of the quill
oh that was a hot chapter good work
you did it just right just a hint not to graphic yet great for the imagination
nice twist
and a good story plot evolvement.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2009
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oh that was a hot chapter good work
you did it just right just a hint not to graphic yet great for the imagination
nice twist
and a good story plot evolvement.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2009
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Wow! You're on a roll. Thank you for reading and your wonderful review!
Comment from jlsavell
NightWriter, ok now I need to catch my breath..lol...this is not a good thing. It is a setup for deceit. How are these two going to handle what just transpired? It will be most interesting indeed. another excellent chapter, with breathzapping imagery..darn you!!!!! jimi
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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NightWriter, ok now I need to catch my breath..lol...this is not a good thing. It is a setup for deceit. How are these two going to handle what just transpired? It will be most interesting indeed. another excellent chapter, with breathzapping imagery..darn you!!!!! jimi
Comment Written 27-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and ongoing support Jimi. I appreciate it so much! You deserve to stop and catch your breath, LOL. :)
Comment from babylonia
uh oh, this could get sticky LOL or stickier. i tried to read this one for several days. i'd get halfway done and the world would go crazy. glad i finally read. easy to read and follow. spaggie.
"I thought you and Jim were getting alone(along) pretty well."
Why,(?) (upper case d in new sentence)do you like chocolate?"
imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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uh oh, this could get sticky LOL or stickier. i tried to read this one for several days. i'd get halfway done and the world would go crazy. glad i finally read. easy to read and follow. spaggie.
"I thought you and Jim were getting alone(along) pretty well."
Why,(?) (upper case d in new sentence)do you like chocolate?"
imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 27-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful and helpful review Barbara! You caught some excellent gremlins eagle eye! :) Hopefully your world settles down and lets you enjoy the reading/writing world. I know how it can get sometimes.
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it will soonest. it never helps when hubby is home. then get hubby and daughter home at the same time ... ugh~ LOL
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi NightWriter,
sounds like something is brewing for you next chapter when I read about taking the ashes of Linda.
I sure there is gong to be some crazy happenings.
Will will be waiting.
I'm sill here in Fl.
Gert
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2009
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Hi NightWriter,
sounds like something is brewing for you next chapter when I read about taking the ashes of Linda.
I sure there is gong to be some crazy happenings.
Will will be waiting.
I'm sill here in Fl.
Gert
Comment Written 26-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2009
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Thank you so much Gert! What part of Florida? Daytona? :)
Hope you have a nice time.
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No We are in Sturat Fl.
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Hi, we are vising our daughter here in Stuart FL.
Gert
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Hi, we are vising our daughter here in Stuart FL.
Gert
Comment from wierdgrace
wonderful, romance with vampires, we are seeing so much of this, and it is wonderuflly written, the characters, and the dialogue says it all, puts us up into your chapter, thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2009
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wonderful, romance with vampires, we are seeing so much of this, and it is wonderuflly written, the characters, and the dialogue says it all, puts us up into your chapter, thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review! I know, I know. What's going on out there with this explosion of vampire stories. It's never been like this, and now when I finally start writing my vampire novel, the market is flooded. Thank you for reading.
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but I love vampire stories, they are great,
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Thank you! I'm the same when it comes to these stories, but hard as I try, I can't find one that holds my interest more than a few pages. Of course, the market is now flooded with them so there might be a book lurking. I wish Hollywood would turn them all into movies! :)
Comment from Mastery
Very, very good, Nightwriter. I am impressed with the way you keep the plot moving with the use of right-on dialogue.
You are definitely a talented writer....
One suggestion and even that is no big deal,
"Jill walked up to Lori. "We should ...." (perhaps "sidled up" as you have already used "walking" just before that... so as to eliminate some repetition...know what I mean?
All my best...Bob
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2009
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Very, very good, Nightwriter. I am impressed with the way you keep the plot moving with the use of right-on dialogue.
You are definitely a talented writer....
One suggestion and even that is no big deal,
"Jill walked up to Lori. "We should ...." (perhaps "sidled up" as you have already used "walking" just before that... so as to eliminate some repetition...know what I mean?
All my best...Bob
Comment Written 24-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2009
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Good catch! Thank you so much for your wonderful and encouraging review Bob.
Comment from Jonez08
Ohhhhhhhh nooooooo, not Brook and Stan, this is a disaster waiting to happen. Stan has always been faithful, but nice job of flawing a perfect character, we're not perfect in real life and neither should our characters be. Although I'm soooo very disappointed and Lori is going to hit the roof if she finds out.
Cassandra
(Blood was running) from his nose and he sat leaning forward, holding a hand at his side.
(passive: consider, Blood ran from)
Kick them out. Immediately.
(Kick them out, immediately)
Look close(ly) at the sheet and the steel bottom and tell me what you see."
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2009
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Ohhhhhhhh nooooooo, not Brook and Stan, this is a disaster waiting to happen. Stan has always been faithful, but nice job of flawing a perfect character, we're not perfect in real life and neither should our characters be. Although I'm soooo very disappointed and Lori is going to hit the roof if she finds out.
Cassandra
(Blood was running) from his nose and he sat leaning forward, holding a hand at his side.
(passive: consider, Blood ran from)
Kick them out. Immediately.
(Kick them out, immediately)
Look close(ly) at the sheet and the steel bottom and tell me what you see."
Comment Written 23-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review Cassandra. Good catch! Was running = ran to eliminate passive voice. This gremlin is one of my toughest to catch. I now look at every instance of the word was and look for another word to use in its place. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. Thank you! :)
Comment from EllieKaye
I have a hard time approving of people who cheat- but I have a feeling Lori is going to find out. Maybe Brook was controlled by her passion. I would not have guessed she'd do this to her cousin. Hmmm.... great writing though. Nice job on the love scene. It's passionate and gives the right amount of details for the mind to imagine the scene.
I noticed in the first 1/3 of the piece you haved used the word 'walked' or 'walk' 4 to 5 times to describe movements. It was used often enough to make it pop out. Just wanted to let you know. :)
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2009
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I have a hard time approving of people who cheat- but I have a feeling Lori is going to find out. Maybe Brook was controlled by her passion. I would not have guessed she'd do this to her cousin. Hmmm.... great writing though. Nice job on the love scene. It's passionate and gives the right amount of details for the mind to imagine the scene.
I noticed in the first 1/3 of the piece you haved used the word 'walked' or 'walk' 4 to 5 times to describe movements. It was used often enough to make it pop out. Just wanted to let you know. :)
Comment Written 23-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review. I'll take a look at the word and see if I can find a nice replacement. Brook's uncontrollable passion did lead to this, and now they have to work through it, LOL. It's a soap opera! :)
