Bring Back our Mailman
A short satire65 total reviews
Comment from learning_to_write
I thought this was really good, really well written, enjoyable, sad and true. It was really easy to read, flowed nicely.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2009
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I thought this was really good, really well written, enjoyable, sad and true. It was really easy to read, flowed nicely.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review , it is trully appreciated...
Comment from MsRefusenik
Really a charming story. It certainly deserves its "All Time Best" award and congratulations for it. The plot is tight and well thought out. The conclusion is as it must be. It was like watching an old flawless movie. Well done and great writing.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2009
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Really a charming story. It certainly deserves its "All Time Best" award and congratulations for it. The plot is tight and well thought out. The conclusion is as it must be. It was like watching an old flawless movie. Well done and great writing.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your review, I am truly delighted every time my stories resonate with a reader
Comment from mmichelle97219
I liked the tale but there is just WAY too much passive voice. It slows the flow and tempo of your prose. Replace the passive verbs (were going, had been swimming, was waiting) with more active verbs. it will greatly improve things and make it pop. There is a lot of potential in this piece. There are some other nits I found and have listed them below.
Michelle
He was never late to the job, never called in sick, and was well-regarded by his boss...only a few months away from retirement after forty-five years of honorable service without losing a letter. = well regarded does not need a hyphen
He believed delivering good news a second time would bring forth the same joyful reception. = comma after news
So he'd wait and read the letter with the recipient (often an unexpected situation for the host) and be overcome with joy if the letter's news was cheerful.= comma after so
Mediocre students received high marks, prosperity and wealth grew amongst the hard working neighborhood. = replace the comma after marks with a semi-colon as both sides are independent statements
Today one, tomorrow another, and no one knew why.= you don't need the comma after another
To explore subjects and analyze themes, to deliberately exaggerate and sow envy between neighbors. = you are missing the verb here. you have some but they are used as adjectives. Read the sentence and then complete the thought
As word has it the e-mail was deleted.= comma after it
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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I liked the tale but there is just WAY too much passive voice. It slows the flow and tempo of your prose. Replace the passive verbs (were going, had been swimming, was waiting) with more active verbs. it will greatly improve things and make it pop. There is a lot of potential in this piece. There are some other nits I found and have listed them below.
Michelle
He was never late to the job, never called in sick, and was well-regarded by his boss...only a few months away from retirement after forty-five years of honorable service without losing a letter. = well regarded does not need a hyphen
He believed delivering good news a second time would bring forth the same joyful reception. = comma after news
So he'd wait and read the letter with the recipient (often an unexpected situation for the host) and be overcome with joy if the letter's news was cheerful.= comma after so
Mediocre students received high marks, prosperity and wealth grew amongst the hard working neighborhood. = replace the comma after marks with a semi-colon as both sides are independent statements
Today one, tomorrow another, and no one knew why.= you don't need the comma after another
To explore subjects and analyze themes, to deliberately exaggerate and sow envy between neighbors. = you are missing the verb here. you have some but they are used as adjectives. Read the sentence and then complete the thought
As word has it the e-mail was deleted.= comma after it
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Thank you for your time and editing advice, it's trully appreciated
Comment from marion
Hi there. apelle, what a well-written story. One I enjoyed so much. Well paced and excellent flow. Never lost my interest once! And I like that in a story, means its a good story! I would think about a six for this, but think is all I can do as I have no more left for the week. I have read some very good work of late. If I may make one comment on this perfect little story, I would add - As word has it(,) the e-mail was deleted. It puts more emphasis on the end, which is exceptional! Marion.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Hi there. apelle, what a well-written story. One I enjoyed so much. Well paced and excellent flow. Never lost my interest once! And I like that in a story, means its a good story! I would think about a six for this, but think is all I can do as I have no more left for the week. I have read some very good work of late. If I may make one comment on this perfect little story, I would add - As word has it(,) the e-mail was deleted. It puts more emphasis on the end, which is exceptional! Marion.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and the editing advise , it is trully appreciated...
Comment from perunest
Ah, yes. The inevitable constant change
that we are always faced with. Sometimes
it is good, and other times, well . . .
I enjoyed this story of how the mailman
became extinct . . . almost.
Carolyn
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Ah, yes. The inevitable constant change
that we are always faced with. Sometimes
it is good, and other times, well . . .
I enjoyed this story of how the mailman
became extinct . . . almost.
Carolyn
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story :)
Comment from bc1yax
so cute the mailman is fired - no one knows why but they want him back - the story was so smooth to read - no lumps or bumps to slow it down -
--- excellent ---
0--;) bc1yax
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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so cute the mailman is fired - no one knows why but they want him back - the story was so smooth to read - no lumps or bumps to slow it down -
--- excellent ---
0--;) bc1yax
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review , it is trully appreciated...
Comment from zlp22
Loved this story, It has truth to it. Someday the job of mailman is going to be gone forever. Computers have taken over the world. I don't think that will be a good thing. People need people in person, not thru a screen.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Loved this story, It has truth to it. Someday the job of mailman is going to be gone forever. Computers have taken over the world. I don't think that will be a good thing. People need people in person, not thru a screen.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review , it is trully appreciated...
Comment from TillMcCauley
You speak, or write rather =) to a sad truth that is happening more and more each day, electronic replacing real. I enjoyed reading this piece so very much. Thanks for sharing your talent.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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You speak, or write rather =) to a sad truth that is happening more and more each day, electronic replacing real. I enjoyed reading this piece so very much. Thanks for sharing your talent.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review , it is trully appreciated...
Comment from Penpal
I enjoyed this satirical look at the human side of things versus modern-day communications. Very well written, and leaves the reader pondering about what has happened in this impersonal world where we can scan all walks of life through the technology.
An ironic tale with an ironic ending.
Good job, it held me interested right to the ending.
Pen
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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I enjoyed this satirical look at the human side of things versus modern-day communications. Very well written, and leaves the reader pondering about what has happened in this impersonal world where we can scan all walks of life through the technology.
An ironic tale with an ironic ending.
Good job, it held me interested right to the ending.
Pen
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story :)
Comment from Joei
This is a unique and enjoyable piece. It makes me smile. It reminds me of the short features that run before a Pixar movie. Your writing style is masterful.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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This is a unique and enjoyable piece. It makes me smile. It reminds me of the short features that run before a Pixar movie. Your writing style is masterful.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your generous review :)
