Double Trouble
Su Lin is a hired killer.60 total reviews
Comment from medicnate
This is writing at its best. Nice work. I enjoyed this story a lot. You really caught the essence of the strong character. Your protagonist exhudes strength and power.
Loved this bit:
Romantic relationships were like gears in an old pocket watch, she thought. They were always turning, some of the gears small and fast, others, bigger and slower. Some just didn't work at all.
So true, so true.
Great job.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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This is writing at its best. Nice work. I enjoyed this story a lot. You really caught the essence of the strong character. Your protagonist exhudes strength and power.
Loved this bit:
Romantic relationships were like gears in an old pocket watch, she thought. They were always turning, some of the gears small and fast, others, bigger and slower. Some just didn't work at all.
So true, so true.
Great job.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 17-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Thanks so much, Medicnate. Are you a medic? I do appreciatge your comments and your time...I will be watching for your work as well from now on....Bob (Mastery)
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Bob,
Alas, I was a Paramedic. Only for 7 yrs because working 4 24 hour shifts/wk was not very condusive to my marriage, thus, I sadly retired. But my wife's happy, hehe.
~medicnate~
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello Mastery,
I was absolutely enthralled by your vivid story. You described both main characters perfectly. You went from one to the other, and then to their deadly encounter. This was an excilting read!
Only a couple of minor glitches, both coming near or at the end.
"he stared at her as though she had just been hatched from an egg."
For some reason that simile doesn't ring right to me. It's too far out. Not sure what you could substitute, but you might want to give it some thought.
"None of us know," should be "None of us knows," None is singular.
That's it. Nothing serious. Well done.
Ray
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Hello Mastery,
I was absolutely enthralled by your vivid story. You described both main characters perfectly. You went from one to the other, and then to their deadly encounter. This was an excilting read!
Only a couple of minor glitches, both coming near or at the end.
"he stared at her as though she had just been hatched from an egg."
For some reason that simile doesn't ring right to me. It's too far out. Not sure what you could substitute, but you might want to give it some thought.
"None of us know," should be "None of us knows," None is singular.
That's it. Nothing serious. Well done.
Ray
Comment Written 16-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Thanks pen & ink...I do appreciate your comments as well as your time...I will be watching for your work also....Bob (Mastery)
Comment from maxic59
That was very good, full of suspense and intrigue, your ending was completely out of the blue. Well done.
Good luck with the competition
cheers max
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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That was very good, full of suspense and intrigue, your ending was completely out of the blue. Well done.
Good luck with the competition
cheers max
Comment Written 16-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Thanks so much, Maxic...I truly appreciate your time and comments...Bob (Mastery)
Comment from adewpearl
That has to suck, seeing her father for the first time in 29 years as she is forced to kill him lest be killed by him.
Talk about a bad day! Getting into the assassin business is evidently no walk in the park. The fight to the death scene is especially vivid and compelling. This is a fascinating interpretation of the contest prompt picture. Well done. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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That has to suck, seeing her father for the first time in 29 years as she is forced to kill him lest be killed by him.
Talk about a bad day! Getting into the assassin business is evidently no walk in the park. The fight to the death scene is especially vivid and compelling. This is a fascinating interpretation of the contest prompt picture. Well done. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Thanks so much, Brooke...I do appreciate your taking the time to read and review...Bless you...Bob
Comment from BellasTales
Hello Bob,
I had to take a peek, see what you have been up to. lol
What can I say, I'm still a fan, masterfully written, no pun intended. Very descriptive, and of course intriguing from the start. You completely captured the picture from the name Su Lin, to her demeanor, all of it worked. Great job!
Bella
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Hello Bob,
I had to take a peek, see what you have been up to. lol
What can I say, I'm still a fan, masterfully written, no pun intended. Very descriptive, and of course intriguing from the start. You completely captured the picture from the name Su Lin, to her demeanor, all of it worked. Great job!
Bella
Comment Written 16-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Glad you did like this, Bella...My heart is into short stories for the main. I do write poetry now and then to keep my imagery skills honed if possible..LOL...Bob
Comment from dihardest
Stunning! Your powers of description are simply phenomenal. The anecdotal, off-hand quips you weave into the dialogue provide balance, breaking the narrative without disrupting it, yet continuing the development of your characters and advancement of your plot. As thoroughly as you develop SuLin, she remains an enigma. Revealing her last name as she discovers her father is potent stuff. Yes, your sentence about the eyes captures the essence of this piece.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Stunning! Your powers of description are simply phenomenal. The anecdotal, off-hand quips you weave into the dialogue provide balance, breaking the narrative without disrupting it, yet continuing the development of your characters and advancement of your plot. As thoroughly as you develop SuLin, she remains an enigma. Revealing her last name as she discovers her father is potent stuff. Yes, your sentence about the eyes captures the essence of this piece.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Thanks so very much, dihardest...I appreciate your comments very much...Bob (Mastery)
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
Great writing! Loved every minute of it. I'm beginning to regret that I entered :)
"Says who, Gary?" Sounds like the bullshit machine is working overtime again." - you have an extra quote in there.
You take up with Piranha fish, don't expect them to go on a diet, Lu Lu. - LOVE this line.
What a fantastic ending! Absolutely terrific. Her FATHER!
Great job.
John
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Great writing! Loved every minute of it. I'm beginning to regret that I entered :)
"Says who, Gary?" Sounds like the bullshit machine is working overtime again." - you have an extra quote in there.
You take up with Piranha fish, don't expect them to go on a diet, Lu Lu. - LOVE this line.
What a fantastic ending! Absolutely terrific. Her FATHER!
Great job.
John
Comment Written 16-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Thanks so much, Blaidd Drwg. I am most appreciative of your time and comments..really! Bob (Mastery) (I will watch for your work from now on also..)
Comment from Freeflyer
Surely this is just the first chapter. You cannot leave us hanging here. Why did he try to kill her? Did he know it was his daughter? Who sent him? Great writing, by the way.
Freeflyer
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2009
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Surely this is just the first chapter. You cannot leave us hanging here. Why did he try to kill her? Did he know it was his daughter? Who sent him? Great writing, by the way.
Freeflyer
Comment Written 15-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2009
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Thanks so much, freeflyer...I guess I will make it a book after all...Thanks again for your encouragement...Bob (Mastery)
Comment from apelle
Oh, what a gifted writer ! Your writing is spellbinding , I loved your words and how you command them into the story . Your characters are so carefully sketched , just like perfect drawings , the correct light casting the desired shadow . I am so humbled vis a vis my entry after reading your contest entry ...
Thanks for a wonderful read and lesson
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2009
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Oh, what a gifted writer ! Your writing is spellbinding , I loved your words and how you command them into the story . Your characters are so carefully sketched , just like perfect drawings , the correct light casting the desired shadow . I am so humbled vis a vis my entry after reading your contest entry ...
Thanks for a wonderful read and lesson
Comment Written 15-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2009
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Awww. You honor me, Apelle. I am sure your entry is just fine, in fact I will take a look, if you like. I appreciate your time and your comments very much...Bob
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It would be my honor if you'd review my entry....Honestly , no sugar coating :)
Comment from mmichelle97219
I really liked this and thought that you really did give us a strong character as well as a very strong story. Well done.
Good luck in the voting booth
Michelle
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2009
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I really liked this and thought that you really did give us a strong character as well as a very strong story. Well done.
Good luck in the voting booth
Michelle
Comment Written 15-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2009
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Thankyou so much, Michelle...I remember you from before I took my two-year haitus. I do appreciate your review very much...Bob
