The Gypsy
character study15 total reviews
Comment from joan marie
Comma after love in first paragraph.
Suggestion: You became an illusion instead of ended up being. Comma after but in same paragraph.
Period end of sentence starting My dreams were hardly.
Comma before but in sentence beginning Orla, the gypsy woman.
Should Pulling be capitalized after ...? I love narratives. It felt like you were telling my the story. Just a little clean up. joan marie
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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Comma after love in first paragraph.
Suggestion: You became an illusion instead of ended up being. Comma after but in same paragraph.
Period end of sentence starting My dreams were hardly.
Comma before but in sentence beginning Orla, the gypsy woman.
Should Pulling be capitalized after ...? I love narratives. It felt like you were telling my the story. Just a little clean up. joan marie
Comment Written 18-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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Joan Marie, thanks so much for the editing advise, it's greatly appreciated...
Comment from nightslasher
Amazing insight. It makes you really feel for the character and have amazing empathy, after all we've all been there in one form or another. The dark imagery and heartbreaking ending really make you think about love in all its forms.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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Amazing insight. It makes you really feel for the character and have amazing empathy, after all we've all been there in one form or another. The dark imagery and heartbreaking ending really make you think about love in all its forms.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review , the truth is that I am overcome with joy everytime someone enjoys it :)
Comment from darkgreennights
Darn I am very sorry I dont have six stars left. Desire and destruction are twin faces you have captured that perfectly. I'm not suprised you have been published. Congratulations
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Darn I am very sorry I dont have six stars left. Desire and destruction are twin faces you have captured that perfectly. I'm not suprised you have been published. Congratulations
Comment Written 17-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review , the truth is that I am overcome with joy everytime someone enjoys it :)
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I'm so glad I stopped by then
Kathleen
Comment from c_lucas
This is a gripping story of love unreturned. You did a very good job. It is well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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This is a gripping story of love unreturned. You did a very good job. It is well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review
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You'rre welcome, A. Charlie
Comment from Carol D Parker
Strange and uniwque but very creative.
Strange and unique, but very creative. I like the way you developed the story, leading up to the end slowly. Great suspense and very good description of the girl. Good luck in the contest
Delora
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Strange and uniwque but very creative.
Strange and unique, but very creative. I like the way you developed the story, leading up to the end slowly. Great suspense and very good description of the girl. Good luck in the contest
Delora
Comment Written 17-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review , the truth is that I am overcome with joy everytime someone enjoys it :)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
They say that when you (You don't need the that.)
This is strong and powerful. I loved it and you did a great job with it. Your descriptions and emotions were wonderful.
face were turned towards the rising (It should be toward.)
The next day I realized that you were just a heap of body pleasures (The following day I realized you were just a heap of body pleasures.)
You never thought that in the end things (You don't need the that.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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They say that when you (You don't need the that.)
This is strong and powerful. I loved it and you did a great job with it. Your descriptions and emotions were wonderful.
face were turned towards the rising (It should be toward.)
The next day I realized that you were just a heap of body pleasures (The following day I realized you were just a heap of body pleasures.)
You never thought that in the end things (You don't need the that.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and for catching the spags
Comment from maxic59
A very good story, I really liked the line "You ended up being an illusion, an illusion I used as a guiding light but landed as fine sand in the desert of my desires."
very descriptive
well done
good luck with the competition
cheers max
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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A very good story, I really liked the line "You ended up being an illusion, an illusion I used as a guiding light but landed as fine sand in the desert of my desires."
very descriptive
well done
good luck with the competition
cheers max
Comment Written 16-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Thanks so much for reading my story and most importantly for getting the message I had in mind....It's all an illusion//
Comment from dihardest
I like this a lot. It reads like the pounding pulse I imagine someone would have just after killing someone, while waiting for the police to arrive. Your description of the gypsy woman is a relentless rant. Again, introspection I imagine someone would use just after something this horrific - justification and dissipation of anger. I like the alliterative repetition of "same" early in the story. It reads like anger.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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I like this a lot. It reads like the pounding pulse I imagine someone would have just after killing someone, while waiting for the police to arrive. Your description of the gypsy woman is a relentless rant. Again, introspection I imagine someone would use just after something this horrific - justification and dissipation of anger. I like the alliterative repetition of "same" early in the story. It reads like anger.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review , it is trully appreciated...
Comment from olliebuster
What a painful end. Not so much for the gypsy but for the man who killed her. Yearning but not quite getting the wholeness, the satisfaction he so desired. The gypsy seemed like an itch he could not scratch, so he exorcised it. Good vivid detail. Olliebuster.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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What a painful end. Not so much for the gypsy but for the man who killed her. Yearning but not quite getting the wholeness, the satisfaction he so desired. The gypsy seemed like an itch he could not scratch, so he exorcised it. Good vivid detail. Olliebuster.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review
Comment from lola29
I'm out of sixes, darn it. I'll just call you Ms. Hemmingway. What a spectacular story you presented in flawless script; magnificent! I think you should move to the head of the class - A+++.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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I'm out of sixes, darn it. I'll just call you Ms. Hemmingway. What a spectacular story you presented in flawless script; magnificent! I think you should move to the head of the class - A+++.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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lola29, I am touched and honored for such praise....Truth is that it's comments like this one, when the writer connects with the reader, that make writing an absolute joy !!
