Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Family Roots"Some bloodlines run very deep.
21 total reviews
Comment from jlsavell
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Nightwriter, this is just getting better and better. You my friend have na imagination that cannot be matched!!! Ok you must write on, the suspense is killing me..bravo to you my friend..jimi
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2009
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Nightwriter, this is just getting better and better. You my friend have na imagination that cannot be matched!!! Ok you must write on, the suspense is killing me..bravo to you my friend..jimi
Comment Written 18-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2009
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Thank you Jimi. I was sick this past week and while on the Tylenol I had some really good thoughts on the next chapter, but of course now I'm stuck. :)
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no!!!!! you can't be stuck..but I do understand..I am there with Sweet Miss Fata..
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hope you are feeling better my friend..jimi
Comment from anabelle
Rats the size of small cats? Good place to hide anything you wouldn't want found. The tension in this chapter is great. It keep my eyes riveted to the page from the beginning to the end.
I wondered about just one thing" would it 'research party', or 'search party'? I wasn't sure.
I really liked the not a 'fixer-upper', but a 'tear-down'.
Nice touch.
Well done. Looking forward to my next visit. Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2009
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Rats the size of small cats? Good place to hide anything you wouldn't want found. The tension in this chapter is great. It keep my eyes riveted to the page from the beginning to the end.
I wondered about just one thing" would it 'research party', or 'search party'? I wasn't sure.
I really liked the not a 'fixer-upper', but a 'tear-down'.
Nice touch.
Well done. Looking forward to my next visit. Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 10-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much Anabelle! It should be research party as they were looking for a new home. Did I say search party in there somewhere? Sometimes my fingers get away from me, LOL. Thanks again!
Comment from Sylvia Page
Very well written. I enjoyed reading this. Good ending. But the biting part is a little bit abrupt. Maybe you can build that up a little more. Overall a good narration.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2009
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Very well written. I enjoyed reading this. Good ending. But the biting part is a little bit abrupt. Maybe you can build that up a little more. Overall a good narration.
Sylvia
Comment Written 09-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review, Sylvia! The biting parts are among my favorites. I'll take another look. Thanks!
Comment from Jonesy
Excellent, excellent, excellent. The dialogue is crisp and engaging, as well as the detail and descriptions (that also have the proper placing and length), such as:
Rats were seen weaving trails between their open ribcages and snakes made homes in many of their skulls
Things like this are interesting and does a great job of aiding readers in picturing the scene, and in just a few words.
The mark of a talented writer.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2009
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Excellent, excellent, excellent. The dialogue is crisp and engaging, as well as the detail and descriptions (that also have the proper placing and length), such as:
Rats were seen weaving trails between their open ribcages and snakes made homes in many of their skulls
Things like this are interesting and does a great job of aiding readers in picturing the scene, and in just a few words.
The mark of a talented writer.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2009
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Wow! Thank you so much Jonesy for such an awesome review! :) I'll make sure to keep adding details to the stories.
Comment from Vladilynn
Whewwwwwww!!!!! what's happening!!!!!!!what!!..?? HMMMMM....wow!! that's so fast like action and graphics~
But what will happen to the part that Stan saw the images of future!? huh!! very!! very interesting!!! okay where's the next chapter!??
Thank you for sharing,
Love much,
Lynn ( ^ _________ ^ )
Enjoyed a lot and can't wait for the next one!!!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2009
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Whewwwwwww!!!!! what's happening!!!!!!!what!!..?? HMMMMM....wow!! that's so fast like action and graphics~
But what will happen to the part that Stan saw the images of future!? huh!! very!! very interesting!!! okay where's the next chapter!??
Thank you for sharing,
Love much,
Lynn ( ^ _________ ^ )
Enjoyed a lot and can't wait for the next one!!!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2009
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Thank you SO MUCH Lynn!!! :)
Comment from WRITER1
A very good chapter, I liked the way the characters showed their emotions. They were very believable. That to me is very important. You did a good job.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2009
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A very good chapter, I liked the way the characters showed their emotions. They were very believable. That to me is very important. You did a good job.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much, Writer1 for your wonderful and encouraging review!
Comment from Wm B. Naylor
A gripping chapter even if I am short of context. Your villainess is truly frightening - I always love an implacable force of evil - it just makes us (as readers) feel so helpless and hopeless against all that power and ability. Well done.
Just a note for your consideration:
"I've had enough of this place[.] and am [i'm]taking the girls home."
Sincerely,
Will
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2009
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A gripping chapter even if I am short of context. Your villainess is truly frightening - I always love an implacable force of evil - it just makes us (as readers) feel so helpless and hopeless against all that power and ability. Well done.
Just a note for your consideration:
"I've had enough of this place[.] and am [i'm]taking the girls home."
Sincerely,
Will
Comment Written 07-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much Will for your wonderful review. I like your suggestion and will put it to use right away. Thank you!
Comment from adewpearl
Good God, aliens??? LOL Every time I think we have run out of new twists and turns - so, is he really an alien or is this all a mind game she is playing on him and she just concocted the story? You are adding so many layers here that I don't know what is true and what is not anymore - and God help me, I'm forgetting the whole lot of it is fiction! LOL
Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2009
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Good God, aliens??? LOL Every time I think we have run out of new twists and turns - so, is he really an alien or is this all a mind game she is playing on him and she just concocted the story? You are adding so many layers here that I don't know what is true and what is not anymore - and God help me, I'm forgetting the whole lot of it is fiction! LOL
Brooke
Comment Written 07-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2009
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Cool! Thanks so much for your wonderful review Brooke! It's magic, that's what it is, 100% pure entertainment and magic. :) (Just don't tell Stan, LOL)
Comment from pw683739
Although this type of story is not something I would enjoy reading, I can still recognize when it is done well. You have obvious narrative ability. It flowed well, and was organized accordingly.
What detracted from this for me was that I've read alot of vampire shit, too much really. I've also read enough pulp fiction. This did not seem orginal to me. While you did what you wanted to do, there are a million other stories just like this.
Example: It seems a bit silly at one part in particular. When Linda bites stan, she pretty much announces her evil plan out outloud. This is kind of ridiculous. If I were to change anything, I would lengthen the parts before it, and then end the chapter with her act of betrayal. The remaining section could be another chapter. This would allow you to bypass the cliched evil monologue device. Hope this helps.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2009
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Although this type of story is not something I would enjoy reading, I can still recognize when it is done well. You have obvious narrative ability. It flowed well, and was organized accordingly.
What detracted from this for me was that I've read alot of vampire shit, too much really. I've also read enough pulp fiction. This did not seem orginal to me. While you did what you wanted to do, there are a million other stories just like this.
Example: It seems a bit silly at one part in particular. When Linda bites stan, she pretty much announces her evil plan out outloud. This is kind of ridiculous. If I were to change anything, I would lengthen the parts before it, and then end the chapter with her act of betrayal. The remaining section could be another chapter. This would allow you to bypass the cliched evil monologue device. Hope this helps.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2009
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Thanks for your helpful review pw683739. I will look at this part and see what I can do. Maybe I can plant the seed earlier in the story. Thanks again!
Comment from Jonez08
Exciting chapter Steve, great flow and dialog. I love the descriptives of he spacecraft. You've done a great job of keeping this story moving forward. The ending is awesome. Can't wait to see what happens next.
The stairway to the basement was absent of (all) light and reeked of mold.
(all not needed. Consider rephrasing this sentence to read: The dark stairway to the basement reeked of mold.)
Looks more like a tear-down
(LOL)
The tunnel was void of (all) life.
(not needed)
She was on the (cusp) of reaching her dream of being all powerful and living forever.
(nice use of a rare word)
Cassandra
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2009
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Exciting chapter Steve, great flow and dialog. I love the descriptives of he spacecraft. You've done a great job of keeping this story moving forward. The ending is awesome. Can't wait to see what happens next.
The stairway to the basement was absent of (all) light and reeked of mold.
(all not needed. Consider rephrasing this sentence to read: The dark stairway to the basement reeked of mold.)
Looks more like a tear-down
(LOL)
The tunnel was void of (all) life.
(not needed)
She was on the (cusp) of reaching her dream of being all powerful and living forever.
(nice use of a rare word)
Cassandra
Comment Written 07-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much, Cassandra, for reading, your wonderful review and those helpful suggestions. :)
