Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "A Family Matter"Some bloodlines run very deep.
24 total reviews
Comment from findingmyroom
This is a good transitional chapter. A lot of information is revealed here, like Linda's mind-reading abilities and more about cold and hibernation. I hope the balance of power changes soon and Linda gets put in her place!
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2009
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This is a good transitional chapter. A lot of information is revealed here, like Linda's mind-reading abilities and more about cold and hibernation. I hope the balance of power changes soon and Linda gets put in her place!
Comment Written 05-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2009
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LOL. Thank you so much for your wonderful review! Oh, Linda gets hers, but she's still around.
Comment from jlsavell
NightWriter, oh goodness I do not know if I can give you any helpful review, other that --------- fantastic. The tension, the suspense, the dialougue, the imagery, the action, the confrontation..whewww.. I am watching this scene unfold in my mind's eye. I need a six..here***************.....jimi
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2009
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NightWriter, oh goodness I do not know if I can give you any helpful review, other that --------- fantastic. The tension, the suspense, the dialougue, the imagery, the action, the confrontation..whewww.. I am watching this scene unfold in my mind's eye. I need a six..here***************.....jimi
Comment Written 18-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2009
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Thanks for the virtual six stars and your wonderful review! Where's Fata? :)
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I do not know whrre Fata is, she has escaped me!!!!! actually thrilled that someone misses her.. I know I know..I must continue, but I am working on another horror story..have the idea, just do not know how to write it.. you know how writing drain the brain..
Comment from Vladilynn
Wow!!!! very tempting chapter!!! Hi Steve!!! are you doing good lately!! I can see that your NOvel will be ending pretty soon..the chapters really makes us sit on the edge of our chairs..too well written~
Thank you for sharing,
Love much,
Lynn ( ^ _________ ^ )
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2009
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Wow!!!! very tempting chapter!!! Hi Steve!!! are you doing good lately!! I can see that your NOvel will be ending pretty soon..the chapters really makes us sit on the edge of our chairs..too well written~
Thank you for sharing,
Love much,
Lynn ( ^ _________ ^ )
Comment Written 08-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much, Lynn. You never know about these things, something else can pop up and away we goooo! :)
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Just make me guessing okay!!! :0)
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Just make me guessing okay!!! :0)
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Just make me guessing okay!!! :0)
Comment from Starcruiser
This story is very entetaining - keeps you coming back for more. I think this is a very important aspect when you're writing for the Big Screen, or tv series. I also like that hint of girl on girl (Linda & Brook in the beginning), this is a very popular theme in our culture these days - it was a real teaser & tastefully written!!! Once again, this has Hollywood written all over it - I refer to this as my weekly series now! KG
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2009
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This story is very entetaining - keeps you coming back for more. I think this is a very important aspect when you're writing for the Big Screen, or tv series. I also like that hint of girl on girl (Linda & Brook in the beginning), this is a very popular theme in our culture these days - it was a real teaser & tastefully written!!! Once again, this has Hollywood written all over it - I refer to this as my weekly series now! KG
Comment Written 07-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much, KG, for this awesome review and encouragement! Just mentioning Hollywood made my day. That is the ultimate destination for this story. The novel writing helps to put it all together. Once I'm done with the novel, I'll turn toward the screenplay. I'm just getting started on that learning process. You clearly see this the same way I do. The screenplay will be more visual of course and allow for more showing. The Brook and Linda scenes should be hotter because Linda can actually help Brook over some of her new problems. It's a delicate area, but one I would love to expand on more in the screenplay. It could go to either a big screen or TV series depending on who wants it at the time. Some independent studios do pretty good work too. Thanks again! :)
P.S. It is exactly like a weekly series!
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Hi again Nightwriter
In regards to independent movie studios have a look at this one: http://www.darkwindowfilm.com/... It's an Irish company fairly new. They have offices in both London & the Rebuplic of Ireland. Just have a good look thru the website & see what you think. Michael Parle one of the directors & producers for the company has won 2 or 3 international film awards for both acting & directing. You can checkout some of his work/movies (Michael Parle) on u-tube, can't remember the name of this particular movie at the moment - but it took home a couple of international awards. Apart from myself, I can tell your work is more suited for the screen. I consider myself more of a storyteller than a writer. Also, (as I mentioned to you before) I really encourage anyone who is seriously writing for the screen to checkout the fantastic unsigned (esp soundtrack) musicians on 'Showcase Your Music & Myspace' ... 'Support Real Artists'! KG
Comment from Mountainstar2
This is a very interesting story penned here. It's well written within it's wording content. I feel this is a story that could make it to a book on the shelves, or indeed on the big screen. I know only I'd watch it.....
I like this story because the Author brings it alive for the reader, with detailed interest of a great imagination of the Writer. I thank you for sharing and caring enough to give of yourself in your work. Helps one now, to see yet another Chapter coming very soon. I will be glad to see and review it as well...MOuntainstar2..
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2009
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This is a very interesting story penned here. It's well written within it's wording content. I feel this is a story that could make it to a book on the shelves, or indeed on the big screen. I know only I'd watch it.....
I like this story because the Author brings it alive for the reader, with detailed interest of a great imagination of the Writer. I thank you for sharing and caring enough to give of yourself in your work. Helps one now, to see yet another Chapter coming very soon. I will be glad to see and review it as well...MOuntainstar2..
Comment Written 04-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much, Mountainstar2 for such a beautiful and encouraging review!
Steve
Comment from titacamiller
Wow! That was very interesting and exciting, you did an incredible job with that story. I really enjoyed reading it. I only seen one very minor puntuation error: lack of commas. Otherwise, content was excellent. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2009
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Wow! That was very interesting and exciting, you did an incredible job with that story. I really enjoyed reading it. I only seen one very minor puntuation error: lack of commas. Otherwise, content was excellent. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 04-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2009
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Thank toy so much, titacamiller for your wonderful review!!! :) I'll take a look at the commas.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi Steve, a conflicting chapter here. Well described scene as always, though I still think you can do away with some of the speech tags. In some parts, they are not necessary and will just make your story wordy and slow down the reading.
See some suggestions where the sentences can be simplified:
Stan raised her hand to his lips [and] kissed her fingers [and] replied, "Keep holding my hand, love[,] and I should be okay.
-Stan raised her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. "Keep holding my hand, love, and I should be okay.
Smiling, Stan replied, "A long time ago I did."
-Stan smiled. "A long time ago I did."
Turning to Lori, Stan asked, "You should eat something before we go, love."
-Stan turned Lori. "You should eat something before we go, love."
Grabbing her hand, Stan asked, "Are you feeling okay?"
(here, we know he's asking because of the Q mark)
-Stan grabbed her hand. "Are you feeling okay?"
Leaning closer, "I wish you didn't have to go, honey.
(need to clarify who leaned here)
-Lori leaned closer. "I wish you didn't have to go, honey.
Stan turned to Chuck and said, "Tell your people to back off."
-Stan turned to Chuck. "Tell your people to back off."
We wouldn't want you to catch cold now[,] would we?"
but her fist was blocked by Stan. - passive
-but Stan stepped in to block her fist.
Stan closed the distance between himself and Linda. - if he already blocked her fist, he had to be close to Linda. and I don't recall him standing far from them.
Hope those help!
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2009
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Hi Steve, a conflicting chapter here. Well described scene as always, though I still think you can do away with some of the speech tags. In some parts, they are not necessary and will just make your story wordy and slow down the reading.
See some suggestions where the sentences can be simplified:
Stan raised her hand to his lips [and] kissed her fingers [and] replied, "Keep holding my hand, love[,] and I should be okay.
-Stan raised her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. "Keep holding my hand, love, and I should be okay.
Smiling, Stan replied, "A long time ago I did."
-Stan smiled. "A long time ago I did."
Turning to Lori, Stan asked, "You should eat something before we go, love."
-Stan turned Lori. "You should eat something before we go, love."
Grabbing her hand, Stan asked, "Are you feeling okay?"
(here, we know he's asking because of the Q mark)
-Stan grabbed her hand. "Are you feeling okay?"
Leaning closer, "I wish you didn't have to go, honey.
(need to clarify who leaned here)
-Lori leaned closer. "I wish you didn't have to go, honey.
Stan turned to Chuck and said, "Tell your people to back off."
-Stan turned to Chuck. "Tell your people to back off."
We wouldn't want you to catch cold now[,] would we?"
but her fist was blocked by Stan. - passive
-but Stan stepped in to block her fist.
Stan closed the distance between himself and Linda. - if he already blocked her fist, he had to be close to Linda. and I don't recall him standing far from them.
Hope those help!
Comment Written 03-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2009
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Wow! Excellent review and suggestions. THANK YOU so much arjuna. I will make them, but more importantly, you helped me learn something here that I can take going forward. I spent all my votes for help, but when I get a new batch, I'm sending a vote your way. Thank you so much for reading and your much appreciated support. :)
Comment from Laidy
GREAT WRITE. I SAW NO CORRECTIONS THAT NEEDED TO BE MADE. WELL WRITTEN AND VERY CREATIVE WRITE. THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME THIS READ.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2009
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GREAT WRITE. I SAW NO CORRECTIONS THAT NEEDED TO BE MADE. WELL WRITTEN AND VERY CREATIVE WRITE. THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME THIS READ.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review, Laidy! :)
Comment from Terror2s
This story was captivating. I liked your use of dialogue. You didn't use a lot of tags with it which was good, but maybe you could substitute another word for "said" on those times that you did. Terror
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2009
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This story was captivating. I liked your use of dialogue. You didn't use a lot of tags with it which was good, but maybe you could substitute another word for "said" on those times that you did. Terror
Comment Written 02-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2009
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Thank you Terror! I'll look at those tags. :)
Comment from Kristia
Not your usual vampire story. I found that I was pulled into the story even though I had not read the previous chapters. I like your descriptions and the food sounded heavenly :). I want to know what is in the basement! Intriguing....sleeping with a vampire and not dying hmmm.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2009
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Not your usual vampire story. I found that I was pulled into the story even though I had not read the previous chapters. I like your descriptions and the food sounded heavenly :). I want to know what is in the basement! Intriguing....sleeping with a vampire and not dying hmmm.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much for reading and your wnderful review, Kristia! If you like food, in one of the earlier chapters they visit a buffet, LOL. There's something to said for vampires that don't kill. There's more love, someone warm to sleep with and someone to protect them during the day. At least in this story it works, but Linda helps bring out the more beastly side of the vampire, LOL. Thanks again!
