The Listener
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Roadside conversations"Telepathy makes business trust easy. Or should.
5 total reviews
Comment from worldofwordcraft
I've only one slightly critical remark to make - which should make you happy, because I know you like critical remarks. "Fifteen minutes later, and Laura was already regretting Judy's offer." - this is just a little unclear to me. Sure, I know what you mean, it just seems to me you could phrase it a little clearer, like "Fifteen minutes later, Laura regretted refusing Judy's offer", or somesuch. Otherwise, I enjoyed reading my daily installment of your book, and I make a point of "tuning in" every day, to see what happens next. Why can't Laura Listen to Christmas? Has he got some sort of conditioning that allows him to block telepaths?
reply by the author on 24-May-2009
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I've only one slightly critical remark to make - which should make you happy, because I know you like critical remarks. "Fifteen minutes later, and Laura was already regretting Judy's offer." - this is just a little unclear to me. Sure, I know what you mean, it just seems to me you could phrase it a little clearer, like "Fifteen minutes later, Laura regretted refusing Judy's offer", or somesuch. Otherwise, I enjoyed reading my daily installment of your book, and I make a point of "tuning in" every day, to see what happens next. Why can't Laura Listen to Christmas? Has he got some sort of conditioning that allows him to block telepaths?
Comment Written 24-May-2009
reply by the author on 24-May-2009
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Maybe it's a cultural thing, but it's a common construction in the UK, but I'll look it later when I have some distance.
Earlier in the book Christmas explains that telepathy is linked into the Guild's policy of insisting a country innoculates against Parkinson's. Secretly, the drug also makes the populace open to the populace. Christmas was deliberately recruited by the security forces before he was innoculated. This is the main plot point of the book, as Christmas wants to expose this.
Thanks for the review. 'Daily' might be a bit ambitious, especially as I'm busy next week, but I shall try not to disappoint.
Comment from WRITER1
I hope that Laura is getting the message not to trust her friends at the guild. I still think that Christmas is starting to grow on her. Good chapter.
reply by the author on 24-May-2009
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I hope that Laura is getting the message not to trust her friends at the guild. I still think that Christmas is starting to grow on her. Good chapter.
Comment Written 24-May-2009
reply by the author on 24-May-2009
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Thank you. I'm flattered you're still sticking with it
Comment from Adri7enne
Gee! Good read, snod. I'm liking Christmas. You're doing a fine job with developing the plot through dialogue. I like a story that moves along like this. Only one line sort of jarred on me.: "The aftermath of the anger and lack of breakfat HAD TURNED HER MUSCLES WEAK,..." I don't know how else you could say it, but it sounds "weak". Great job, though. Nice, professional writing. This book should be picked up by a reputable publisher. You have that polished tone to your writing. Good job.
reply by the author on 24-May-2009
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Gee! Good read, snod. I'm liking Christmas. You're doing a fine job with developing the plot through dialogue. I like a story that moves along like this. Only one line sort of jarred on me.: "The aftermath of the anger and lack of breakfat HAD TURNED HER MUSCLES WEAK,..." I don't know how else you could say it, but it sounds "weak". Great job, though. Nice, professional writing. This book should be picked up by a reputable publisher. You have that polished tone to your writing. Good job.
Comment Written 24-May-2009
reply by the author on 24-May-2009
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Haha, from your lips ...
Thanks for the review. I knew someone was going to hit me with the passive phrase thing.
Comment from Matt9537
Whoa. Such a gripping story and what a natural and effective cliff hanger you have left. I really like the way you've built up the relationship between Christmas and Laura. You can feel the tension and the anger...its really good!
You've described the scenes so well and the bit about her walking down the soft shoulder is really well described....
thank you got sharing!
reply by the author on 24-May-2009
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Whoa. Such a gripping story and what a natural and effective cliff hanger you have left. I really like the way you've built up the relationship between Christmas and Laura. You can feel the tension and the anger...its really good!
You've described the scenes so well and the bit about her walking down the soft shoulder is really well described....
thank you got sharing!
Comment Written 24-May-2009
reply by the author on 24-May-2009
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Thank you. I'm glad you liked it
Comment from Tellis
Dang this story got away from me somehow. I read the first chapters awhile back and somehow lost track of it. I'm glad I found it again. I enjoyed reading this well written tale. I'll have to go back and catch up with the story now.
tellis
reply by the author on 24-May-2009
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Dang this story got away from me somehow. I read the first chapters awhile back and somehow lost track of it. I'm glad I found it again. I enjoyed reading this well written tale. I'll have to go back and catch up with the story now.
tellis
Comment Written 24-May-2009
reply by the author on 24-May-2009
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Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it
