The Listener
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The Police Station"Telepathy makes business trust easy. Or should.
5 total reviews
Comment from Adri7enne
You're moving it along, Snod. I read with happy anticipation. It's a good chapter. Not every chapter of a book is full of new surprises. I enjoyed it well, and then I read your notes. Truly, there's nothing jarring, nothing that spoils the flow of the story.
Tiny spag.
"Do you want to make a witness statement, Miss Robinson.
Should be (?).
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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You're moving it along, Snod. I read with happy anticipation. It's a good chapter. Not every chapter of a book is full of new surprises. I enjoyed it well, and then I read your notes. Truly, there's nothing jarring, nothing that spoils the flow of the story.
Tiny spag.
"Do you want to make a witness statement, Miss Robinson.
Should be (?).
Comment Written 21-May-2009
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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Oops, thanks for that, and for the reassurance. Glad you liked it.
Comment from WRITER1
I didn't find it rushed, I liked the way Laura inter-acted with the listener woman cop. I liked that whole exchange. But if you think it needs a rewrite your the man to do it.
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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I didn't find it rushed, I liked the way Laura inter-acted with the listener woman cop. I liked that whole exchange. But if you think it needs a rewrite your the man to do it.
Comment Written 21-May-2009
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from Razberry-sundae
My gosh it was long! Maybe try cutting it in half. Otherwise, it was great. I don't think it was too rushed. No spelling mistakes so, congrats
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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My gosh it was long! Maybe try cutting it in half. Otherwise, it was great. I don't think it was too rushed. No spelling mistakes so, congrats
Comment Written 21-May-2009
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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There's a response to that, but I'm far too gentlemanly to make it. Thanks for your review and stamina.
Comment from worldofwordcraft
I'm giving you 6 for this, because I think it's good enough to publish. I've seen worse sci-fi books than this in print (and I'm a BIG sci-fi fan, so getting this kind of endorsement from me should mean something to you).
You've made just one teeny-weeny mistake:
"Do you want to make a witness statement, Miss Robinson."
- needs a ?
Other than that, this is excellent. I like the way you've handled the telepathic aspect, your character's reactions and dialogue are realistic and believable, and you've got us guessing about who the real heroes and villains of the story are: is Christmas lying; or the Telepath Guild? These are the kinds of questions that keep readers reading, so keep us guessing, Snodlander! I loved the line: "Peter faced up to Mendes, two alpha males testing each other out with stares" - that is just plain cool.
Would you do me a favour? Read chapter one of my book? If you don't like mine as much as I like yours, I won't ask you to read any more. But I think you WILL like mine, unless you have an aversion to fantasy. Most guys who like SF like fantasy, too; obviously, I like both.
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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I'm giving you 6 for this, because I think it's good enough to publish. I've seen worse sci-fi books than this in print (and I'm a BIG sci-fi fan, so getting this kind of endorsement from me should mean something to you).
You've made just one teeny-weeny mistake:
"Do you want to make a witness statement, Miss Robinson."
- needs a ?
Other than that, this is excellent. I like the way you've handled the telepathic aspect, your character's reactions and dialogue are realistic and believable, and you've got us guessing about who the real heroes and villains of the story are: is Christmas lying; or the Telepath Guild? These are the kinds of questions that keep readers reading, so keep us guessing, Snodlander! I loved the line: "Peter faced up to Mendes, two alpha males testing each other out with stares" - that is just plain cool.
Would you do me a favour? Read chapter one of my book? If you don't like mine as much as I like yours, I won't ask you to read any more. But I think you WILL like mine, unless you have an aversion to fantasy. Most guys who like SF like fantasy, too; obviously, I like both.
Comment Written 21-May-2009
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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I am flattered. Personally, I think this is weaker than I wanted, but thank you for your review and generous score.
I will read your chapter, when I get a chance. I'll warn you now, I'm not a fantasy fan. Liked Tolkein, didn't like any of the other big fantasy authors at all (Terry Pratchett doesn't count). However, I'll give your chapter a read when I have a chance. it's the least I can do.
Comment from EXMAN. nffc
"We've been after him for a little while. Anti-terrorism. You can do your country a service."
'Anti-terrorism.'It just isn't a sentence. May need a colon here or something. I'm not sure if you could get away with saying it's dialogue and therefore excused from the normal conventions. I could be right , I could be wrong. Just thought I'd point it out.
That's illegal, and you know it. Doesn't matter that I'm a Listener. Do you people not read the newsfeeds? Haven't you heard of The Nielson
I found myself tripping over the 'Doesn't matter' I think it would sound better with an 'It' in front of it but once again it's dialogue and quite ok.
Medes took a step back under the barrage
Missed the 'n' in Mendes.
Great work once again. I just love Laura as a character. She's got spunk. She just picks up the whole chapter and drags it along. Look forward to the next chapter.Thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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"We've been after him for a little while. Anti-terrorism. You can do your country a service."
'Anti-terrorism.'It just isn't a sentence. May need a colon here or something. I'm not sure if you could get away with saying it's dialogue and therefore excused from the normal conventions. I could be right , I could be wrong. Just thought I'd point it out.
That's illegal, and you know it. Doesn't matter that I'm a Listener. Do you people not read the newsfeeds? Haven't you heard of The Nielson
I found myself tripping over the 'Doesn't matter' I think it would sound better with an 'It' in front of it but once again it's dialogue and quite ok.
Medes took a step back under the barrage
Missed the 'n' in Mendes.
Great work once again. I just love Laura as a character. She's got spunk. She just picks up the whole chapter and drags it along. Look forward to the next chapter.Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 21-May-2009
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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Thank you for that. Yes, I'm going to use the Dialogue Defence. It might be a cultural thing. Thanks for the spag. Glad you like it. I've based Laura on a real Laura, but frankly, I think the real one is a great deal spunkier.
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My god. A real woman like that. It'd be like being hypnotised by a rearing cobra. You have captured her so well. Looking forward to the next chapter.
