Greed n' Feed
Selfish individuals seldom find true happiness.49 total reviews
Comment from WRITER1
Well, I think they got what they deserved. Leave the old man alone. Useless people don't deserve to have what hard working people got.
reply by the author on 14-May-2009
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Well, I think they got what they deserved. Leave the old man alone. Useless people don't deserve to have what hard working people got.
Comment Written 13-May-2009
reply by the author on 14-May-2009
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Thanks so much for your fine review, Writer...Bob (Mastery)
Comment from Reesha
This piece has amazing 3D characters in it. Within a short period of time, you gave enough history and physical description for me to truly visualize these characters. Shelly in particular was great. Also, you didn't describe the characters as soon as they stepped into the scene. Duddles wasn't until much later. Usually this doesn't work but you made it work.
I'm hesitant to say thanks for sharing though...*grins a gruesome smile*. Artistically I appreciate the work you've done. Constitutionally, not so much. :) But I assume that was the point.
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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This piece has amazing 3D characters in it. Within a short period of time, you gave enough history and physical description for me to truly visualize these characters. Shelly in particular was great. Also, you didn't describe the characters as soon as they stepped into the scene. Duddles wasn't until much later. Usually this doesn't work but you made it work.
I'm hesitant to say thanks for sharing though...*grins a gruesome smile*. Artistically I appreciate the work you've done. Constitutionally, not so much. :) But I assume that was the point.
Comment Written 13-May-2009
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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After reading your bio, particularly about your intolerance for spag, I am truly honored, Reesha...Thanks so much...Bob (Mastery)
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I do admit I saw a little spag in your story, but not very much. The story was so interesting that it pulled me in and I didn't really notice. For me, that means it was an exceptional story.
Comment from louparis
The suspense rises paragraph by paragraph, the character descriptions are inventive and visible. The rage and mayhem of the finale is a bit predictable, but well done.
The opening paragraphs were somewhat slow and tends to sap a reader's interest until the car arrives.
Overall good. The modern pulp reader has a penchant for blood and guts.
lou paris
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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The suspense rises paragraph by paragraph, the character descriptions are inventive and visible. The rage and mayhem of the finale is a bit predictable, but well done.
The opening paragraphs were somewhat slow and tends to sap a reader's interest until the car arrives.
Overall good. The modern pulp reader has a penchant for blood and guts.
lou paris
Comment Written 13-May-2009
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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Hi, Louis Thank you so very much for your time and your wonderful stars...As to the beginning, I can only take part of the responsibiity for that...The contest rules came up with this very lame intro line that you must use as an opening line...LOL...Where in the hell do you go from talking about an open window? Know what I mean? I agree with you and am fully aware that a kick-ass "hook" is ideal, especially in a case like this story...Oh, well..Again, I thak you for your time and I will be watching for your work as well....Thanks again, Bob (Mastery)
Comment from Allezw2
Master Mastery,
My it has been a time since I saw one of yours here.
Love the word smithing:
A perfect orange disk easing into big, rambunctious clouds, pink and purple, leaking bolts of sunlight.
Your description of the the house and yard certainly bring an indelible image of neglect to the reader's eyes.
An interesting twist with a couple of amoral psycopaths probably getting their just desserts.
Nicely done,
Fantasist
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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Master Mastery,
My it has been a time since I saw one of yours here.
Love the word smithing:
A perfect orange disk easing into big, rambunctious clouds, pink and purple, leaking bolts of sunlight.
Your description of the the house and yard certainly bring an indelible image of neglect to the reader's eyes.
An interesting twist with a couple of amoral psycopaths probably getting their just desserts.
Nicely done,
Fantasist
Comment Written 13-May-2009
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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Wow! Good to see you, also...How have you been? I truly appreciate your ultra kind review! And a six? Wow! I will be watching for your work, also...Not sure if you are in my fan base as it was pretty well finished when I left in 2006..Thanks again, Bob (Mastery) PS...Not sure where you saw the word "smithing" in my story? LOL
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Master Mastery,
Oh, oh.
It wasn't.
I keyed in "... word smithing. not "... word, smithing.
Word smithing, as in crafting a tale with the best words joined into a whole for a stellar posting.
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
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Ooooops! LOL..Thanks so much, Bob
Comment from gauntlet
Hey Bob,
This story certainly had a kick to it. I found it to be very raw and compelling. Those two certainly had it coming to them. At the same time, it's hard for me to completely, morally justify Duddles' actions, but they are certainly understandable, and if I had been on a jury if he'd come to trial, I wouldn't have had the heart to convict him for murder. I found the fact that the two would be moochers became pig food to be a pretty delicious irony. This story was hard to get out of my mind after reading it. It reminded me a bit of how I felt after seeing the movie, No Country For Old Men. Not a lot of optimism here, but at least in your story, the good guy came out on top. Good, I think, is relatively speaking in this case. Those two didn't know they were dealing with someone with so much grit and darkness to him I don't believe. Really a great and thought-provoking story.
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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Hey Bob,
This story certainly had a kick to it. I found it to be very raw and compelling. Those two certainly had it coming to them. At the same time, it's hard for me to completely, morally justify Duddles' actions, but they are certainly understandable, and if I had been on a jury if he'd come to trial, I wouldn't have had the heart to convict him for murder. I found the fact that the two would be moochers became pig food to be a pretty delicious irony. This story was hard to get out of my mind after reading it. It reminded me a bit of how I felt after seeing the movie, No Country For Old Men. Not a lot of optimism here, but at least in your story, the good guy came out on top. Good, I think, is relatively speaking in this case. Those two didn't know they were dealing with someone with so much grit and darkness to him I don't believe. Really a great and thought-provoking story.
Comment Written 13-May-2009
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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Wow! Coming from you, I am indeed honred, Gauntlet. And thanks so much for the great six! I will be watching for your work again, as usual...Thanks again, Bob
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Wow! Coming from you, I am indeed honred, Gauntlet. And thanks so much for the great six! I will be watching for your work again, as usual...Thanks again, Bob
Comment from pixiemillie
Anyone chosing the name Duddles as a main character deserves an excellent for this post- -Duddles Custer- -has a perfect ring to it.
Para 1 : for structure should read: had allowed for only one
Para 2: Very descriptive words for the sunset- -love "leaking bolts of sunlight"
Para 3: more creative descriptions "a large front yard with a dying oak anchoring it" for example
Para 4: intrigue begins to set in
Para 9: having grown up in the country I can relate to that smell, pig is the worst
Para 10: I'm thinking that during the conversation in the car we might learn the names of these two- -Para 11 starts with He and I was a little confused about who 'he' was until it became clear with more excellent descriptive words
Ah, his name is Clarence and a nephew of Duddles with Duddles not fond of the lazy-assed mooch. And. . .how dare he and the gal show up when Jeopardy is on- -that takes real nerve.
And Duddles has a dog named Luther- -great name for a dog.
These two are considering something evil or perhaps worse.
Love this paragraph-- Makes you want to give ole' Duddles a hug- -more fine descriptive words:
"A hard-working farmer, Duddles' fingernails were long, thick and filthy, but it didn't matter to him. He wore soiled gray pants and an equally dirty long john shirt. With a bald scalp freckled by the sun and scarred by misjudgments, his skin was the color and texture of the rind on a smoked ham. Gray hair grew out of his nose and ears. His shoulders and upper chest were braided with knots of veins and muscles. He was seventy-six, but by no means ready for Tom Bakeman's Funeral Home. "
The paragraph describing Duddle's home is perfect for this fellow. He lives alone, tends his animals and at his age, after that is done no time for much else- -it's his home and I'm sure just the way he likes it.
The rest of the read flows very well and holds the interest. I was fearing they would beat or kill Duddles.
The no-good nephew and his hussy girlfried had no idea , nor did Duddles how this would end. The punch that Shelly landed marked the beginning of the end for the two- -I was hoping this is how it would end. Duddles has two bodies but never mind, he has pigs.
Thank you so much for this interesting read. I usually don't read the stories and this was pretty long, but it read quickly as one could sense that something terrible might happen.
Aside from what I mentioned about a slight change in paragraph one, I found nothing in this read to criticize.
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Anyone chosing the name Duddles as a main character deserves an excellent for this post- -Duddles Custer- -has a perfect ring to it.
Para 1 : for structure should read: had allowed for only one
Para 2: Very descriptive words for the sunset- -love "leaking bolts of sunlight"
Para 3: more creative descriptions "a large front yard with a dying oak anchoring it" for example
Para 4: intrigue begins to set in
Para 9: having grown up in the country I can relate to that smell, pig is the worst
Para 10: I'm thinking that during the conversation in the car we might learn the names of these two- -Para 11 starts with He and I was a little confused about who 'he' was until it became clear with more excellent descriptive words
Ah, his name is Clarence and a nephew of Duddles with Duddles not fond of the lazy-assed mooch. And. . .how dare he and the gal show up when Jeopardy is on- -that takes real nerve.
And Duddles has a dog named Luther- -great name for a dog.
These two are considering something evil or perhaps worse.
Love this paragraph-- Makes you want to give ole' Duddles a hug- -more fine descriptive words:
"A hard-working farmer, Duddles' fingernails were long, thick and filthy, but it didn't matter to him. He wore soiled gray pants and an equally dirty long john shirt. With a bald scalp freckled by the sun and scarred by misjudgments, his skin was the color and texture of the rind on a smoked ham. Gray hair grew out of his nose and ears. His shoulders and upper chest were braided with knots of veins and muscles. He was seventy-six, but by no means ready for Tom Bakeman's Funeral Home. "
The paragraph describing Duddle's home is perfect for this fellow. He lives alone, tends his animals and at his age, after that is done no time for much else- -it's his home and I'm sure just the way he likes it.
The rest of the read flows very well and holds the interest. I was fearing they would beat or kill Duddles.
The no-good nephew and his hussy girlfried had no idea , nor did Duddles how this would end. The punch that Shelly landed marked the beginning of the end for the two- -I was hoping this is how it would end. Duddles has two bodies but never mind, he has pigs.
Thank you so much for this interesting read. I usually don't read the stories and this was pretty long, but it read quickly as one could sense that something terrible might happen.
Aside from what I mentioned about a slight change in paragraph one, I found nothing in this read to criticize.
Comment Written 12-May-2009
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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How nice of you, Pixie....What an outstanding review...Thanks so much! Looking forward to reading your work, also...Bob (Mastery)
Comment from Erienne_97
Great story, I especially loved the ending. Those two certainly got what they deserved. One nit: close to the end of the story, the sentence - "You killed her. Goddammit, she's dead!" He jumped up and grabbed Duddles by the throat. "You stupid, stupid old fool. I ought to kill you! His hands squeezed tighter and tighter. - I believe a missing quotation mark is needed, after "I ought to kill you!"
Great writing & best wishes with the contest!
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Great story, I especially loved the ending. Those two certainly got what they deserved. One nit: close to the end of the story, the sentence - "You killed her. Goddammit, she's dead!" He jumped up and grabbed Duddles by the throat. "You stupid, stupid old fool. I ought to kill you! His hands squeezed tighter and tighter. - I believe a missing quotation mark is needed, after "I ought to kill you!"
Great writing & best wishes with the contest!
Comment Written 12-May-2009
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Thank you so much....How are things going down under? I certainly appreciate this review and the help, too..Always do.....Take care, Bob
Comment from Artasylum
I wonder if pigs eat human or if human tastes like chicken...hum...this is a thought i will probably never know...thanks for the adventure...love, di
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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I wonder if pigs eat human or if human tastes like chicken...hum...this is a thought i will probably never know...thanks for the adventure...love, di
Comment Written 12-May-2009
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Hi, Di...So how are things in sunny California? Hot? We are just enjoying spring back here in Michigan. Thanks so much for the wonderful review...Glad you liked it..I will keep an eye out for your work, also...Bob (Mastery)
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it is sunny by the beach and i'm enjoying the moment...yours, diana
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:) Bob
Comment from joan marie
Wow, of course, the reference to the pigs was good. I understand they will eat anything if hungry. Great story had me spellbound, joan marie
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Wow, of course, the reference to the pigs was good. I understand they will eat anything if hungry. Great story had me spellbound, joan marie
Comment Written 12-May-2009
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Thanks so much, Joan...I truly appreciate your taking the time and the nice review...Bob (Mastery)
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I kept thinking of Hannibel Lecter in the last movie they feed that man to the hogs. Horror movie nut. jm
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LOL...LOL...Didn't think of that...Wasn't Ray Lotta withoout the top of his head, too? LOL..Thanks...You may enjoy "Fire and Ice" in my port from a few years ago, also "The Interview" Take care, Bob
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Yes, that was the movie. My latest shorts are The Lake Diner and Release of Burden. Will check yours out. All I could see was your character dragging them to the sty and laughing as those pigs went at it. jm
Comment from Soulester
Hi, Mastery! Your description of characters and setting are awesome! Your twist at the end?--Hitchcock! There are so many well-written parts, I won't even attempt to start listing them. Wow! Suggestion: I think you typed "Clarence" when referring to Duddles in the line: Clarence (Duddles)suddenly sat upright in bed.
This story is a true six. Congratulations on a job well done. Mary
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Hi, Mastery! Your description of characters and setting are awesome! Your twist at the end?--Hitchcock! There are so many well-written parts, I won't even attempt to start listing them. Wow! Suggestion: I think you typed "Clarence" when referring to Duddles in the line: Clarence (Duddles)suddenly sat upright in bed.
This story is a true six. Congratulations on a job well done. Mary
Comment Written 12-May-2009
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Thanks so very much, Soulester! Wow! I am humbled, especially that you would use one of your sixes on my work..I look forward to seeing your work from now on, also. Good Luck, Bob (Mastery) PS...I have two brothers that live in Virginai...One in Manassas and one in St. Petersburgh area.
