Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Linda's Escape"Some bloodlines run very deep.
19 total reviews
Comment from jlsavell
Nightwriter, that's right bite..uhhh....once again excellent chapter. It just keeps getting better. The rise of pure evil against dark goodness..ewwww delicious..I am under this spell my friend..jimi
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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Nightwriter, that's right bite..uhhh....once again excellent chapter. It just keeps getting better. The rise of pure evil against dark goodness..ewwww delicious..I am under this spell my friend..jimi
Comment Written 21-May-2009
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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Thank you thank you thank you Jimi for such a wonderful and encouraging review!!! :) I'm so glad the magic is working for you.
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hey I am human and I am in love with Stan!!! He can bite my neck anytime..gives me shivers just thinking about it!!!!!! lol!
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Wow, such a wonderful compliment! :) You made my day! I'll forward your comments on to Stan. He's currently out of town on business, I believe Romania, but I'm she he would be pleased to read what you so nicely wrote. :)
Thanks again!
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is he out searching for Fata?..I will give him an address..
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Fata, ah, Fata. That one could take him down faster than ten Linda's. How could he resist? Her crimson liquor would have him doing cartwheels into the sunrise until the burning sun broke him from her powerful spell of beauty and charm. Fata, one so skilled, so pure and so knowing. It would make an interesting encounter though. :)
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you are so funny!!!!! Well I am flattered you think of Fata so highly....perhaps wshe will have top pay Stan a visit...invite him to dance..perhaps the pasa doble'
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That would be awesome! :)
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well I will just have to work on it...with your permission of course..
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And that you have without conditions! :) Have fun! Stan will be reading.
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yes I do think it is about time Fata appears again since she burned Dracula's Castle to the ground...lol...you know how I love a good story..maybe Stan is in Romania to salvage this old legendary trademark for another hotel...heh??
Comment from nora arjuna
Hello Steve. Another nice chapter. Enjoyed the read, but I'm feeling quite picky today. Check these:
"Yes[,] sir."
like his feet were somehow anchored to it[,] he replied,
All bark no bite[.]" Stan laughed.
"Oh, my, God! Stan!" Chuck came over and joined Lori.
"What's going on?"
-OK, two things here. Did you mean - 'Oh, my (pause, then) God!' or 'Oh, my God!'
-another thing, who said that? it looks like Chuck and not Lori. We are in Stan's POV here. So he couldn't possibly know Chuck 'came over and join Lori', could he? Try:
Stan picked up his cell phone and called Lori. "Hi, love."
"Oh, my God! Stan!" Lori cried at the other end (just suggesion)
"What's going on?"
You can also remove some of the tags (he/she said) and avoid starting a sentence with a gerund too often. See these:
Placing her hand on his shoulder, Lori said, "You should go up to her lab, honey."
-'his shoulder' isn't clear here, as Chuck was there too. Try:
-Lori placed her hand on Stan's shoulder. "You should go up to her lab, honey."
Looking at Lori and Chuck, he replied, "I was thinking about it.
-Stan looked at them both. "I was thinking about it.
"Whew! This is bad." Lori said, holding her nose.
-Lori held her nose. "Whew! This is bad."
"Plenty." Turning to Chuck, Stan said, "We need to fumigate
"Plenty." Stan turned to Chuck. "We need to fumigate
"You really don't know[,] do you?
Click[.]
I hope those suggestions help. :)
reply by the author on 16-May-2009
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Hello Steve. Another nice chapter. Enjoyed the read, but I'm feeling quite picky today. Check these:
"Yes[,] sir."
like his feet were somehow anchored to it[,] he replied,
All bark no bite[.]" Stan laughed.
"Oh, my, God! Stan!" Chuck came over and joined Lori.
"What's going on?"
-OK, two things here. Did you mean - 'Oh, my (pause, then) God!' or 'Oh, my God!'
-another thing, who said that? it looks like Chuck and not Lori. We are in Stan's POV here. So he couldn't possibly know Chuck 'came over and join Lori', could he? Try:
Stan picked up his cell phone and called Lori. "Hi, love."
"Oh, my God! Stan!" Lori cried at the other end (just suggesion)
"What's going on?"
You can also remove some of the tags (he/she said) and avoid starting a sentence with a gerund too often. See these:
Placing her hand on his shoulder, Lori said, "You should go up to her lab, honey."
-'his shoulder' isn't clear here, as Chuck was there too. Try:
-Lori placed her hand on Stan's shoulder. "You should go up to her lab, honey."
Looking at Lori and Chuck, he replied, "I was thinking about it.
-Stan looked at them both. "I was thinking about it.
"Whew! This is bad." Lori said, holding her nose.
-Lori held her nose. "Whew! This is bad."
"Plenty." Turning to Chuck, Stan said, "We need to fumigate
"Plenty." Stan turned to Chuck. "We need to fumigate
"You really don't know[,] do you?
Click[.]
I hope those suggestions help. :)
Comment Written 16-May-2009
reply by the author on 16-May-2009
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I love all of your suggestions. Excellent catches! I will fix them ASAP. Thank you for your wonderful review and for helping me clean this chapter up. :)
Comment from Vladilynn
Another beautiful chaPTER to share with your readers and followers...very amazing with dialogs and scenes!
Thank you for sharing
Love much,
Lynn ( ^ _______ ^ )
reply by the author on 14-May-2009
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Another beautiful chaPTER to share with your readers and followers...very amazing with dialogs and scenes!
Thank you for sharing
Love much,
Lynn ( ^ _______ ^ )
Comment Written 14-May-2009
reply by the author on 14-May-2009
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Thanks again Lynn!!! :)
Comment from Jonez08
Hi, Steve an excellent chapter with a sexy end. I liked the flow and descriptives in this one. I can't wait to see how they are going to catch linda and rescue Brook. Good job
Stan entered the cockpit and placed his hands on both pilot's shoulders. "How (are) we doing?"
He kissed and licked her neck while searching for a place to plant his fangs.
(boy these two are insatiable..lol)
Why, one day I might even be able to take you on after a few more gallons of this (potent crimson liquor).
(I love this descriptive)
Click
(to make more dramatic, I suggest an exclamation mark and italics)
Cassandra
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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Hi, Steve an excellent chapter with a sexy end. I liked the flow and descriptives in this one. I can't wait to see how they are going to catch linda and rescue Brook. Good job
Stan entered the cockpit and placed his hands on both pilot's shoulders. "How (are) we doing?"
He kissed and licked her neck while searching for a place to plant his fangs.
(boy these two are insatiable..lol)
Why, one day I might even be able to take you on after a few more gallons of this (potent crimson liquor).
(I love this descriptive)
Click
(to make more dramatic, I suggest an exclamation mark and italics)
Cassandra
Comment Written 13-May-2009
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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Thanks Cassandra! Good suggestions as always. :)
Comment from babylonia
so then lori can be sick. LOL ugh~ well, now the plot definitely thickens. it seems obvious to me what was feeding stan but i guess not to linda, oh well. made me smile. she at least called him.
easy to read and follow. a couple of spaggies.
(beginning quote) Oh, shit! Where can I meet you?"
You really don't know (comma) do you?
i am also not sure about the line ... Daylight came too quickly. so does that line but i am not sure how to fix other than giving some sort of intro like ... they notice the grayish black sky taking on hint of rose tint. anyway ...
great job.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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so then lori can be sick. LOL ugh~ well, now the plot definitely thickens. it seems obvious to me what was feeding stan but i guess not to linda, oh well. made me smile. she at least called him.
easy to read and follow. a couple of spaggies.
(beginning quote) Oh, shit! Where can I meet you?"
You really don't know (comma) do you?
i am also not sure about the line ... Daylight came too quickly. so does that line but i am not sure how to fix other than giving some sort of intro like ... they notice the grayish black sky taking on hint of rose tint. anyway ...
great job.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 13-May-2009
reply by the author on 13-May-2009
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Thanks so much Barbara! I'll take a look. :)
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you are welcome~
love,
barbara
Comment from K-Patrick
Perfect. I like the landing. It covered the pilot's worst nightmare perfectly, even with the engine catching fire. - I would have liked Stan to be more calming. (Easy boys, you're doing great type conversation - more emotion on their part.)
attacked and killed by an unknown animal. -- Lori is familiar with the 'concept' of vampires and maybe she would hint that it may be something Stan is familiar with?
"Well, all her research papers are missing. Her microscope and most of her clothing are also missing. I think she was either kidnapped or she left on her own, but neither makes any sense. It also looks like there was some kind of struggle in there." -- Stan must be thinking of some cause - he knows it is not an animal. First the godfather tries to kill/kidnap him and now Linda's lab? Stan must be running all this through his mind.
CLICK - All these thoughts must be weighing heavily on Stan and just maybe, he has a momentary lapse of self control and throws the phone through the wall and screams about Linda manipulating nature or something.
Well written. As you can see I couldn't offer much to really make the story too much better. It is Great as is. Just my thoughts leaking a bit.
Prefect dialogue and wonderful description. Good write. K-P
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Perfect. I like the landing. It covered the pilot's worst nightmare perfectly, even with the engine catching fire. - I would have liked Stan to be more calming. (Easy boys, you're doing great type conversation - more emotion on their part.)
attacked and killed by an unknown animal. -- Lori is familiar with the 'concept' of vampires and maybe she would hint that it may be something Stan is familiar with?
"Well, all her research papers are missing. Her microscope and most of her clothing are also missing. I think she was either kidnapped or she left on her own, but neither makes any sense. It also looks like there was some kind of struggle in there." -- Stan must be thinking of some cause - he knows it is not an animal. First the godfather tries to kill/kidnap him and now Linda's lab? Stan must be running all this through his mind.
CLICK - All these thoughts must be weighing heavily on Stan and just maybe, he has a momentary lapse of self control and throws the phone through the wall and screams about Linda manipulating nature or something.
Well written. As you can see I couldn't offer much to really make the story too much better. It is Great as is. Just my thoughts leaking a bit.
Prefect dialogue and wonderful description. Good write. K-P
Comment Written 12-May-2009
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Thank you so much K-P. Excellent ideas here you offer. I like them enough to use. :) Thanks!
Comment from bc1yax
Wow what a excellent chapter - I normaly do not like Vampire type stories - you have me hooked on this one - the storyline and dialogue are just outstanding the ease of reading this and the characters they are so alive - I need to get my cross so I can sleep tonight - no sprag - keep then coming - bc1yax
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Wow what a excellent chapter - I normaly do not like Vampire type stories - you have me hooked on this one - the storyline and dialogue are just outstanding the ease of reading this and the characters they are so alive - I need to get my cross so I can sleep tonight - no sprag - keep then coming - bc1yax
Comment Written 12-May-2009
reply by the author on 12-May-2009
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Thank you so much for such a wonderful and encouraging review! You made my day. :)
Comment from Starcruiser
Always a pleasure to read! The suspense is really starting to build now - can't wait for the next chapter. It looks like too much of anything can backfire (even too much human blood LOL)! KG
reply by the author on 11-May-2009
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Always a pleasure to read! The suspense is really starting to build now - can't wait for the next chapter. It looks like too much of anything can backfire (even too much human blood LOL)! KG
Comment Written 11-May-2009
reply by the author on 11-May-2009
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Thank yo so much, Starcruiser! What you say is so true, LOL.
Comment from anabelle
Vampires and werewolves are some of my favorite subjects to read about and watch on the screen, and you've done a really good job here.
Your dialogue is amazing. You're great at using it to move the plot - not necessarily easy.
Good writing. Good story. I haven't read the first 17 chapters yet, but I'll look forward to it.
reply by the author on 11-May-2009
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Vampires and werewolves are some of my favorite subjects to read about and watch on the screen, and you've done a really good job here.
Your dialogue is amazing. You're great at using it to move the plot - not necessarily easy.
Good writing. Good story. I haven't read the first 17 chapters yet, but I'll look forward to it.
Comment Written 10-May-2009
reply by the author on 11-May-2009
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Thank yo so much, Anabelle for this wonderful and encouraging review!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello NightWriter
Talk about action, your chapter is packed with it.
Linda, is realty getting to be heep of trouble for Stan.
Your whole chpter to me had a great continuous pace and certainly nothing boring about it.
Gert
reply by the author on 11-May-2009
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Hello NightWriter
Talk about action, your chapter is packed with it.
Linda, is realty getting to be heep of trouble for Stan.
Your whole chpter to me had a great continuous pace and certainly nothing boring about it.
Gert
Comment Written 10-May-2009
reply by the author on 11-May-2009
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Than you so much, Gert! Linda's sure going to be a handful, LOL.
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Hi NightWriter,
Linda is more then a handful at the present , how much worst can she get?
Gert
