The Twilight of Romance
It's the eyes and ears.9 total reviews
Comment from nora arjuna
hello Mike. I was grinning reading this humorous but charming piece. somehow it reminded me of the time when my father was still alive. great write.
reply by the author on 10-May-2009
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hello Mike. I was grinning reading this humorous but charming piece. somehow it reminded me of the time when my father was still alive. great write.
Comment Written 10-May-2009
reply by the author on 10-May-2009
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That is great to hear in a review. I wanted that sense that love continues, but changess, yet still has it humor. I thank you very much for the review and the compliments. Mike
Comment from Kingsland
I really enjoyed reading this story telling in well written poetic verve. This had very good imagery and flow contained it its phrases. I found nothing in the way to suggest for it.This was just a delight to have written a review for it... John
reply by the author on 09-May-2009
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I really enjoyed reading this story telling in well written poetic verve. This had very good imagery and flow contained it its phrases. I found nothing in the way to suggest for it.This was just a delight to have written a review for it... John
Comment Written 09-May-2009
reply by the author on 09-May-2009
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I thank you very much for your compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hello Mike! Parts of your poem are very funny and real. And some parts I don't know if I interpreted it correctly, but I like the idea of love among the oldsters very much and the comic side of their minds.
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 09-May-2009
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Hello Mike! Parts of your poem are very funny and real. And some parts I don't know if I interpreted it correctly, but I like the idea of love among the oldsters very much and the comic side of their minds.
Indy :>)
Comment Written 08-May-2009
reply by the author on 09-May-2009
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Really, the comedic side was for us to see. I presented the an as a realist, just with his own unique interpertation of love as best he can. I used my self in modeling him. LOL
I thank you very much for the compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from VICTIMEYES
It's amazing being 80 and married,
celebrating our 50th year
after reading this poem i have concluded it will be so amazing if these things are done at the age of 80.
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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It's amazing being 80 and married,
celebrating our 50th year
after reading this poem i have concluded it will be so amazing if these things are done at the age of 80.
Comment Written 08-May-2009
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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It does happen, my sister drew blood at nursing homes 4:00am in the morning and saw a lot. I wanted to make that the odd day out though, more like a rediscovery.
I just updated my notes as people had trouble with this poem. Many didn't pick up the AB AB element. Not in the rhyme, but in the perception.
I thank you very much for the compliments and this review as I appreciated it. Mike
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wow, i dont think, i hope not at the age of 80 to be seeing that, wow.
Comment from Judian James
Sorry Mike. You lost me with this one. I thought it was going to charmingly romantic and then suddenly you've got a toilet verse, and I didn't get the coffee maker verse either. I wanted you to know I did read and review it.
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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Sorry Mike. You lost me with this one. I thought it was going to charmingly romantic and then suddenly you've got a toilet verse, and I didn't get the coffee maker verse either. I wanted you to know I did read and review it.
Comment Written 08-May-2009
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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The key to the humor is in the second part of the stanza and sort of a declining mental condition. He missread and did eat prunes, she poked at him, to point out he was actually like Simon Cowwell. He had that rare moment of love, which in his frame of mind lasted all week, the wife more or less indicate the reality.
There is a book called, "The Man Who Mistaked His Wife For A Hat, and other clinical tales. In my own life with my severely brain damaged mother, our family had found its quirks. My father liked including my mother after her cardiac arrest in any thing that had a sembelence of ordinary life, however slowly he has to stop as he was getting something from the shelf and was interupted with the crying plea of, "Lady! What are you doing?" Dad was shocked as mom was stuffing an elderly man into the stores freezer. To mom she was doing a good thing, as she insisted that she was putting ice cream away. Who know why? In our last ditch effort at our expence it took a doctor with dual disaplines, neurology and psychiacty to determine what was going one. She had a visual form of anasia. Her senses were working fine, but the area in the brain that learns and differenciate objects was damaged. To mom that poor man was a container of ice cream and she processed what to do with the stimulas, "Put back the ice cream that some jerk left out. Which was usually me when she was well."
This poem cam about as, after last year, I wondered when I would find a relationship. I figure that I wilol be very old, then I wondered what it would be like. I must have hit my funny bone. I did want to make it somewhat realistic as the wife got made, born out of frustration.
To be honest, with elderly people, I have seen such things and that is why I do my best to be patient with them. I found what works is to rephrase or use a different stimulas for communication. Most people would walk away.
I appreciate you at least looking at this one.
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I still don't get the coffee pot bit at the end.
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It goes with the note that was on the coffee table, the wife was angry. It's OK, don't worry about this one. I might rewrite it a bit later.
Comment from adewpearl
This is a different poem for you - it's pretty funny - a story of a frisky wife after 50 years of marriage and 80 years of life - you had me laughing. Brooke
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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This is a different poem for you - it's pretty funny - a story of a frisky wife after 50 years of marriage and 80 years of life - you had me laughing. Brooke
Comment Written 08-May-2009
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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I have explain my inspiration with other reviews. I was thinking about being very elderly and finially having a relationship at an elderly age and how it would be interesting and frustrating for the poor woman as one's mental state combine. There is a Mr. Magoo element to this one. Though I haven't written many poems, they are working themselves in my mind and I wanted a poetic break to it all.
Thank you for this review, Mike
Comment from LairDog5
This reminded me of a joke I heard once about two old people making love on an electric fence. The whole premise of this poem is funny to me. She certainly liked leaving notes around! And the poor coffee maker. She must have been upset with the effects of caffeine. I love the third stanza. I couldn't help but think of Mad Dog 20/20 perhaps the cheapest(and worst)of the cheap! Thanks for the laugh!
Lary
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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This reminded me of a joke I heard once about two old people making love on an electric fence. The whole premise of this poem is funny to me. She certainly liked leaving notes around! And the poor coffee maker. She must have been upset with the effects of caffeine. I love the third stanza. I couldn't help but think of Mad Dog 20/20 perhaps the cheapest(and worst)of the cheap! Thanks for the laugh!
Lary
Comment Written 08-May-2009
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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Mad Dog, that plus a bottle lead to a discovery of police cars and an amublance in front of me home. The step daughter wasn't supposed to the there, not her girlfrined who drank 3/5 of the mad and 2/3 of the Eand J. What was crazier was, my step dragged her friend out and then called 911 so the police couldn't tell me what was going on. The next week was to be the seperation and I was able to change the locks.
I liked the electric fence comment as well. When I was in scouts, we were clearing the fence line as a project to help the owner of the farm we camped on. Two scouts started to saw and all of a sudden, they sort of vibrated and let go. We didn't laugh until we told them to stop sawing. They said that they had it and tried again.
This poem was born from sarcastic tought, as it had been a bad year and women pretty showed me the worst, one ate dinner with me the year before and had an absolute panic attack, a neighbor would rather go back to a man that abused her and another sent me, in leiw of a Christmas card, an Email with a dating policy, "I really don't date these days, because I don't really get much out of it, but I don't date neighbors as it is too much like dating a friend or coworker..." Plus a general dissmissiveness and avoidance in such a way,it must have come upon the wind.
I thought by the time I find a woman, I'll be 80. Then I saw my container of sunsweet prunes and was able to imagine the scenes. I sort of based the characters after an elderly couple next door, the man who always thought his wife was saying these loving things. She loved him, but was poking at his flaws as a husband. They had the Milk of Magnesia in the middle of the table and it did remind me of the MD 20/20.
I thank you very much for this review. MIke
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Comment from Purple Dragon
This peice rhymes really well- I think the line'that's funny?' makes this poem all the more powerful. Just becareful to keep a consistent meter in the last stanza. Oh, and the third to last. I know you are setting it up to make the lone statement more powerful, but it breaks the rhythm established in the beginning. Hope this helps.
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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This peice rhymes really well- I think the line'that's funny?' makes this poem all the more powerful. Just becareful to keep a consistent meter in the last stanza. Oh, and the third to last. I know you are setting it up to make the lone statement more powerful, but it breaks the rhythm established in the beginning. Hope this helps.
Comment Written 08-May-2009
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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Remember that I didn't assign a style to this. I do mainly freestyle with rhyme and meter within the stanzas. I do evalute to see how a break in the meter effects the poem. Thank you for reviewing this one. Mike
Comment from ibex
Okay, it's funny. In fact it is hilarious. Well done. Well thought out and well executed. The closing stanza creeps up like a malicious cat looking for the canary. Just like the reader of this poem, the poor bird didn't see it coming. The double play on "rears" is also somewhat priceless.
Excellent use of poetry in the spirit of comedy.
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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Okay, it's funny. In fact it is hilarious. Well done. Well thought out and well executed. The closing stanza creeps up like a malicious cat looking for the canary. Just like the reader of this poem, the poor bird didn't see it coming. The double play on "rears" is also somewhat priceless.
Excellent use of poetry in the spirit of comedy.
Comment Written 08-May-2009
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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I enjoy this review and thank you for it very much and thank you very much. Mike
