Ralph
Everyone has a destiny.49 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Awe, Bandit is a cutie and Ralph's a true hero.
Smiles.
This is adorable and well written. Very true to doggie thinking.
Enjoyed.
No spags or nits except I would probably reword this line
I've asked him a hundred times to please knock first. Well, so did Ralph yesterday!
I've asked him a hundred times to please knock first. Well,yesterday, so did Ralph!
Warm Regards,
rama devi
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
  |
Awe, Bandit is a cutie and Ralph's a true hero.
Smiles.
This is adorable and well written. Very true to doggie thinking.
Enjoyed.
No spags or nits except I would probably reword this line
I've asked him a hundred times to please knock first. Well, so did Ralph yesterday!
I've asked him a hundred times to please knock first. Well,yesterday, so did Ralph!
Warm Regards,
rama devi
Comment Written 02-May-2009
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
-
You are so right on that sentence and I'll change it immediately. Appreciate your time and helpful suggestion. ann.
Comment from KDsantiago
Dear annmuma:
Great story. I liked how you added the dog's point of view. I think that will really resonate with children. Your story also presents a heartbreaking decision - having to give up a beloved pet, another point certain to tug on young hearts. Good job.
KDsantiago
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
|
Dear annmuma:
Great story. I liked how you added the dog's point of view. I think that will really resonate with children. Your story also presents a heartbreaking decision - having to give up a beloved pet, another point certain to tug on young hearts. Good job.
KDsantiago
Comment Written 02-May-2009
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
-
Thanks so much for reading and commenting. ann
Comment from jshep
This is marvelous, Ann. Flawlessly written and totally loved hearing Ralph's thoughts. You had me hook, line and sinker all the way to 'is' is better than 'was.' I think this is a story both children and adults would adore. Can even see it illustrated with Ralph's thoughts in a cloud written above his head. this is a story with so much HEART. Fantastic and exceptional presentation. Joyce
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
 |
This is marvelous, Ann. Flawlessly written and totally loved hearing Ralph's thoughts. You had me hook, line and sinker all the way to 'is' is better than 'was.' I think this is a story both children and adults would adore. Can even see it illustrated with Ralph's thoughts in a cloud written above his head. this is a story with so much HEART. Fantastic and exceptional presentation. Joyce
Comment Written 02-May-2009
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
-
thanks -- a thousand thanks! I love sixers and they become more special and valuable when awarded by an author whose work I admire. I appreciate your reading and commenting and, most of all, your support. So glad the story resonated with you. ann
Comment from jimbo2608
Great job Annmuma, I loved the way you have introduced humour into your statements within the story line.
All the best wishes with your entry.
jimbo2608
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
|
Great job Annmuma, I loved the way you have introduced humour into your statements within the story line.
All the best wishes with your entry.
jimbo2608
Comment Written 02-May-2009
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
-
Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I appreciate your time and generous review. ann
Comment from Helen Tan
nearly imperceptible
Billy procrastinated
I read your author's notes and understand you are writing for 8 to 10 years old. I'm not sure whether "imperceptible" and "procrastinate" would be in an 8 years old child's vocabulary.
Other than this point, I think the theme of the story is age appropriate. Children stories always have a happy ending so your ending was also right. The dog's insight indicated in italic is a good format.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
|
nearly imperceptible
Billy procrastinated
I read your author's notes and understand you are writing for 8 to 10 years old. I'm not sure whether "imperceptible" and "procrastinate" would be in an 8 years old child's vocabulary.
Other than this point, I think the theme of the story is age appropriate. Children stories always have a happy ending so your ending was also right. The dog's insight indicated in italic is a good format.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-May-2009
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
-
Thanks so much. You may be right about those couple of words, but I'm inclined to think a little vocabulary challenge might be good. I heard my 6 year old granddaughter talking about the star fish's predators a couple of days ago and couldn't believe predators fell into a kindergarten kid's vocab.
I will take your suggestion under consideration and maybe run the story by Savannah to get her reaction. ann
Comment from Tricia
This is a great story. I don't know that I'd call it a children's story. I'd call it a story for all ages. Nearly everyone loves animal stories and I'm glad Ralph got to stay and be an inside dog.
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
|
This is a great story. I don't know that I'd call it a children's story. I'd call it a story for all ages. Nearly everyone loves animal stories and I'm glad Ralph got to stay and be an inside dog.
Comment Written 01-May-2009
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
-
Thanks so much. I appreciate your time in readig and commenting. ann
Comment from apelle
I thought this was an excellent take on the prompt. The story is very well written and it kept me engaged to the end. I have no idea if this is children material but i enjoyed it. This of course raises the question of vis a vis my own maturity but that's another issue :)
I thought about entering the contest myself but i changed my mind the last second,
Very well done :)
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
|
I thought this was an excellent take on the prompt. The story is very well written and it kept me engaged to the end. I have no idea if this is children material but i enjoyed it. This of course raises the question of vis a vis my own maturity but that's another issue :)
I thought about entering the contest myself but i changed my mind the last second,
Very well done :)
Comment Written 01-May-2009
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
-
You made me laugh! Thanks. Please do enter the contest. The more the merrier. thanks so much for reading and commenting. ann
Comment from patwannabe
Ann, I think you qualify. Yes, children's stories are difficult. YOu have to continually keep the age vocabulary in front of you. When I typed "King Tutt-Tutt Rides Again" into my post I had to change the word "electrician" to "wizard", and in "The King of All", I had to change the word "physician" for "doctor". I can't imagine what I was thinking. I guess I wasn't thinking. I did catch it tho', and changed it. Anyhow, your story is wonderful. Good ol' Ralph! I knew he could do it :-) pat
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
|
Ann, I think you qualify. Yes, children's stories are difficult. YOu have to continually keep the age vocabulary in front of you. When I typed "King Tutt-Tutt Rides Again" into my post I had to change the word "electrician" to "wizard", and in "The King of All", I had to change the word "physician" for "doctor". I can't imagine what I was thinking. I guess I wasn't thinking. I did catch it tho', and changed it. Anyhow, your story is wonderful. Good ol' Ralph! I knew he could do it :-) pat
Comment Written 01-May-2009
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
-
Thanks so much. It is difficult to know what vocab fits best for kids of what ages. I've heard my 6 year-old granddaughter use words I thought were far beyond her years; but then I've had an 18 year-old ask me the definition of something everyday. So who knows. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. ann
Comment from Carol D Parker
You did an excelent job. I think the age span is right. It's an excellent story for a child. I enjoyd it myself. Your story-telling ability is perfect. I love the way you gave the dog a speaking part. At first I didn't know it was Ralph. I think you should make that a little clearer who's speaking. Otherwise it's really touching and I hope you win the contest and I hope you get this work published.
Delora
Delora
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
|
You did an excelent job. I think the age span is right. It's an excellent story for a child. I enjoyd it myself. Your story-telling ability is perfect. I love the way you gave the dog a speaking part. At first I didn't know it was Ralph. I think you should make that a little clearer who's speaking. Otherwise it's really touching and I hope you win the contest and I hope you get this work published.
Delora
Delora
Comment Written 01-May-2009
reply by the author on 02-May-2009
-
Thanks for that suggestion. I'll take another look at it to see how I can introduce Ralph's thougths a little clearer. I appreciate your reading and commenting. ann
Comment from Joan E.
You tell a sweet story, and maybe the moral is that a leopard doesn't change his spots, and perhaps that's a good thing! I liked your use of "inside-dog moments" and the italics for asides or dog thoughts. The meter man episode was quite funny.
reply by the author on 01-May-2009
|
You tell a sweet story, and maybe the moral is that a leopard doesn't change his spots, and perhaps that's a good thing! I liked your use of "inside-dog moments" and the italics for asides or dog thoughts. The meter man episode was quite funny.
Comment Written 01-May-2009
reply by the author on 01-May-2009
-
Thanks so much for reading and commenting. A leopard doesn't change his spots is another good moral. I appreciate your thoughts. ann
