Ralph
Everyone has a destiny.49 total reviews
Comment from nora arjuna
Ann, you shouldn't doubt anything you write. It's going to come out great and very entertaining. I enjoyed going into Ralph's head, and the picture's just perfect for the story.
All the best!
reply by the author on 04-May-2009
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Ann, you shouldn't doubt anything you write. It's going to come out great and very entertaining. I enjoyed going into Ralph's head, and the picture's just perfect for the story.
All the best!
Comment Written 04-May-2009
reply by the author on 04-May-2009
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Thanks so much for continued support and time in sharing it. ann
Comment from Writeaway...
Annmuma, this is a lovely children's story about a loveble friendly dog, many children I know would love to read this, excellent job and good luck on the contest.
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Annmuma, this is a lovely children's story about a loveble friendly dog, many children I know would love to read this, excellent job and good luck on the contest.
Comment Written 03-May-2009
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Thanks so very, very much for the 6 star rating. It means a lot to me to know you enjoyed my story. I also appreciate the contest wishes. The competition is always tough. ann
Comment from basic
hi
good luck in the contest
you have captured the contest rules and the moral
is quite clear. this is a very good children's
story and the ages 8-10 are about right.
love the picture of your dog even though I'm a
cat person.
good job
basic
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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hi
good luck in the contest
you have captured the contest rules and the moral
is quite clear. this is a very good children's
story and the ages 8-10 are about right.
love the picture of your dog even though I'm a
cat person.
good job
basic
Comment Written 03-May-2009
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I appreciate the generous review and support. ann
Comment from Treesaw
So cute! I enjoyed reading this and could picture the doggie so well. Liked reading his thoughts, too. This is cute enough to make into a picture book with vivid illustrations.
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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So cute! I enjoyed reading this and could picture the doggie so well. Liked reading his thoughts, too. This is cute enough to make into a picture book with vivid illustrations.
Comment Written 03-May-2009
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Well, thanks so much!! I really appreciate your kind words and time in sharing them. ann
Comment from Gaye Hemsley
I enjoyed your story, showed it very well, it was well spaced. I wanted to read on to see what happened. The only line I think need tiding up are: I've asked him a hundred times to please knock first. Well, yesterday, so did Ralph! With Ralph on his heels
Perhaps: Well yesterday Ralph was intend on scoring a piece of his trousers,etc. Very interesting how you have used speaking in the first person and third person. Yes children's stories are not so easy to write. Cheers Gaye
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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I enjoyed your story, showed it very well, it was well spaced. I wanted to read on to see what happened. The only line I think need tiding up are: I've asked him a hundred times to please knock first. Well, yesterday, so did Ralph! With Ralph on his heels
Perhaps: Well yesterday Ralph was intend on scoring a piece of his trousers,etc. Very interesting how you have used speaking in the first person and third person. Yes children's stories are not so easy to write. Cheers Gaye
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2009
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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So, did you deducte the star because of that one sentence? Not complaining, just curious. I appreciate your time in reading and commenting. ann
Comment from Terror2s
I'm surprised you haven't written one before. This was delightful. I thought you may have been a bit light on the child's reaction to having his dog removed, but it was written from the dog's POV so ut worked fine. Perfet happy ending too. Terror
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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I'm surprised you haven't written one before. This was delightful. I thought you may have been a bit light on the child's reaction to having his dog removed, but it was written from the dog's POV so ut worked fine. Perfet happy ending too. Terror
Comment Written 02-May-2009
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I also thought about enhancing Billy's reaction, but decided Ralph might not be as tuned into it as I would be. I appreciate the generous rating. ann
Comment from EllieKaye
Hi Ann,
This is really sweet. Ralph couldn't have staged it better!
You did present a valid moal to the story. One about following through with commitment (keeping the dog) and about second chances. : )
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Hi Ann,
This is really sweet. Ralph couldn't have staged it better!
You did present a valid moal to the story. One about following through with commitment (keeping the dog) and about second chances. : )
Comment Written 02-May-2009
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Thanks so much. I so appreciate your support in reading and commenting. I also like your moral -- commitment. I agree wholeheartedly! ann
Comment from elkay
Absolutely brilliant. Hovering on six star, but thought it finished a bit suddenly. Top shelf stuff nevertheless.
As usual, the piece is loaded with gems.
E.g.
(Sometimes he slept unnoticed in a corner or hid under a bed to extend those coveted inside-dog moments.)
I loved that sentence. May be slightly deep for 8 - 10's though.
And another:
(Like a Christmas Eve, sleep was hard to come by, but inevitable for a small boy.)
Beautifully put.
The whole thing flowed logicaly, built up some delicious anticipation (Poor Ralph), with a happy ending, allways a scorer with me.
Now, about the end, I thought that it appeared to taper off very quickly. Allmost as if you had used up your train of thought and just finished it off matter of factly.
Maybe there could be a bit of anxious wondering going on , by Billy and Ralph as to whether his new (Inside Dog) status , would have a desireable effect on the threat of his exile.
Overall, had my attention all along, and was up to your normal excellent standard. Suggest a slightly higher age group, but I'm no expert.
Great stuff, keep em coming.
regards
elkay
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Absolutely brilliant. Hovering on six star, but thought it finished a bit suddenly. Top shelf stuff nevertheless.
As usual, the piece is loaded with gems.
E.g.
(Sometimes he slept unnoticed in a corner or hid under a bed to extend those coveted inside-dog moments.)
I loved that sentence. May be slightly deep for 8 - 10's though.
And another:
(Like a Christmas Eve, sleep was hard to come by, but inevitable for a small boy.)
Beautifully put.
The whole thing flowed logicaly, built up some delicious anticipation (Poor Ralph), with a happy ending, allways a scorer with me.
Now, about the end, I thought that it appeared to taper off very quickly. Allmost as if you had used up your train of thought and just finished it off matter of factly.
Maybe there could be a bit of anxious wondering going on , by Billy and Ralph as to whether his new (Inside Dog) status , would have a desireable effect on the threat of his exile.
Overall, had my attention all along, and was up to your normal excellent standard. Suggest a slightly higher age group, but I'm no expert.
Great stuff, keep em coming.
regards
elkay
Comment Written 02-May-2009
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Thanks so much. You are probably right about that ending. I do sometimes have trouble with the endings of all my work. Someone once told me that I put a ton of energy in the the beginnings and then seem to run out of steam at the end. I'll take another look at this one. Thanks. ann
Comment from MaureenC
Annmuma, this is one of those stories that children (7 -9) will love and be totally involved in.
The description and dialogue is most believable.
Well written
Maureenc
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Annmuma, this is one of those stories that children (7 -9) will love and be totally involved in.
The description and dialogue is most believable.
Well written
Maureenc
Comment Written 02-May-2009
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Thanks so much! I appreciate your reading and commenting. ann
Comment from Rottie
It was a pretty good story. I am glad I didn't read it out loud to my three Rotties, they would not have liked the idea of a fellow puppy being sent away! This was a good childrens story. I wouldn't say there was really a moral here except maybe, things are never what they seem? Never judge a puppy by his teeth? Never judge a puppy by his growl? I could go on and on. I like it and I think you did a great job! VvvvV <----- Rottie Smile!
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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It was a pretty good story. I am glad I didn't read it out loud to my three Rotties, they would not have liked the idea of a fellow puppy being sent away! This was a good childrens story. I wouldn't say there was really a moral here except maybe, things are never what they seem? Never judge a puppy by his teeth? Never judge a puppy by his growl? I could go on and on. I like it and I think you did a great job! VvvvV <----- Rottie Smile!
Comment Written 02-May-2009
reply by the author on 03-May-2009
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Thanks so much AND I love the Rottie Smile! I'm hoping one of the morals might be: commitment - if you take a dog in, you owe a dog a life. Maybe, second chances. Or maybe no need to worry about tomorrow. Anyway, thanks so much for reading and commenting. ann
