Comment from Jonez08

Excellent

Steve awesome chapter and well written. The ending has left me on the edge of my seat.

This is Jimmy and his wife, Amanda(.)"

Jimmy and his wife stood (up) and turned around.
(not needed.)

We bugged your resort and learned more than we could have imagined."
(excuse me...this guy is brazen)

But(,) I can't allow you to set up business in Vegas

Oh my(,) God!

Cassandra

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2009

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2009

Thank you so much, Cassandra for your wonderful review. Your review tells me that I'm learning. I think the key is persistence and slowly things improve. :)

reply by Jonez08 on 05-Apr-2009

That's true for all of us!

C

Comment from stormwolf2

Excellent

This is the first chapter I have read of this story and I have enjoyed it immensely. I love the dialogue, especially when Stan was about to bite Amanda. The way you described everything, I could imagine being there. A great descriptive scene.

I will have to follow this one.
Well done!

Stormwolf2

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2009

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2009

Hi Stormwolf. Thank you for your wonderful review. I try to write a scene like that or similar once every chapter or two. Thanks again! :)

Comment from Tellis

Excellent

Okay way to go with the cliff hanger. I can hardly wait for the next chapter. I enjoyed reading this well written piece.

Tellis

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009

Thank you for such a wonderful review, Tellis. Have no fear, our Stan will be back in the next chapter, but someone didn't live to see another sunrise. :)

Comment from angel of the quill

Exceptional

okay
i am hoping this doesnt end it
and is he or isnt he dead
wow
what a wicked man
then again it goes with the title of him
wow
again
fabulous turn
and twist
wow
keep writing I am a definately hooked on fan

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009

Thank you so much for the awesome review!!! Our hero will be back in the next chapter. But someone didn't live to see another sunrise. :) Thank you for your continuous encouragement and support. It's such supportive people just like you that keep me writing and writing and writing. :)

reply by angel of the quill on 04-Apr-2009

tell you what
if one of us wins the lotto?
you publish some work
this is fabulous
i love vampire tales
read them all good bad and otherwise
but
this has got to be the best yet
BRAVO>>> author author.. and encore

reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009

Wow! Well, thank you again so much. You have certainly connected with a writer who likes writing about vampires here. It is my main course, in fact it is my only course, LOL.

I'm very visual in how stories come to me, which will be a big help when I try and write vampire themed screenplays for the movies (I hope). I can still struggle for the right word when trying to describe an emotion. Sometimes I can sit at the desk for thirty minutes trying to get a paragraph out right. Sometimes I throw it away and do it over too. Vampire stories deserve nothing but the best effort! Thank you again for your support and encouragement. :)

reply by angel of the quill on 04-Apr-2009

anytime you need inspiration
i will share what i can
my own heritage is the big
and bad
vt
who had a different real name btw
lol
so i read the lore like any of his children
i even have the.. yes you guess
fangs
my children have them too
they are dark haired and dark eyed
but my gather had blue black hair
and blue eyes
like Vlad
and on top he was thin and tall like Vlad
so i have the culture
and the love for his lands
i swear my only goal is to eventually go to the land
and walk in pomenari his own house
oddly it is a vision in me to do so
so we both connect
on it
i am glad your like this
but i must say with me i am rapid
i find my inspiration in a single word
adn it takes off
i have several off line stories on
vampires
that i share with dear friends
i don't count myself any sort of author
or good writer
that part i lack

reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009

They say to be a good writer, it all starts with being a good reader, so you are on your way. You just have to keep writing and practice. If you'd like to send me a vampire story, I'd love to read it and offer my feedback.

I see vampires in a more erotic sense. Superhuman, male or female and hunters. :)

reply by angel of the quill on 04-Apr-2009

correct a vampire in my studies and all
seem to be
not only stronger
but gifted
a word they use
to describe able to do within the soul what others wish
reading minds
sharing emotions
feeling the prey or the future mate
a lust that they crave but don't always fully understand

reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009

Well said. I couldn't agree more.

Comment from sandramarie

Excellent

I haven't read your previous chapter of this book, but this one is well-written. You might consider providing a summary to help some of us to understand what has gone on.

Take care,
Sandy

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009

Thank you so much, Sandy for your wonderful review. I'll look into writing that summary.

Comment from K-Patrick

Excellent

Well , well, and well. It just doesn't get much better than this. An awesome chapter, if ever I read one. I could find no flaw.

I do have one small request. Would it be possible to add some emotion to Vito when he tells Lori what Jimmy did. I wonder if Vito felt a little guilty, or mad, or even happy that Jimmy took out Stan. Right now they feel like just words. Even if he's in shock, give him that.

Thank you for a great chapter. K-P

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 Comment Written 04-Apr-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009

Thank you so much, K-P! Good suggestion and thank you. Here is what I changed that part to ...

â??Holy water? We have to stop Stan!â?? Lori gasped.

Looking down at his watch, then swallowing hard, Vito continued, â??Itâ??s too late, she already called Jimmy and told him the missionâ??s accomplished. Stan ingested her blood with the holy water and is already dead. Iâ??m so sorry. I didnâ??t know or I would have â?¦ stopped it.â??

Lori jumped up and screamed, â??NO!!!â?? She ran for the stairway, as tears flooded her eyes.

reply by K-Patrick on 05-Apr-2009

Thank you. I think it does a lot to bring more emotion into the overall scene and might give Lori (and Stan) an ally down the road.

I wait patiently to see how you pull this one off.

K-P :o)

Comment from klep

Good

This is very interesting. You have a lot of very good ideas here and the dialogue reads very good. I'm also a huge horror enthusiast and love reading about vampires. Keep it up!

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009

Thank you so much for your wonderful review, Klep. I'll do my best. :)