The Pit
Madness or justice ?41 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
Being a self-proclaimed "dog lover" and owning four of them (some of the best friends I've ever had in my life by the way), I was shaken as I read this because I know that dog fighting, in many societies including our own, is a very real and extremely horrible activity. The people who profit from such endeavors are, quite literally, the scum of the earth.
You built the tension in this brilliantly penned horror story with the expertise and craftsmanship of a true wordsmith, one that had been practicing her craft for quite some time. It shows in the exquisite yet ghastly details and the climatic ending. Ah yes...the ending. One of the most important, if not THE most, aspects of the good story, especially those in the horror/thriller genre.
As Johnny Depp's character Mort Rainey in Stephen Kings brilliant novella "SECRET WINDOW" said to the sheriff; "The ending is the most important part of the story. This one is very good. This one is perfect."
And your ending? Well, Mort said it best...
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Being a self-proclaimed "dog lover" and owning four of them (some of the best friends I've ever had in my life by the way), I was shaken as I read this because I know that dog fighting, in many societies including our own, is a very real and extremely horrible activity. The people who profit from such endeavors are, quite literally, the scum of the earth.
You built the tension in this brilliantly penned horror story with the expertise and craftsmanship of a true wordsmith, one that had been practicing her craft for quite some time. It shows in the exquisite yet ghastly details and the climatic ending. Ah yes...the ending. One of the most important, if not THE most, aspects of the good story, especially those in the horror/thriller genre.
As Johnny Depp's character Mort Rainey in Stephen Kings brilliant novella "SECRET WINDOW" said to the sheriff; "The ending is the most important part of the story. This one is very good. This one is perfect."
And your ending? Well, Mort said it best...
Comment Written 04-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read & review my story, The Pit. As a Stephen King fan, even having him mentioned in a review of my work brightens my day. So thank you!
Being involved in dog rescue since 2001 (when we lost our wolf-hybrid, Kimba), this story was written as both a statement about this horrific "sport" and as therapy. One of my major fears after our babysitter let Kimba escape was that she would be used either as a fighter or a bait dog. I don't know that this story did what is was supposed to do in that regard, but it did allow my nightmares to have some sort of closure.
Comment from MightyBilliam
Very well written. Excellent structure, and good character development. Dialogue was well thought out and the accent was very well conveyed.
In the second paragraph where it reads "nodding to the occasional women", I believe it should be "woman." Singular because you had written the instead of those. No big deal. In no way did it detract from the story. Excellent work.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Very well written. Excellent structure, and good character development. Dialogue was well thought out and the accent was very well conveyed.
In the second paragraph where it reads "nodding to the occasional women", I believe it should be "woman." Singular because you had written the instead of those. No big deal. In no way did it detract from the story. Excellent work.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read & review my story, The Pit. Sorry to have taken so long to reply - I've been away from FanStory since late last summer. I appreciate your comments and will take a quick peek at that 2nd paragraph.
Again, thanks for your review and have a great week - sherry
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
I hated what happened to Smoke. I often hate the cruelty of the human race. I am glad vengence was procured in this story; wish it would happen more so there would be less suffering. Pit bulls get a bad rap; though some behavior is innate; I have been around enough of these dogs to appreciate their loving gentle natures when cared for properly.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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I hated what happened to Smoke. I often hate the cruelty of the human race. I am glad vengence was procured in this story; wish it would happen more so there would be less suffering. Pit bulls get a bad rap; though some behavior is innate; I have been around enough of these dogs to appreciate their loving gentle natures when cared for properly.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Hi Carolyn - I am sorry it has taken me so long to thank you for your review of my story, The Pit. I have been away from FanStory since late last summer, but am back now. I have known some great pits, too, but also understand the reality of dog fighting and wanted to make people aware of the cruelty involved in this "sport". Seems like both pits and wolf hybrids get a bad rap, when it's the people who have raised them to be vicious that are the ones to blame.
Again - thanks for the review (and that 6th star!) - sherry
Comment from Veekz
Hi there,
I know this story was written a few years ago however this is the first time I have read and I can't help but comment on what a truly awesome story it is - I felt every emotion I think I have while readings this, sadness at the situation in general, anger because even though this story is made up it is a true telling of this evil 'sport' and people are out there participating in it, hope at one point because I thought Smoke was going to get out at one stage, pride at how Storm and her owner acted in the end - everything! I am sickened by even the thought of organized dog fights and you are so good to put it out there how you have so people can see it is not 'glamorous' in the least. Top top marks for both how it's written and the topic itself
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2010
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Hi there,
I know this story was written a few years ago however this is the first time I have read and I can't help but comment on what a truly awesome story it is - I felt every emotion I think I have while readings this, sadness at the situation in general, anger because even though this story is made up it is a true telling of this evil 'sport' and people are out there participating in it, hope at one point because I thought Smoke was going to get out at one stage, pride at how Storm and her owner acted in the end - everything! I am sickened by even the thought of organized dog fights and you are so good to put it out there how you have so people can see it is not 'glamorous' in the least. Top top marks for both how it's written and the topic itself
Comment Written 15-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2010
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Thank you - please see private message.
Sherry
Comment from RavenLee23
I really enjoyed this. Even if it brought a lot of disturbing images to mind. But then, I suppose that was the point. You can see the ending coming as soon as you realize that her viewing companion is actually a captive, but you don't mind since that's what you're hoping for by then.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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I really enjoyed this. Even if it brought a lot of disturbing images to mind. But then, I suppose that was the point. You can see the ending coming as soon as you realize that her viewing companion is actually a captive, but you don't mind since that's what you're hoping for by then.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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Hi RavenLee23 - Thanks so much for reading The Pit (way back in July)! I would have responded earlier, but have been off-site since shortly after you read the piece. Just "re-upped" my membership and wanted to let you know that I did read your review and appreciated the fact that you took time to read and critique ...
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from Tresa
Very much enjoyed this story. You captured the obsessive nature of the woman and her quest. The imagery was amazing. I thought though, given the intensity of the desire to seek revenge, she would have stayed to watch the mauling of the man at the end. Seems like a bit of a let down that she didn't. Also the following sentence struck me as a bit out of place,
Cassie looked at the man sitting there, trussed up like a holiday turkey.
All in all, a good read and deserving of your success with it.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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Very much enjoyed this story. You captured the obsessive nature of the woman and her quest. The imagery was amazing. I thought though, given the intensity of the desire to seek revenge, she would have stayed to watch the mauling of the man at the end. Seems like a bit of a let down that she didn't. Also the following sentence struck me as a bit out of place,
Cassie looked at the man sitting there, trussed up like a holiday turkey.
All in all, a good read and deserving of your success with it.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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Hi Tresa - thanks for reading my story, "The Pit" and taking the time to comment on it. Though revenge certainly played a huge part in Cassie's actions, her dog was gone and at that point her goal was to keep this man's cruelty from continuing and to make a point within the pitbull fighting community. Guess I should have made that clearer, but it is so hard when you (as a writer) know all of the background about what makes your character tick. I have a tendancy to forget that the reader doesn't KNOW the characters as well as I do. Sorry ...
glad you liked it - sherry
Comment from Winslow
Dear Sherrygreywolf,
You are an excellent writer and I enjoyed reading this. However, there is a lot of fantasy here, but I grant you it is a first class thriller. It is interesting, wolves seldom attack men, only one or two times have been recorded throughout history. But on the other hand dog/wolve combinations (they really aren't hybrids) have attacked their owners quite frequently.
Anyway, great write, I guess that is why their is fiction.
Happy New Year,
Winslow
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Dear Sherrygreywolf,
You are an excellent writer and I enjoyed reading this. However, there is a lot of fantasy here, but I grant you it is a first class thriller. It is interesting, wolves seldom attack men, only one or two times have been recorded throughout history. But on the other hand dog/wolve combinations (they really aren't hybrids) have attacked their owners quite frequently.
Anyway, great write, I guess that is why their is fiction.
Happy New Year,
Winslow
Comment Written 26-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Happy New Year to you, too, Winslow. Glad you enjoyed the read - sherry
Comment from Realist101
HI there, this is great. I love the ending, where the human gets what he deserves...and you did a good job with slang language. It sounds like that sort of person really speaks...we live in an area of well, "rednecks", who do this very thing, and in Orange County IN, a dog fighting ring finally got busted, after flourishing for YEARS, a lot of us knew certain officials were sort of looking the other way...but so goes small town America...anyway, an excellent story. Susan in Indiana
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2009
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HI there, this is great. I love the ending, where the human gets what he deserves...and you did a good job with slang language. It sounds like that sort of person really speaks...we live in an area of well, "rednecks", who do this very thing, and in Orange County IN, a dog fighting ring finally got busted, after flourishing for YEARS, a lot of us knew certain officials were sort of looking the other way...but so goes small town America...anyway, an excellent story. Susan in Indiana
Comment Written 29-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2009
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Afternoon, Susan - thanks for taking the time to read "The Pit". I, too, live in a slightly "redneck" area and unfortunately have had experience with some of the people who seem to love this type of "sport". We have been in rescue work since 2001 and have ended up with several dogs who were used to train these fighting animals. It is terribly sad ... I think it's a shame that more of the pit operators can't end up like the one in my story - but then I come from ol' fashioned "cedar chopper" stock myself ...
have a great week - sherry
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Hi Sherry, so good to hear I am not alone, so to speak. I hope this sort of thing is eradicated, but as long as so many look away, it will go on...poor dogs. Keep up your informative writing, it helps...Susan
Comment from flygirl254
Yikes! I just got this new puppy, and I'm a little obsessive over all the "babies" in this house. As a matter of fact, I'm described as a pitbull mommy when it comes to my children. But this chick really, really loved that dog, didn't she? The story flows so well that it took me right into what was happening. I love falling into that hole where the imagination can show the pictures in my mind that you, the writer, are sending me. Stephen King says writing is telepathy because you send the message, and I receive it. Your words are well selected to show me the action. And I do absolutely hate dog fighting and the cruelty associated with it. I can almost see why she snapped. Great job, I do like this.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2009
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Yikes! I just got this new puppy, and I'm a little obsessive over all the "babies" in this house. As a matter of fact, I'm described as a pitbull mommy when it comes to my children. But this chick really, really loved that dog, didn't she? The story flows so well that it took me right into what was happening. I love falling into that hole where the imagination can show the pictures in my mind that you, the writer, are sending me. Stephen King says writing is telepathy because you send the message, and I receive it. Your words are well selected to show me the action. And I do absolutely hate dog fighting and the cruelty associated with it. I can almost see why she snapped. Great job, I do like this.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2009
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review my story, "The Pit". It's been awhile since I wrote it and didn't honestly expect to get anymore reviews on it.
My son-in-law lost my wolf-hybrid, Kimba, in November of 2001 and this story encompasses many of the nightmares that I endured searching for her. Though we looked for her for several years (checking area shelters every day for over 2 years and driving thousands of miles of roads every week) we never found out what happened to her. I was hoping to exorcise some of my demons by writing this, as well as educate people who may not be aware of the brutality that exists in the world of "professional" dog fighting. I'm glad you enjoyed it, in spite of the gruesome subject matter.
Thanks for the flattering review - sherry
P.S. Have you read my poem, "The Road Gods"? If you liked this story and are a Stephen King fan, you might enjoy it. It is based on a short story idea that I haven't gotten around to writing yet and is yet another attempt to put the demons behind me ...
Comment from stormwolf2
I wish I had a six for you Sherry, this is a story that needed to be told. This activity is sick, and the ones that promote it and take part in it need to be either locked away for good or put to sleep like our friend in the story. I would volunteer with no scruples to do the job of executioner. And I mean that sincerely. I could ramble on all day about this subject ... but I won't it hurts too much to think that these poor innocent creatures are put through this horrific torment.
Well written my friend. I felt the pain and it cuts deep!
Hugs,
Malcolm
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2009
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I wish I had a six for you Sherry, this is a story that needed to be told. This activity is sick, and the ones that promote it and take part in it need to be either locked away for good or put to sleep like our friend in the story. I would volunteer with no scruples to do the job of executioner. And I mean that sincerely. I could ramble on all day about this subject ... but I won't it hurts too much to think that these poor innocent creatures are put through this horrific torment.
Well written my friend. I felt the pain and it cuts deep!
Hugs,
Malcolm
Comment Written 06-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2009
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Thanks, Malcolm, for taking the time to read and comment on "The Pit" - I know that for anyone who loves animals (and especially a fellow wolf-lover) it is a painful read. (You should have seem me trying to write it.) I wasn't even aware of the severity of the problem until after we lost Kimba and then all I could think of for several months was the possibility of her being used as a bait dog or pitched into the ring. I think this was an attempt to come to grips with my nightmares.
Well, got to go post some more stuff (laundry day was yesterday and I'm stuck at the "l-mat" these days, so take the notepad and "doodle").
Talk at ya later, my friend - sherry
