Comment from Adri7enne

Excellent

Getting very interesting. I'm anxious to see what else happens. Good job, building tension, developing characters. A great read. Keep them coming.

 Comment Written 05-Mar-2009

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2009

Thanks. Glad it's maintaining interest.

Comment from Catherin Elizabet Belle

Exceptional

Held me completely spellbound. Each line carries you swiftly forward grabbing your full attention. Leaves you hanging anxious for the next move that Christmas will make; and where will that lead for Laura. Very Intriguing. I highly recommend.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2009

You're far too kind, thank you

Comment from Thesis

Excellent

Powerful Chapter.

There seems to be some confusion by Laura as to who/what Christmas really is.

The action is good and clearly shows that Christmas isn't all that bad.

Waiting for the next Chapter.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2009

You're right. Laura has been in the Guild for ten years or so, and believes them. She can't Listen to Christmas, and so for once can't tell if someone's lying to her.

Thanks for the review.

Comment from WRITER1

Excellent

This is a good chapter, you think Laura would get the message bout the Guild. Now they killed her best bud. Wake up! Waiting for the next chapter. Oh, have a pint tonight for me!

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2009

Haha thanks. I'm on my third pint (or possibly fourth. It's difficult to keep track without the missus telling me). The problem Laura has, which I think I'll have to emphasise again pretty soon, is she doesn't really trust someone she can't Listen too.

Thanks again

Comment from Alcuin

Good

This is good, and clearly forms a part of an excellent work but in this chapter, Laura doesn't feel like a telepath to me. I feel it should be a little more difficult for Andrew to get the drop on her, and I also feel that earlier when Tony and Judy are plannign a celebration that it ought to be more difficult for telepaths to suffer the difficulties we all get when we don't really understand what those around us want. I know that Laura didn't want to Listen to them, but I would have thought it would be difficult not to. Like hearing.

I hope this makes sense.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2009

It does make sense, in isolation. Earlier in the book it was established that Andrew is invisible to Listeners (a major plot point) and that Listening (unlike hearing) needs a conscious effort. Ok, that sounds like I'm getting all precious about my masterpiece, but honestly, I've established that in earlier chapters.

Thanks for the review. I'm glad you thought it good.

Comment from chaswriter

Excellent

snodlander - Interesting story with strong characters and good dialogue.

Here are some suggestions:

She wouldn't Listen to them, even if they consented(--)that would be so sugary she'd get diabetes(--)but their minds were there, gently pressing on her consciousness.

Right here, right now(. Is) there anything you can do to stop me?"

Charlie

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2009

Thanks for that. Glad it held your interest.

Comment from FredCollingwood

Excellent

Great story. That Laura sounds like a tough one. a couple of minor nits:

Finally() she snapped the notepad off and > add comma

For the second time that day() Laura let out a startled scream as the closing door > comma

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2009

Thank you. I've based her on a real Laura (with her permission), and she's even tougher than mine. Thanks for the review and the spag