Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Stan Goes Down"Some bloodlines run very deep.
19 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
Geez, first Stan saves Brook with the help of his cohorts, and now those people have Stan - people and vampires alike stay in lots of peril here
I love how Brook can call out to Stan like Lois Lane's troubles were always sensed by Superman - and his neat trick of taking her in her mind to a flight in the air to see dolphins so she did not have to be "present" for those horrid men attacking her Good chapter Brooke
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
  |
Geez, first Stan saves Brook with the help of his cohorts, and now those people have Stan - people and vampires alike stay in lots of peril here
I love how Brook can call out to Stan like Lois Lane's troubles were always sensed by Superman - and his neat trick of taking her in her mind to a flight in the air to see dolphins so she did not have to be "present" for those horrid men attacking her Good chapter Brooke
Comment Written 01-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
-
You captured the intent with him taking her mind (and spirit) away for that flight well. That was it exactly! Thank you for such a wonderful review! :)
Comment from angel of the quill
another cliff hanger
nice twist
i wasn't seeing this coming
and boy i want to know what where and why
but i am trying to be patient to the next chapter
BRAVO
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
|
another cliff hanger
nice twist
i wasn't seeing this coming
and boy i want to know what where and why
but i am trying to be patient to the next chapter
BRAVO
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
-
Thank you so much! :)
Comment from Vladilynn
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone needs to help my crush!! OmY!!!!
How dare that Jason acted like that!!!!? he really need to fed with those nasty creatures out there like him!!!!
WoW!!! you have an awesome fantasy mind Steve!! Bravo! I loved how you settle the story..very interesting!!
wants to hear more..Gimme...gimeee...gimme more!!
and please take care of my Stan!!
Thank you for sharing
love much,
Lynn ( ^ ___________ ^ )
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
|
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone needs to help my crush!! OmY!!!!
How dare that Jason acted like that!!!!? he really need to fed with those nasty creatures out there like him!!!!
WoW!!! you have an awesome fantasy mind Steve!! Bravo! I loved how you settle the story..very interesting!!
wants to hear more..Gimme...gimeee...gimme more!!
and please take care of my Stan!!
Thank you for sharing
love much,
Lynn ( ^ ___________ ^ )
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
-
Thanks Lynn! :)
Comment from tkmartin
I liked your characters and imagery and thought the chapter flowed well for the most part. I did have a couple of issues with some things that seemed out of place, so thought I'd throw them out there for you, I hope that's okay:
the jump from one hundred thousand dollars to one million is a big jump and there was no protest. perhaps start at five hundred thousand?
the bit where Vito wants to inject the tracking device under Jason's skin. I expected a little reluctance from Jason, he just met this bloke.
How easy it seemed for Stan to get a hold of Jason from the cops so he could take him out to sea and feed him to the sharks. I wondered about that, but perhaps I needed to read more to understand the motivation on that one.
I also wondered why Stan would live on a boat if he couldn't swim.
Just some thoughts, I think you have a fabulous story with excellent tension. I look forward to reading more.
cheers
:)TK
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
|
I liked your characters and imagery and thought the chapter flowed well for the most part. I did have a couple of issues with some things that seemed out of place, so thought I'd throw them out there for you, I hope that's okay:
the jump from one hundred thousand dollars to one million is a big jump and there was no protest. perhaps start at five hundred thousand?
the bit where Vito wants to inject the tracking device under Jason's skin. I expected a little reluctance from Jason, he just met this bloke.
How easy it seemed for Stan to get a hold of Jason from the cops so he could take him out to sea and feed him to the sharks. I wondered about that, but perhaps I needed to read more to understand the motivation on that one.
I also wondered why Stan would live on a boat if he couldn't swim.
Just some thoughts, I think you have a fabulous story with excellent tension. I look forward to reading more.
cheers
:)TK
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
-
Thank you for reading and your wonderful review and suggestions. I upped it to $500K and added more scrutiny about injecting the tracking device. Good suggestions, thank you. As for the cops, Stan asked that only Wishes cops handle this so they could bring Jason to him. Stan doesn't live on a boat, he lives at the resort and uses the boat for business or pleasure.
Thanks again! :)
Comment from *erin*
Excellent chapter. I felt so sorry for Brook at the beginning, but I'm glad her friends were able to rescue her, thanks to Stan. The part where she and Stan were flying was beautifully written, and the part with Vito and Jason was a nice twist to the story. Good job, I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
|
Excellent chapter. I felt so sorry for Brook at the beginning, but I'm glad her friends were able to rescue her, thanks to Stan. The part where she and Stan were flying was beautifully written, and the part with Vito and Jason was a nice twist to the story. Good job, I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
-
Thank you so much for reading and your wonderful review. The flying scene is one of my favorites. Vito will create some new developments which I hope read well. Chapter 10 will get into that more.
Thanks again for your review! :)
Comment from rmdelta
NightWriter,
an excellent chapter, my friend. Terrific dialogue and the descriptives are fantastic. They easily carry us into each scene so we are there. Great work.
Reggie
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
|
NightWriter,
an excellent chapter, my friend. Terrific dialogue and the descriptives are fantastic. They easily carry us into each scene so we are there. Great work.
Reggie
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
-
Thank you Reggie! :)
Comment from Thesis
This Chapter was well written. The introduction of Vito and his men added a new dimension and twist to the story.
The fact that Stan was able to transport Brooke out of her body before she was raped was an interesting portrayal.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
|
This Chapter was well written. The introduction of Vito and his men added a new dimension and twist to the story.
The fact that Stan was able to transport Brooke out of her body before she was raped was an interesting portrayal.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
-
Ah, yes, you caught that part before she was raped. That was an important part of her getting through that moment. I'm glad you caught that. Thank you so much for your wonderful review.
Comment from babylonia
talk about intensity ... here it is in its finest. nicely done. easy to read and follow. some spaggies.
"Here, tie this around her mouth. It will muffle her screams, "Max (stray extra space between the comma and quotation mark)
"I'm not going anywhere. Jason dropped to the floor." (end quotation mark should be after anywhere)
Several dolphins came to his aid and rubbed up against (add the) two holding Stan,
imagery is excellent. it conjures up so many questions. can't wait to read more.
love,
barbara
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
|
talk about intensity ... here it is in its finest. nicely done. easy to read and follow. some spaggies.
"Here, tie this around her mouth. It will muffle her screams, "Max (stray extra space between the comma and quotation mark)
"I'm not going anywhere. Jason dropped to the floor." (end quotation mark should be after anywhere)
Several dolphins came to his aid and rubbed up against (add the) two holding Stan,
imagery is excellent. it conjures up so many questions. can't wait to read more.
love,
barbara
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
-
Yes, at this rate the Muse is constantly at my side begging for more time, LOL. Thanks for reading and your wonderful review and especially for your helpful suggestions. I'll update it today.
-
in a way, i love those days and another ... time. a fleeting enemy. LOL
-
I know what you mean, LOL.
-
makes writing so much easier.
-
Very true. There is truth to writing a little every day to keep the Muse nearby.
-
when i write every day, i feel better. it doesn't even matter if i write ten words or ten thousand. i am inspired to keep writing.
Comment from pilarblue
I enjoyed this chapter very much. There was only one minor detail that I found confusing."Brook's screams and pains were heard loud and clear." This occurred after I imagined that her screams had been muffled (this could just be me, of course). Very nicely written. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
|
I enjoyed this chapter very much. There was only one minor detail that I found confusing."Brook's screams and pains were heard loud and clear." This occurred after I imagined that her screams had been muffled (this could just be me, of course). Very nicely written. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
-
Thank you so much for your wonderful review. There was a shift in point of view when we shifted to Stan. Those transitions can get fuzzy at times. I'll look at this and see if there isn't something I can do to make that transition more clear. Thanks again!
