Reviews from

cinquains

Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Temporary Setback"
cinquain poetry

81 total reviews 
Comment from Nicnac
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Although I think both choices fit nicely, I'm going against the grain here, (from what I've read in a few reviews). I prefer 'back' - showing that it is returning.

Lovely imagery. Nice artwork.

~Nic

 Comment Written 08-Mar-2009

reply by the author on 08-Mar-2009
    Nic, thanks for the input and the review - I'm still deciding! Brooke
Comment from ~Dovey
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I would go with 'shining bright', Brooke. The rhyme lends strength to the cinquain. I think in a short piece that a sprinkling of rhyme greatly enhances the meter and flow of the piece. This is an excellent match for the picture. :)

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2009

reply by the author on 03-Mar-2009
    thanks so much for your input and your thoughtful review! Brooke :-)
Comment from LynnRadford
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I think I prefer 'shining bright.'4
'Shining back' lacks the punch of imagery that the other provides.
I loved this poetic piece on a solar eclipse.
Nicely done.
Lynn

 Comment Written 02-Mar-2009

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
    Lynn, thank you for your input and your thoughtful review. Brooke :-)
Comment from Oatmeal
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Brooke,

The artwork is beautiful. The theme was well thought out. All words are very well chosen, descriptive and successfully
explained and comprehensible. Good atmosphere and thrilling emotions.

It is perfectly written and completely error free.

I look forward to seeing you again.

Love you,

Oatmeal

 Comment Written 02-Mar-2009

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
    Oatmeal, I truly appreciate your lovely comments. Brooke :-)
Comment from Janet65
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Nice Cinquain, and some lovely imagery. The poem flows well in its brevity. The cinquain is a light and easy form if handled correctly -- you have done it so well.
Janet

 Comment Written 02-Mar-2009

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
    Janet, thank you for your most kind comments, Brooke
Comment from Sardinesandsucker
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Hell Brooke, I think the way you have it smoothes things out real nice. The other night before the clouds covered it up the quarter moon was sitting low in the sky. There was a bright star/planet within inches of where the moon was. It was beautiful. Peace always Sandina

 Comment Written 02-Mar-2009

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
    Sandina, I love when Venus or Jupiter is right next to the moon - that is such a gorgeous sight! Thanks for your great review, Brooke
Comment from nukrz
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I like Bright again! At first I was like shouldnt it be back again because that was just instinct. But if you take the time to actually read the written words then Bright is better!

 Comment Written 02-Mar-2009

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
    Thanks for your input and your thoughtful review, Brooke :-)
Comment from FredCollingwood
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I'm trying to picture a black disc in the morning sky. I can usually visualize your descriptions, but I'm stuck with this one. It's an enjoyable read, as all of your are.

 Comment Written 02-Mar-2009

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
    A total solar eclipse produces a black disc - didn't the illustration come through? That shows one. Thanks, Fred.
reply by FredCollingwood on 02-Mar-2009
    That was what I thought of. Maybe I was looking for something else, because the eclipse is so rare.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
    I just wrote about a rare thing :-) I saw one once back in 1970 - it has really stuck with me! :-)
Comment from Hitcher
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I think you have it right Brooke shining bright would be my choice friend. I just did my first ever cinquain, I like yours more! Excellent synergy, would of done well in the last contest.

 Comment Written 02-Mar-2009

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
    Isn't it fun to try a new form? Thanks, Brooke :-)
Comment from TinyTeena
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Describing an eclipse of the sun, when the earth is pushed into darkness to to the moon blocking the view of the sun. then finally the brightness of the sun returns as it passes behind the moon and is seen once more.
Brooke, I believe it is better to leave it the way you have it - "until the light comes shining bright
again". If you were to have "back" instead of "bright", then the word "again" would not be able to be used. Coming back and again mean much the same thing. So saying the sun is bright again makes more sense.
Kristene

 Comment Written 02-Mar-2009

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
    Kristine - thank you for your input and your kind review. Brooke :-)