Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Jason Returns"Some bloodlines run very deep.
16 total reviews
Comment from findingmyroom
Action-packed chapter. I'm ready to take Jason on myself! I really like your characters and the way they are bonding as the story progresses. It was a good time for a change of pace. Nice job.
reply by the author on 14-May-2009
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Action-packed chapter. I'm ready to take Jason on myself! I really like your characters and the way they are bonding as the story progresses. It was a good time for a change of pace. Nice job.
Comment Written 14-May-2009
reply by the author on 14-May-2009
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I like your spirit! Thank you so much for your wonderful review. :)
Comment from Sasha
Excellent. Great descriptions. Tense and full of anticipation of what is to come next. Well written and keep the reader caught up in the story. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 06-May-2009
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Excellent. Great descriptions. Tense and full of anticipation of what is to come next. Well written and keep the reader caught up in the story. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 06-May-2009
reply by the author on 06-May-2009
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Thank you so much!!! Wow!
Comment from babylonia
no, it wouldn't have happened to the guard but it would have happened to brook. she needs to remember that one. nicely done. easy to read and follow. one small spaggie.
I'm so sorry for him coming down here. (change him coming down here to his coming here)
imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
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no, it wouldn't have happened to the guard but it would have happened to brook. she needs to remember that one. nicely done. easy to read and follow. one small spaggie.
I'm so sorry for him coming down here. (change him coming down here to his coming here)
imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
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Thank you for reading and your wonderful review! Thanks also for your spaggie catch. I'll fix it tonight. Chapter 8 is in the wings in final edits and it is riveting. Thanks again!
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i imagine it will be ...
love,
barbara
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello NightWriter
so you told me to read this chapter . Looks like you go me right in to a chapter where I don't know excatlly know much about the theme of your book I can say you have several twist and plenty of action going on
good chapter.
Guess I will have to take a quick look in you past chapters and see how this chapter developed
Gert
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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Hello NightWriter
so you told me to read this chapter . Looks like you go me right in to a chapter where I don't know excatlly know much about the theme of your book I can say you have several twist and plenty of action going on
good chapter.
Guess I will have to take a quick look in you past chapters and see how this chapter developed
Gert
Comment Written 27-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much Gert for this wonderful review! If you're going to look at some of the past chapters, I'd steer clear of Chapter 1, that the most violent of them. I tried to paint Jason as a beast and may have gone too far. I'll revisit this chapter one day. Whenever that man is in the picture all heck breaks loose! Thanks again for your interest.
NW
Comment from *erin*
Good chapter! I liked the contrast between the light beginning and serious ending. It made for a nice conflict. Hopefully Jason won't find Brook anytime soon. Good job, hope to read more soon!
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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Good chapter! I liked the contrast between the light beginning and serious ending. It made for a nice conflict. Hopefully Jason won't find Brook anytime soon. Good job, hope to read more soon!
Comment Written 27-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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Thank you Erin for your wonderful review! In Chapter 8, coming very soon, Jason sets up some pretty intense suspense and Stan shows more of his powers. Thanks again!
NW
Comment from Jonez08
So, Jason finally showed up? I sort of thought he would after the last chapter. I must say, you always give your characters a good time, food, drinks, rides..all American fun. You let their age and personalities come through.
The glowing red digits (said) seven as the alarm rang. Lori slammed the button down(,) turning it off. She lay down and fell back to sleep.
(I suggest: read instead of said)
A knock(ing) at the door woke her again.
(should be knock)
Good morning!" Brook said(,) smiling and laughing.
then sat next to Lori(,) tickling the side of her stomach.
Tires squealed(,) and the girls screamed
Hell(,) no(.) (H)e's a sworn enemy of this place
They (started) at the Crab House to eat, then walked
(should this be stopped??)
Cassandra
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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So, Jason finally showed up? I sort of thought he would after the last chapter. I must say, you always give your characters a good time, food, drinks, rides..all American fun. You let their age and personalities come through.
The glowing red digits (said) seven as the alarm rang. Lori slammed the button down(,) turning it off. She lay down and fell back to sleep.
(I suggest: read instead of said)
A knock(ing) at the door woke her again.
(should be knock)
Good morning!" Brook said(,) smiling and laughing.
then sat next to Lori(,) tickling the side of her stomach.
Tires squealed(,) and the girls screamed
Hell(,) no(.) (H)e's a sworn enemy of this place
They (started) at the Crab House to eat, then walked
(should this be stopped??)
Cassandra
Comment Written 27-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much for your encouragement and helpful review Cassandra.
This line ... Hell(,) no(.) (H)e's a sworn enemy of this place
I actually wrote it that way, but Word didn't like it so I changed it. But it does sound better your way so I changed it to your suggestion. I also questioned "The glowing red digits (said) seven" when I edited and couldn't decide between read and said, so your suggestion was a big help here too.
Chapter 8 will have more of Jason who will bring increased conflict and suspense to the story. Tears actually welled up in my eyes as I wrote the beginning.
Thanks again!
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you're welcome Steve. I've found out, when you feel your work the reader will also. So if you almost cried, I'll have my tissue ready. lol (besides it doesn't take much to touch my heart, I cry while watching movies and reading books)
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Thanks!
Comment from jlsavell
Nightwriter, and the plot thickens..where is Jason at. I am anxious to see what Stan, this really sexy, rich, in control vampire will do with this loser..so many twist and turns..now i want to know why Stan's image is floating around Disney World...again another great chapter..jimi
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Nightwriter, and the plot thickens..where is Jason at. I am anxious to see what Stan, this really sexy, rich, in control vampire will do with this loser..so many twist and turns..now i want to know why Stan's image is floating around Disney World...again another great chapter..jimi
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thanks Jimi! Chapter 8 is absolutely riveting right off the bat. I'm still tweaking it, but it has even me sitting at the edge of my chair. Chapter 8 will be out in a few more days. Sometimes when we write, the journey is so unreal. Thanks again for your encouragement and wonderful review!
NW
Comment from Vladilynn
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow!! what a chapter of suspense just one thing..I thought it's a private resort and only plane can go to the island?? mmmmmm...and i thought jason don't have enough money at all..cause he don't work that's why brooke needs to work hardly. Mmmmmm..okay..maybe you can give me explanation...loll
Thank you for sharing can't wait for the next chapter!!
love much
Lynn ( ^ ___________ ^ )
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow!! what a chapter of suspense just one thing..I thought it's a private resort and only plane can go to the island?? mmmmmm...and i thought jason don't have enough money at all..cause he don't work that's why brooke needs to work hardly. Mmmmmm..okay..maybe you can give me explanation...loll
Thank you for sharing can't wait for the next chapter!!
love much
Lynn ( ^ ___________ ^ )
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thanks so much Lynn! It's Daytona Beach, so he can drive down with his friends. You're right, Jason is a brute with no money, but he has interesting friends. :)
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is another nice chapter from this interesting book. I like the intrigues and twists that keep the reader's attention all through. kudos
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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This is another nice chapter from this interesting book. I like the intrigues and twists that keep the reader's attention all through. kudos
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review and encouragement!
NW
Comment from adewpearl
kick your but should be butt
phones beeped, telling them add comma
change of plans, people add comma for direct address
Stan asked, looking at add comma
Being pursued in Disneyworld by a crazed guy with a gun - who needs thrill rides? For a while there this was just this fun outing - but I knew that couldn't last, not with this crowd! :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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kick your but should be butt
phones beeped, telling them add comma
change of plans, people add comma for direct address
Stan asked, looking at add comma
Being pursued in Disneyworld by a crazed guy with a gun - who needs thrill rides? For a while there this was just this fun outing - but I knew that couldn't last, not with this crowd! :-) Brooke
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much Brooke for your wonderful and encouraging review and helpful suggestions.
NW
