The Listener
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Laura and the nutcase"Telepathy makes business trust easy. Or should.
4 total reviews
Comment from WRITER1
Ok, what is he a hologram, okay I'll wait until the next chapter to find out. Got me on a fence, Snoddy!. No need for revision.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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Ok, what is he a hologram, okay I'll wait until the next chapter to find out. Got me on a fence, Snoddy!. No need for revision.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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A hologram? Hmm, maybe, maybe not. Thanks for the review.
Comment from L Stout
Who'd have thought he hid all those bodies in the cellar?"
LOL
oooh this was good, you managed to convey tension and slight humour without being too unrealistic in the actions of your characters. Does the serial killer get more depth later on? He seemed quite cool... xx Lisa
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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Who'd have thought he hid all those bodies in the cellar?"
LOL
oooh this was good, you managed to convey tension and slight humour without being too unrealistic in the actions of your characters. Does the serial killer get more depth later on? He seemed quite cool... xx Lisa
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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Oh, he's as cool as James Bond at the moment. You're right, I haven't fleshed him out much at the moment. I shall have to address that, as he's a key player later on. Thanks for that observation, and for your review.
Comment from Adri7enne
Intriguing, interesting, well written. You might just have a winner here. It's different and your characters are developing nicely. The dialogue is spot on. Just one typo.Good job.
"bored carers," Did you mean "bored careers"?
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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Intriguing, interesting, well written. You might just have a winner here. It's different and your characters are developing nicely. The dialogue is spot on. Just one typo.Good job.
"bored carers," Did you mean "bored careers"?
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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I meant bored carers, as in the adults that were caring for the little, um, darlings. I mentioned in an earlier chapter the restaurant ahd a lot of families out for a budget treat.
Thanks for your review and you kind words. Glad your stamina isn't flagging yet.
Comment from yachtworknz
Snoodlander-Great opening line.
The dialog is good and sounds real. Ther is alot of dialog for the action. It's a bit hard to grind through all the dialog without a couple breaks for small action or movements.
Acctually scratch that. I took a close look and the most dialog hits we had was six before a break and that's fine. Yep, this is work.
Thanks for posting.
Scott
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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Snoodlander-Great opening line.
The dialog is good and sounds real. Ther is alot of dialog for the action. It's a bit hard to grind through all the dialog without a couple breaks for small action or movements.
Acctually scratch that. I took a close look and the most dialog hits we had was six before a break and that's fine. Yep, this is work.
Thanks for posting.
Scott
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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Thanks. If you felt there was too much dialogue before counting, then maybe it's a valid criticism. i'll look at it again later.
