Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A New Love Interest (Part II)"Some bloodlines run very deep.
17 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
This was an excellent chapter. Well written. Your descriptions are strong and provide great imagery. I am pleased that you have improved your writing by not adding too much unnecessary information. This chapter contained just the right amount of information and enough to keep the reader fascinated and wanting to know more. Very good work.
reply by the author on 06-May-2009
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This was an excellent chapter. Well written. Your descriptions are strong and provide great imagery. I am pleased that you have improved your writing by not adding too much unnecessary information. This chapter contained just the right amount of information and enough to keep the reader fascinated and wanting to know more. Very good work.
Comment Written 06-May-2009
reply by the author on 06-May-2009
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Thank you, Smurphgirl for all your wonderful reviews and taking the time to read the entire book. It is such a joy to read your reviews and learn how the magic of my story telling worked for you. It is a journey into a very interesting world. Thanks again.
Comment from findingmyroom
This chapter is full of activity but not much real action. It works, though, helping to set up the growing relationships. I will be interested to know what happens with the reappearance of Jason.
reply by the author on 01-May-2009
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This chapter is full of activity but not much real action. It works, though, helping to set up the growing relationships. I will be interested to know what happens with the reappearance of Jason.
Comment Written 01-May-2009
reply by the author on 01-May-2009
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review! Things are beginning to heat up and Jason is not a nice guy. I'll take a look at the chapter and see if there is anything I can touch up to bring more action to it. Thanks again!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello NightWriter
Let me say one of these days I believe Brook will find out she needs Stan's vampire love making, will be the only thing that will give her the Satisfaction she needs.
Now I have a question does Lori realize the Stan is a vampire
I don't know maybe it was me I thoughtthe part about the dinner cruise went into, too much detail.
Gert
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2009
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Hello NightWriter
Let me say one of these days I believe Brook will find out she needs Stan's vampire love making, will be the only thing that will give her the Satisfaction she needs.
Now I have a question does Lori realize the Stan is a vampire
I don't know maybe it was me I thoughtthe part about the dinner cruise went into, too much detail.
Gert
Comment Written 22-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2009
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Thank you so much Gert for another wonderful review. Oh yes, Lori knows Stan is a vampire. The temptation has always been there for Brook and Stan to get together, but with Lori it's tough to see it, unless Stan cheated on her(cheating is not in his character, even though he has a dark side, LOL). Behind the scenes, the good doctor (Linda) has been working on a formula to give everlasting life. Brook will be working for her, and things are set to take off in that direction once I finish Chapter 11.
I'll take a look at the dinner cruise part and see where I can shorten it a bit. Thanks again!
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Thank you Nightwriter for setting me straight of what is going on
Great writing.
Take care.
Gert
Comment from angel of the quill
passionate suggestive and perfect for the theme
with characters falling into place in perfection
a rather lovely image created as well as a plot with twists enough to lure you on to the next chapter
great work
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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passionate suggestive and perfect for the theme
with characters falling into place in perfection
a rather lovely image created as well as a plot with twists enough to lure you on to the next chapter
great work
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thanks again for reading and your awesome review! I try to make the story come alive in the reader's mind. Thanks for letting me know it's working. I'm still learning too. Soon, I will have a script on this story. Still learning how to write those, but it's coming.
Comment from babylonia
well, that sucks. she is definitely not going to like that. now we know why lori is so frustrated. yeah, i can see how that would work well for the vampire but still ... sigh. easy to read and follow. one small spaggie.
that's what the Skipper's are (drop are) here for." Lori laughed.
imagery is excellent. made me smile. made me giggle when they brought out the toys.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2009
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well, that sucks. she is definitely not going to like that. now we know why lori is so frustrated. yeah, i can see how that would work well for the vampire but still ... sigh. easy to read and follow. one small spaggie.
that's what the Skipper's are (drop are) here for." Lori laughed.
imagery is excellent. made me smile. made me giggle when they brought out the toys.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 25-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much for reading and your wonderful review and suggestion.
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you are welcome~
Comment from jlsavell
goodness nightwriter, I do not know if my poor heart can take this story. lol...this is phenomenal as a completely different spin to vampire lore. I cannot say enough..bravo my friend....I am jealous...jimi
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2009
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goodness nightwriter, I do not know if my poor heart can take this story. lol...this is phenomenal as a completely different spin to vampire lore. I cannot say enough..bravo my friend....I am jealous...jimi
Comment Written 24-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much Jimi! It means a lot for it to be different. I'm currently trying to turn this into a screenplay, but like many things in life, it's harder than I thought, LOL.
The next chapter will be breathtaking. By nightfall, Brook's world will turn upsidedown.
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I can see this being a screen play..
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Thanks! It's all I thought about while watching the Academy Awards. I promised myself I would at least try and get it picked up. I bought screenwrting software, and it's very helpful. Thanks again!
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well why you are at it,,I think Fata should be an opera..you know I am trying to be funny..Fata cannot touch your vampire tale..
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I wouldn't be so sure about Fata, LOL. She can carry a story so well and can be a tough act to follow. She knows how to capture her audience, that's for sure!
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well sir you are too kind..I will let her know..she will probably blush..
Comment from smokyeye
The beginning has too much detail that is not really related to the action that is forthcoming. The ending is fabulous but details run very quickly and need to be reread
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2009
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The beginning has too much detail that is not really related to the action that is forthcoming. The ending is fabulous but details run very quickly and need to be reread
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2009
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Thank you for taking a look and your helpful review. If you could give me some examples, it would be helpful to me when I write.
Thaks again.
Comment from Buzz Bellam
A couple of SPAGS appear to have snuck in on you. Para "Lori pinched...." could have quotes around the word "Stop". Such a style would jazz this part a touch. Para "They boarded...." Line "About twenty-five...." "vase with a several...." ought to leave out the word "a". Para "The four dined...." line "As the evening..." Is winded a word? Could it not be "wound"?
I was nitpicking you because...because this offering is so delicious...because this offering is dripping with sex. You gave me a wonderful experience. Thanx! ;-)
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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A couple of SPAGS appear to have snuck in on you. Para "Lori pinched...." could have quotes around the word "Stop". Such a style would jazz this part a touch. Para "They boarded...." Line "About twenty-five...." "vase with a several...." ought to leave out the word "a". Para "The four dined...." line "As the evening..." Is winded a word? Could it not be "wound"?
I was nitpicking you because...because this offering is so delicious...because this offering is dripping with sex. You gave me a wonderful experience. Thanx! ;-)
Comment Written 19-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review and those most helpful suggestions. Comments like yours tell me I'm doing something right if I can give readers a good experience reading. Thanks again! I'll make the changes tonight.
NW
Comment from Vladilynn
Ohhhhhh....my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what a frustrating outcome for her. Is there's any other way?? To heal her?? like making Jim as a vampire too!?? ahhh...okay that's a stupid suggestion!! loll
Hmmmm...what a chapter holding here!! where's the continuation?????? geeeeesssh! gimme..gimmeeee...LOLL
Thank you for sharing
love much
Lynn ( ^ __________ ^ )
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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Ohhhhhh....my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what a frustrating outcome for her. Is there's any other way?? To heal her?? like making Jim as a vampire too!?? ahhh...okay that's a stupid suggestion!! loll
Hmmmm...what a chapter holding here!! where's the continuation?????? geeeeesssh! gimme..gimmeeee...LOLL
Thank you for sharing
love much
Lynn ( ^ __________ ^ )
Comment Written 19-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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Thanks again Lynn! Oh, there are some exciting things on the horizon for Brook, LOL.
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can't wait for the next one!!!!
Comment from Perp Ihebom
A very beautiful and chilling story. Initially, i thought it was just a commonplace love story, until the vampire part surfaced and spiced it u. kudos
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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A very beautiful and chilling story. Initially, i thought it was just a commonplace love story, until the vampire part surfaced and spiced it u. kudos
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much for reading and your wonderful review! :)
NW
