Comment from Sasha

Excellent

This is moving along nicely. Again, great descriptions. A little long in places. I want to emphasize that your writing is very good and your descriptions provide very strong imagery. You simply need to keep the reader focused on the tension and "what's going to happen" next aspect of the story. I hope my comments are not turning into an irritation. I wouldn't take the time if I didn't think you had a good story to tell.

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2009

---

reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009

Thanks again Smurphgirl, for the great feedback. It's extremely helpful.

Comment from findingmyroom

Excellent

The detail in this chapter is excellent, the colors of the girls' bikinis, the vivid "dream" Brook has and so on. Comb through for a bunch of small technical errors to polish it up. I'm looking forward to the next one!

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2009

---

reply by the author on 28-Apr-2009

Thank you so much!!! :)

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Hello Nigtwriter,
sorry taken so long to get reading this chapter.
It was a bit long, but really good.
You go into good details so the reader knows what is going on.
I wonder wht Stan is going to say when he finds out Brooke is now interested in Jim the bodyguard?

Gert

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2009

---

reply by the author on 21-Mar-2009

Thank you so much Gert for your review. Things are getting interesting in Brook's life. :)

Comment from babylonia

Excellent

hmmm ... i didn't forget you. it just took a while. this is another great chapter. i like the way you incorporated her nightmare in here. i'm guessing by now brooke is feeling like she's died and gone to heaven. LOL easy to read and follow. a few spaggies.

(beginning quote) Coming right up, and for you?"

They both headed down to (add the) front of the hotel

imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2009

---

reply by the author on 25-Feb-2009

Thank you again for reading and your review and spaggies. These are long chapters to read, especially when I have no points or dollars on them. I really appreciate your support and encouragement! :)

reply by babylonia on 25-Feb-2009

no worries. sometimes it seems like half of the new stuff i read, long or short, is only for two cents and one point. if i was reading the whole novel i would be paying you. so i don't mind. i like your story. i'm going to read no matter what.
love,
barbara

reply by the author on 25-Feb-2009

Thank you so much. That is one of the best forms of compliments! :)

reply by babylonia on 26-Feb-2009

you are very welcome~

Comment from Vladilynn

Excellent

Whew!!!! Long enough!! LOLL

I enjoyed don't worry, just didn't expected that long...cause I been reading poems and switch to read a chapter!! Loll

WoW!! Your story keep me going totally exciting too!!

Will read the other chap now!

Thank you for sharing

love much

Lynn ( ^ __________ ^ )

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2009

---

reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009

Thanks Lynn. Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for your wonderful review. :)

Comment from jlsavell

Excellent

Nightwriter, oh nightwriter, now where exactly is this place????? You certainly make me want to go visit and Fata too!!! River tubing, parasailing, sleep till noon, wonderful staeks and oh of course that junglre juice!! Just enough to get a girl fired right up! lol....

This is a steamy seductive chapter. Hungry Obsessive Ravenous Nocturnal Yearnings huh..poor Brooke.

I am going to have to send you a cute story about the word Horny, which has nothing to do with sexual urges..

love this cahpter..cannot get ot the next till tomorrow..you are the best..jimi

 Comment Written 17-Feb-2009

---

reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009

Thank you so much for the encouragement and review Jimi. Part II does take it up a notch, LOL. I honestly can call this a romance (in a way), a fantasy (in a BIG way) and a horror/thriller (in another way). It's all of them in one way or another. :) Thanks for reading!

Comment from Jonez08

Excellent

Wow Steve, It shows just how much you put into this chapter, an awesome improvement. It flowed well and your spag was minimal. Good job.

Brook became mesmerized on the lifeguard as he rubbed the creamy sunscreen over his chest
(consider: Mesmerized, Brook's gaze followed the movement of the lifeguard's hand as he rubbed sunscreen over the planes of his chest.) (there was something about 'Brook became mesmerized' didn't flow for me)

Oh, you notice Jim
I would just have her say (His name is Jim.) so it will be interesting, instead of spelling it out for the reader. And the next line would stay the same "Jim? That's a nice name." Just a suggestion

What can I get (ye) all
(didn't get this. Should it be ya'll?)

Without Jim what's the fun(?)"

Cassandra

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2009

---

reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009

Thank you Cassandra. Excellent suggestions as always and already put to good use. Thank you also for your welcome compliments and encouragement. They mean a lot. I'm still learning, and love every minute of it. :)

reply by Jonez08 on 17-Feb-2009

You're welcome. Your lights really shined in this one. I look forward to part 2, hopefully I can get to it later today. Take care

Cassandra

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

nothing like a vampire's bit to give a young woman an insatiable desire for sex and steak. LOL There are worse side effects in life! Lots of dark humor in this chapter.
Brooke

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2009

---

reply by the author on 16-Feb-2009

Thank you for reading and your wonderful review! :)

Comment from Tellis

Excellent

"Nice to me you, Charles(meet) Just a small typo in a great story chapter. Sigh... I want to go to work here. LoL I enjoy reading this story.

Tellis

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2009

---

reply by the author on 16-Feb-2009

Thank you so much for your wonderful review and catching the spag. I'd like to work there too. :)

Comment from rmdelta

Excellent

NightWriter, this is a very well written chapter, strong descriptives allow us to almost be present during the events which take place. Well done

Reggie

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2009

---

reply by the author on 16-Feb-2009

Thanks Reggie, that's what I aimed to do. Thanks for the wonderful review!