Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Some Needed Rest and Relaxation"Some bloodlines run very deep.
19 total reviews
Comment from rusla
Strange my rating system just changed, weird. Anyways, I am riveted to this story, It is totally a unique tale of vampirism.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Strange my rating system just changed, weird. Anyways, I am riveted to this story, It is totally a unique tale of vampirism.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review!!!
Steve
Comment from RebelRose
Looks like she is not completely rid of Jason after all. She may be in more danger now of the vampire. Really interesting chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Looks like she is not completely rid of Jason after all. She may be in more danger now of the vampire. Really interesting chapter.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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So true! Thank you so much for your encouraging comments and wonderful review. :)
Comment from Connie P
This is very well written. I will have to find time to go back and catch up on the chapters I haven't read. You have a very tight plot, the storyline is so well done, I was able to slip in at this point, but I still want to get the background to be able to go forward with this story.
Thanks,
Connie
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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This is very well written. I will have to find time to go back and catch up on the chapters I haven't read. You have a very tight plot, the storyline is so well done, I was able to slip in at this point, but I still want to get the background to be able to go forward with this story.
Thanks,
Connie
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Thank you so much for your wonderful and encouraging comments! I'm so happy that you enjoyed this story. :)
Steve
Comment from Elizabeth_Mckenna
Good chapter. It seems to be a very interesting story. Good descriptions of the resort. I could really see it.
Some punctuation suggestions (I realize not everyone on this site follows the same rules, but I'm going off of what my reference books say...):
Lori looked at Brook then Stan. (do you need an "and" between "Brook" and "then" - or at least a comma? Seems like something is missing.)
"Please, allow me(,) love."
As the door opened(,) a hush came over the group.
Reaching toward the sofa(,) she grabbed her
"Maybe I can catch the next one."He sat next (Space needed before "He")
Brook turned to Lori(.) "Can
"Not now(,) Brook, okay?"
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Good chapter. It seems to be a very interesting story. Good descriptions of the resort. I could really see it.
Some punctuation suggestions (I realize not everyone on this site follows the same rules, but I'm going off of what my reference books say...):
Lori looked at Brook then Stan. (do you need an "and" between "Brook" and "then" - or at least a comma? Seems like something is missing.)
"Please, allow me(,) love."
As the door opened(,) a hush came over the group.
Reaching toward the sofa(,) she grabbed her
"Maybe I can catch the next one."He sat next (Space needed before "He")
Brook turned to Lori(.) "Can
"Not now(,) Brook, okay?"
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you so much Elizabeth for your wonderful and helpful review. You help catch a few gremlins out there! I just finished writing this book on January 1st and have been editing these early chapters. While I am disappointed I didn't catch these, I truley appreciate your efforts. Most of these are where I enhanced something. Thanks again! :)
Steve
Comment from Alison Williams
Oh I scrolled down to your notes and looking at the list of characters, my interest was peaked by the description of Stan, before I even started reading. What an interesting combination. I shall have to back and read the rest of the story.
Only a few errors I spotted, which may have already been pointed out (the corrections are in brackets).
Lori threaded her fingers threw(through) Brook(')s hair and tucked some st(r)ands behind her ear. "
The smell of fresh grilled food rising from the snack hut(,) mixed with the smell of the ocean(,) caused hunger pains in their stomachs.
The girls ordered and dined on sizzling kabobs piled high with Cajun shrimps, cubed chicken, tender pieces of steak, onions and green peppers. The kabob's chicken was oven roasted and marinated in sweet barbeque sauce while the steaks were dipped in a tasty butter sauce. These tastes left them hungry for more. At their side they had thirty-two ounce frosted mugs that were kept full of Wishes own home brewed beer. - Oh yum.
I cut her a nice check to help her. (I would have this as cheque - Though I'm not sure, is it correct for US spelling? To me check is for e.g. to check something out, or check for errors.
I do have to read up your earlier chapters, several shooting stars together makes me think they are passing through an asteroid belt lol! Ok, I am also intrigued by what seems to be a paradise!
I enjoy this story, this chapter is excellent and if is it indicative of the rest of the novel, I will definitely have to come back and read it all.
WEll done. Alison
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Oh I scrolled down to your notes and looking at the list of characters, my interest was peaked by the description of Stan, before I even started reading. What an interesting combination. I shall have to back and read the rest of the story.
Only a few errors I spotted, which may have already been pointed out (the corrections are in brackets).
Lori threaded her fingers threw(through) Brook(')s hair and tucked some st(r)ands behind her ear. "
The smell of fresh grilled food rising from the snack hut(,) mixed with the smell of the ocean(,) caused hunger pains in their stomachs.
The girls ordered and dined on sizzling kabobs piled high with Cajun shrimps, cubed chicken, tender pieces of steak, onions and green peppers. The kabob's chicken was oven roasted and marinated in sweet barbeque sauce while the steaks were dipped in a tasty butter sauce. These tastes left them hungry for more. At their side they had thirty-two ounce frosted mugs that were kept full of Wishes own home brewed beer. - Oh yum.
I cut her a nice check to help her. (I would have this as cheque - Though I'm not sure, is it correct for US spelling? To me check is for e.g. to check something out, or check for errors.
I do have to read up your earlier chapters, several shooting stars together makes me think they are passing through an asteroid belt lol! Ok, I am also intrigued by what seems to be a paradise!
I enjoy this story, this chapter is excellent and if is it indicative of the rest of the novel, I will definitely have to come back and read it all.
WEll done. Alison
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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THANK YOU so muck Alison for your encouraging and helpful review. I just finished this book on January 1st and am in the editing phase. Editing seems to take almost as long as creating the chapter, LOL. Thank you for helping me catch these gremlins. It is an enjoyable story that reads like a rollercoaster ride with high and low points of excitement and romance. As I edit, I'm sharpening and enhancing. I'm up to chapter 4. Thank you again for reading and sharing in the enjoyment. I appreciate your helpful comments very much! :)
Steve
Comment from Writeaway...
Aw, you certainly left me wondering what's going to happen next, I found no spags whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, excellent job, keep writing!!
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Aw, you certainly left me wondering what's going to happen next, I found no spags whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, excellent job, keep writing!!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Thank you for such an encouraging and positive review! :)
Comment from Sasha
This chapter read much smoother. Very good work. You have a lot of dialogue and in some places you may want to clarify who is speaking...it gets a little confusing in places. The descriptions are great yet it still is more than the reader needs. Although well written, it detracts from the intensity and intrigue of the story. Less about the food and more about the strange deja vu feelings Brook is having. Another great job.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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This chapter read much smoother. Very good work. You have a lot of dialogue and in some places you may want to clarify who is speaking...it gets a little confusing in places. The descriptions are great yet it still is more than the reader needs. Although well written, it detracts from the intensity and intrigue of the story. Less about the food and more about the strange deja vu feelings Brook is having. Another great job.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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Thank you for such a wonderful review and especially your continued feedback and suggestions. I will use them. Your feedback helps me see where I can improve the story, which is the ultimate goal. Thanks again. It is so much appreciated.
Comment from findingmyroom
Her new fantasy life is treating Brook well! I'm interested to know what will happen once she sees the inside of Lori's room...
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009
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Her new fantasy life is treating Brook well! I'm interested to know what will happen once she sees the inside of Lori's room...
Comment Written 04-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review! Brook deserves such happiness, but like life, things keep getting in the way. I'm so glad you are enjoying the book. :) Thank you.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello NightWriter
Stan is a very clever vampire and certainly knows how to lure beautiful women into his thirsty desire.
No wonder Lori has such a vacuous appetite, but I sill cannot understand why she doesn't recall the times that Stan has filled his thirst with her blood.
I hope when she has another flash back she will realize what is going on
Will read next chapter soon as I can
Gert
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2009
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Hello NightWriter
Stan is a very clever vampire and certainly knows how to lure beautiful women into his thirsty desire.
No wonder Lori has such a vacuous appetite, but I sill cannot understand why she doesn't recall the times that Stan has filled his thirst with her blood.
I hope when she has another flash back she will realize what is going on
Will read next chapter soon as I can
Gert
Comment Written 16-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2009
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Thank you so much Gert for reading and your wonderful review. In Chapter 10, she does learn more and remembers more. That was one part of the story I couldn't decide on. Should the victims know Stan was a vampire or should he erase their memories. Both sides offer opportunities for suspense and discovery, but in the end, I needed someone to know the truth about Stan, so we could learn more about him and his needs and weaknesses.
Thanks again!
Comment from angel of the quill
oh perfect place to end so i am on the edge of my seat..
tapping nails .. page please.. had too sorry
but this was great highly descriptive and inclusive
it got the reader into it in a very personal way
great job
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2009
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oh perfect place to end so i am on the edge of my seat..
tapping nails .. page please.. had too sorry
but this was great highly descriptive and inclusive
it got the reader into it in a very personal way
great job
Comment Written 05-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review!!! :)
