Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Slowing Down"sonnets
89 total reviews
Comment from JeJo
Brooke,
oh, Wordsworth's poem is one of my favorites! I love how some of those elements are included in this sonnet... and what a beautifully thought-out sonnet!!
The rhymes are great; I especially thought the couplet rhymes amazing.
How often I've stormed headlong into life,
assaulting what would better be embraced. - oh, the ironic things we tend to do! when it needs assaulting, we embrace it, and when it needs to be embraced, we assault it... we seem to be twisted sometimes. we also tend to go into a situation without thinking it fully through, damaging the good that might be there...
My urgency incising like a knife
all things that might slow down my frantic pace. - nice simile and good 'i' assonace; 'urgency' is such a powerful word; we rush too much, never slowing down (which is what we should do, from the title!); in our rush we kill anything in our path of frantic chaos...
My pride has been to follow a straight line,
that fabled shortest distance 'tween two points, - nice 'i' assonance again, and 'f' alliteration; wow, these lines are awesome! 'my pride has been to follow a straight line' so it seems this is saying that we take the easiest path, with no curves or unseen dangers; we take the straight line, the shortest path to our destination, without realizing the beauty in front of us; we don't enjoy the journey, and are solely there for the goal (although we should all have our eyes on the goal)
to never deviate from my design,
to stay on task lest I should disappoint. - nice 'd' alliteration here; disappoint, who? ourselves, or someone else? that's an interesting thought... is our pride working for or against us here?
How many golden daffodils have danced,
then wilted since I've read a Wordsworth rhyme? - good 'd' and 'w' alliteration; I love the allusion here... it's beautiful, and so thoughtful.
How long since I upon a stream have chanced
and stopped to skip a stone and waste some time? - nice 's' sounds in these two lines; I love this question, for it questions where 'we' have gone and what we have become versus what we used to be... sometimes we have to forced ourselves to 'waste some time' for we travel too fast and never stop to enjoy the small things in life.
So stroll I shall by cool, meandrous stream
to step by measured step my soul redeem. - like I said before, I love these rhymes! The word choices are great 'meandrous' 'measured' and 'redeem' are beautiful, conveying a sense of coolness, freedom, and peace; this is a perfect ending to the sonnet, showing the reader that the speaker did indeed stop by the stream, and in doing so, slowly the soul was redeemed and refreshed.
Great work!! absolutely beautiful and lovely... the thoughts are wonderful! I loved this :) All the best, Jen
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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Brooke,
oh, Wordsworth's poem is one of my favorites! I love how some of those elements are included in this sonnet... and what a beautifully thought-out sonnet!!
The rhymes are great; I especially thought the couplet rhymes amazing.
How often I've stormed headlong into life,
assaulting what would better be embraced. - oh, the ironic things we tend to do! when it needs assaulting, we embrace it, and when it needs to be embraced, we assault it... we seem to be twisted sometimes. we also tend to go into a situation without thinking it fully through, damaging the good that might be there...
My urgency incising like a knife
all things that might slow down my frantic pace. - nice simile and good 'i' assonace; 'urgency' is such a powerful word; we rush too much, never slowing down (which is what we should do, from the title!); in our rush we kill anything in our path of frantic chaos...
My pride has been to follow a straight line,
that fabled shortest distance 'tween two points, - nice 'i' assonance again, and 'f' alliteration; wow, these lines are awesome! 'my pride has been to follow a straight line' so it seems this is saying that we take the easiest path, with no curves or unseen dangers; we take the straight line, the shortest path to our destination, without realizing the beauty in front of us; we don't enjoy the journey, and are solely there for the goal (although we should all have our eyes on the goal)
to never deviate from my design,
to stay on task lest I should disappoint. - nice 'd' alliteration here; disappoint, who? ourselves, or someone else? that's an interesting thought... is our pride working for or against us here?
How many golden daffodils have danced,
then wilted since I've read a Wordsworth rhyme? - good 'd' and 'w' alliteration; I love the allusion here... it's beautiful, and so thoughtful.
How long since I upon a stream have chanced
and stopped to skip a stone and waste some time? - nice 's' sounds in these two lines; I love this question, for it questions where 'we' have gone and what we have become versus what we used to be... sometimes we have to forced ourselves to 'waste some time' for we travel too fast and never stop to enjoy the small things in life.
So stroll I shall by cool, meandrous stream
to step by measured step my soul redeem. - like I said before, I love these rhymes! The word choices are great 'meandrous' 'measured' and 'redeem' are beautiful, conveying a sense of coolness, freedom, and peace; this is a perfect ending to the sonnet, showing the reader that the speaker did indeed stop by the stream, and in doing so, slowly the soul was redeemed and refreshed.
Great work!! absolutely beautiful and lovely... the thoughts are wonderful! I loved this :) All the best, Jen
Comment Written 24-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2010
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Jen, when I saw what poem had received a six, I had to click on the title to see what the poem was - what a delightful surprise. I haven't thought of this poem in ages. What a lovely Thanksgiving present you have given me, young lady. You are really a joy :-) Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Brooke :-)
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you're welcome! I really enjoyed this one :)
Comment from Mischief's Momma
I'm with you! All this cold stuff stinks.
I like that here in Georgia we only get to taste winter for a little while and then it goes back up to the 60's and 70's. But this year we have taken many more tastes of the cold than usual. I'm over it - let the spring begin.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2009
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I'm with you! All this cold stuff stinks.
I like that here in Georgia we only get to taste winter for a little while and then it goes back up to the 60's and 70's. But this year we have taken many more tastes of the cold than usual. I'm over it - let the spring begin.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2009
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Amen, sister! Thanks ever so much, Brooke
Comment from JoAnna Lee
I'm daydreaming of daffodils, too. Yes, too often we get all wrapped up, keeping to task... and forget to simply take a little time to appreciate life. Well Done!
Thanks for sharing,
Donna
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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I'm daydreaming of daffodils, too. Yes, too often we get all wrapped up, keeping to task... and forget to simply take a little time to appreciate life. Well Done!
Thanks for sharing,
Donna
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Donna, thank you!! Brooke
Comment from MercyWrites
Very strong words it brings the poems to life. Your poem has a story to tell. The second stanza reminds me of my own life especially the line about staying on task least I should dissappoint. What I came away with from the poem is the character want to enjoy life more.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Very strong words it brings the poems to life. Your poem has a story to tell. The second stanza reminds me of my own life especially the line about staying on task least I should dissappoint. What I came away with from the poem is the character want to enjoy life more.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Many of us have needed to slow down and get out of the rat race - thanks so much for your thoughtful comments, Brooke
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You're so right about the rat race. God bless.
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hi Brooke, I haven't been on here much lately (hope I got your name right).
Great poem expressing your feelings. I'm sure many others feel the same way. I grew up near Puyallup, Washington. Every April they hold a huge "Daffodil Parade". It starts in Tacoma at 10AM, then moves to Puyallup where it begins at 1PM, and eventually wends its way through Sumner. Rumor has it that the Orting HS marching band, their town float, and their fire truck proceed to that tiny town as well. The parade is about two hours long at each location (except Orting, of course). I live a long ways from Puyallup and Tacoma now, so I content myself with daffodils and tulips in my flower beds.
Again, just jawboning.
Nice poem.
Ray
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Hi Brooke, I haven't been on here much lately (hope I got your name right).
Great poem expressing your feelings. I'm sure many others feel the same way. I grew up near Puyallup, Washington. Every April they hold a huge "Daffodil Parade". It starts in Tacoma at 10AM, then moves to Puyallup where it begins at 1PM, and eventually wends its way through Sumner. Rumor has it that the Orting HS marching band, their town float, and their fire truck proceed to that tiny town as well. The parade is about two hours long at each location (except Orting, of course). I live a long ways from Puyallup and Tacoma now, so I content myself with daffodils and tulips in my flower beds.
Again, just jawboning.
Nice poem.
Ray
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Yes, my name is Brooke - I bet Washington especially welcomes spring with the harsh winters they can get, like this year. Thanks for sharing that. Brooke
Comment from Kym Jade
A place of peace and harmony can be so renewing and can give us strength to face what the future can hold:It doesn't matter if it is in reality or in our mind.
A beautiful poem and wonderful imagery.
Love and blessings
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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A place of peace and harmony can be so renewing and can give us strength to face what the future can hold:It doesn't matter if it is in reality or in our mind.
A beautiful poem and wonderful imagery.
Love and blessings
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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You are most kind - another positive review - thank you!! Brooke
Comment from chaswriter
Brooke - You need to move to Florida where yesterday's temps were from a low of 50 to a high of 65. It's rainy cold (45) today but that is an exception. Loved the rhyme and the flow of the poem. Charlie
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Brooke - You need to move to Florida where yesterday's temps were from a low of 50 to a high of 65. It's rainy cold (45) today but that is an exception. Loved the rhyme and the flow of the poem. Charlie
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Charlie - Friday we are supposed to have a windchill of 0. Florida looks better every day! Thanks, Brooke
Comment from DrCarter2001
Very beautiful. I agree with you about winter getting out of here already. One suggestion: you say "My pride has been to follow a straight line," but this suggests that you're proud that you've done this. Do you mean to say "My pride has kept me on a straight line"? I tried reading again to see which you meant and I'm still not sure.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Very beautiful. I agree with you about winter getting out of here already. One suggestion: you say "My pride has been to follow a straight line," but this suggests that you're proud that you've done this. Do you mean to say "My pride has kept me on a straight line"? I tried reading again to see which you meant and I'm still not sure.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Well, it is to imply the speaker has been proud of it up until she/he had this revelation. It is not actually a confessional poem. Thank you for your kind comments and input, Brooke
Comment from grassroots08
I am with ya in this one. It is a most thoughtful piece. Thanks for penning these lines. Your daffodils await you this I promise, as sure as they were planted in the fall, they will arrive on time. grassroots08
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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I am with ya in this one. It is a most thoughtful piece. Thanks for penning these lines. Your daffodils await you this I promise, as sure as they were planted in the fall, they will arrive on time. grassroots08
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Yes, they do always arrive, a most reassuring thought. Thank you, Brooke
Comment from PatriciaLiteHickman
I can so relate to this first line! great presentation; well written; thought provoking too; appreciate the referenced poetry too; I am choosing to consider winter as half over as we steel ourselves for the bitter cold almost upon Wisconsin :-)
a good reminder to stop a moment and enjoy a bit of beauty :-)
no corrections of course!
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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I can so relate to this first line! great presentation; well written; thought provoking too; appreciate the referenced poetry too; I am choosing to consider winter as half over as we steel ourselves for the bitter cold almost upon Wisconsin :-)
a good reminder to stop a moment and enjoy a bit of beauty :-)
no corrections of course!
Comment Written 13-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2009
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Wisconsin is even colder and snowier than PA - God bless you!
Thank you, Brooke
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Thank you so much! I just am praying overtime the pipes don't burst and the furnace keeps doing the right thing; We live in a mobile home so that makes it scarier. Blessings, Tricia
