Realization
Just my thoughts.9 total reviews
Comment from justmade
It is how it is these days Mike. People do things with a lot more caution than they normally would. I am not saying it is right because some really over do it and in the end like you said deny themselves of some very wonderful things.
Well written Mike. You are a Great guy!.
Happy 2009.
Much love,
Justmade.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2009
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It is how it is these days Mike. People do things with a lot more caution than they normally would. I am not saying it is right because some really over do it and in the end like you said deny themselves of some very wonderful things.
Well written Mike. You are a Great guy!.
Happy 2009.
Much love,
Justmade.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2009
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Yea! I was like that and finally allowed my heart to talk to me. Believe me you, I am by no circumstances advocating throuwing caution to the wind. With my life in relationships to women, I am lucky to remain standing. But that element of faith, of trying, it strains my heart. Perhaps in the realm of poetry, that is where I fit in...
... To encourage a better way. Both men and women need this. Here, I would love to see a love realized. If not, perhaps in heaven. I appreciate your compliment of being a Great gy, but my thoughts are in making people see the better.
I really appreciat the compliments and this review, I also thank you for them too. I am about two hours in to the new year and right where I want to be. God bless!
Comment from Twomoon
Mike, hello and a nice poem...hoping she will read this and go out! your glass flute needs to be bigger!! haha...your words and your poetic expression of passion was very lovely and I enjoyed it..gotta run...hugs and much love twomoon...thanks for the tea
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2008
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Mike, hello and a nice poem...hoping she will read this and go out! your glass flute needs to be bigger!! haha...your words and your poetic expression of passion was very lovely and I enjoyed it..gotta run...hugs and much love twomoon...thanks for the tea
Comment Written 29-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2008
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That ain't the problem. lol No not really anymore. It's just been one of those years and as if, I have a duty to say something. This year, I have been sad, but not for myself, for those that I care for so much. I'm more or less spiritually guided on this; a little deeper then a feeling. I guess it also involves directness and honesty, but I feel there is no way to prove myself because it is them who has lost faith. At times decency. I took some jabs with this one, but it is OK. Check out some of my other poems when you get a chance.
Thanks for reviewing this. Mike
Comment from Navarre
Interesting. The change of pace and rhyme throws me off, but technically speaking this is sound. Grey and white though? Grey is a popular color for backgrounds, but do you feel it adequately describes your emotions?
Good read.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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Interesting. The change of pace and rhyme throws me off, but technically speaking this is sound. Grey and white though? Grey is a popular color for backgrounds, but do you feel it adequately describes your emotions?
Good read.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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No gray is not used for my emotions, but to convey that fog talked about in that peom. I thank you for your review. Mike
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi Mike,
Your emotions and feelings are so clear in this one. More often than not, these days there are many out there who have had bad experiences and are afraid to reach out in friendship for fear of where it may lead. It is a sad but true. You have expressed well your feelings and I hope that things change for you. Thank you for sharing and God bless and best wishes!
mtngalofnc
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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Hi Mike,
Your emotions and feelings are so clear in this one. More often than not, these days there are many out there who have had bad experiences and are afraid to reach out in friendship for fear of where it may lead. It is a sad but true. You have expressed well your feelings and I hope that things change for you. Thank you for sharing and God bless and best wishes!
mtngalofnc
Comment Written 28-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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That's what makes me sad, I am not sad for myself, but them and wished that I had enough trust to be able to help in a way that we both would need. I do understand their feelings as I have them too, but just decided that the faith of a new relationship requires me to keep that slate clean. I thank you for the compliments, the understanding and this review. Have a great new year ahead, Mike K2
Comment from daviwake
I was going to say this has some good points - and then found it difficult to find many. I should perhaps skip this, but I am not going to.
It is rather self indulgent. The author notes are distracting - the poem should speak for itself.
It's not free verse, because there is some sort of rhyming scheme, though it is not consistent. There is no regular rhythmic pattern though.
How can I show you
that I say what I mean?
How can I cut though
your created foggy screen?
Ok - except for "created foggy" It would read much better if you missed out "created"
How can I show you
that I say what I mean?
How can I cut though
your foggy screen?
Because it now scans. Too many syllables in the last line before that.
"I don't spend time,
with co-workers, friends
and neighbors out of policy.
Then how can I get you
to spend a little time with me?
Not very poetic really. "out of policy" and " a little time with me" is a pretty lame rhyme to be honest. "co-workers" jangles.
Having to be fiercely independent,
as we work in this hectic world.
Maybe I am the one with the love
and understanding that can
make for a relationship to herald.
The rhymes have gone here and the last line of this section doesn't mean much.
You have published this poem in the public domain. You are inviting comment not just praise. I find it self indulgent. I should have skipped it.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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I was going to say this has some good points - and then found it difficult to find many. I should perhaps skip this, but I am not going to.
It is rather self indulgent. The author notes are distracting - the poem should speak for itself.
It's not free verse, because there is some sort of rhyming scheme, though it is not consistent. There is no regular rhythmic pattern though.
How can I show you
that I say what I mean?
How can I cut though
your created foggy screen?
Ok - except for "created foggy" It would read much better if you missed out "created"
How can I show you
that I say what I mean?
How can I cut though
your foggy screen?
Because it now scans. Too many syllables in the last line before that.
"I don't spend time,
with co-workers, friends
and neighbors out of policy.
Then how can I get you
to spend a little time with me?
Not very poetic really. "out of policy" and " a little time with me" is a pretty lame rhyme to be honest. "co-workers" jangles.
Having to be fiercely independent,
as we work in this hectic world.
Maybe I am the one with the love
and understanding that can
make for a relationship to herald.
The rhymes have gone here and the last line of this section doesn't mean much.
You have published this poem in the public domain. You are inviting comment not just praise. I find it self indulgent. I should have skipped it.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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I am sorry, it wasn't designed to be self induldgent. Just to try to use the experience to say that perhaps there is a better way to perceive things.
Comment from lovemyta
I can feel the hurt coming through your words in your poem. It hurts to be rejected especially after two years of knowing someone. I would feel the same way. I gave you a four because I feel the rhythm and needs some work. You have a lot of good points that you need to say and they are directed accordingly, but I feel some work with syllable count would help your poem out. I hope things get better for you.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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I can feel the hurt coming through your words in your poem. It hurts to be rejected especially after two years of knowing someone. I would feel the same way. I gave you a four because I feel the rhythm and needs some work. You have a lot of good points that you need to say and they are directed accordingly, but I feel some work with syllable count would help your poem out. I hope things get better for you.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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It's not really hurt. To be honest, I am used to this. Many of the people I know for longer. It's a trend that I find disturbing, that's all.
Comment from adewpearl
fears of the futures why futures instead of future?
you think yo know my motives yo should be you
to being interested with you interested in you?
Mike, a woman gets to a certain age and has lots and lots and lots of baggage - obviously this woman has been let down, disappointed, misused, lied to, cheated on, hurt in who knows how many ways - and her rejection of your request has just about nothing to do with you. Your poetic response to her makes so many good points, but some women find it almost impossible to let down their defenses after a certain number of bad risks backfiring on them. Your poem conveys your feelings extremely well.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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fears of the futures why futures instead of future?
you think yo know my motives yo should be you
to being interested with you interested in you?
Mike, a woman gets to a certain age and has lots and lots and lots of baggage - obviously this woman has been let down, disappointed, misused, lied to, cheated on, hurt in who knows how many ways - and her rejection of your request has just about nothing to do with you. Your poetic response to her makes so many good points, but some women find it almost impossible to let down their defenses after a certain number of bad risks backfiring on them. Your poem conveys your feelings extremely well.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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I went through absolute hell and total financial destrutiion, ironicly because my employer went back on his work chiding me as a professional sucker. I am taking a break, but it is not merely the one woman. That was my whole point, it has been a variety of my experiences that lead to my poem.
I don't know, maybe it has been some tough decisions and committments with mountaineering and caving. Sort of life and death at times, but I learned faith in those decisions. Realizing that you have to hold belief that the decisions at the time was the best. With the end of my marriage, I realized that I for the next person, that slate must be wiped clean. If I didn't, I'd be a unic and never able to provide anyone with an amount of love.
I thank you for this review. Mike
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oh, I meant that lots of women who have gotten to a certain age have had multiple bad experiences - after a horrific marriage experience, I didn't date for 15 years, also because I did not want to deal with the whole step parent problem with growing children, and then I started to date again and after about 9 months of bad experiences all over again, I just gave up. It is not that I think all guys out there are going to be bastards, but I've developed a belief I somehow am a magnet to the bad ones - I think lots of other women have come to the same conclusion. It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all is a glorious statement when one is young, but after enough crushing experiences, one becomes very protective of one's heart. I think you've run into a bunch of protective women.
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I agree with your last sentence, but there good women. I know about crushing experiences as mine start at 17 with the loss of my sweetheart. I didn't date until I was 30 and that one was a bad one, then my marriage. Woman run amuck. In between, there weren't very many people that I wanted to be with and those went crazily worng. I blamed myself, the realized while I made mistakes, they weren't that bad.
To a large extend, my mother influenced my thinking as the elderly couples did that were married for so long. I think establishing a friendship is the best route as little by little, you get to know the other and become friends as well as lovers. In this society there is a habit of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I would rather have things broken off and be told that I am not the one and still keep that sembelance of friendship, but very othen it seems easier for them to walk away without explanation.
Enjoyed the talk, Mike
Comment from TimidView
I thought you captured the internet 'dating/friending/loneliness/closeness' experience very well.
My favorite lines were these:
"Your little cricket in the cage,
until you step on him or
set him free."
In the next stanza, I think this is a mistyping incident:
"You think 'yo' know"
It's a good poem overall.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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I thought you captured the internet 'dating/friending/loneliness/closeness' experience very well.
My favorite lines were these:
"Your little cricket in the cage,
until you step on him or
set him free."
In the next stanza, I think this is a mistyping incident:
"You think 'yo' know"
It's a good poem overall.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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So much for the spell checker. I fixed that. This wasn't expressly about internet relationships, though it stands to reason. It is about the hesitency to enjoy a moment in any situation. I thank you for the compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from Artasylum
mike first let me apologize for my gender and especially this one's very rude and unfeeling thoughts...all i can say is keep believing there is good out there...yours, diana
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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mike first let me apologize for my gender and especially this one's very rude and unfeeling thoughts...all i can say is keep believing there is good out there...yours, diana
Comment Written 28-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2008
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Well, my first thought was producing this poem in a totally mocking and patronizing manner, pissing off every woman in the world and never having a chance. lol We all have our rude and unfeeling thoughts, but you have always been a friend and sweetheart to me. It's just with this aspect, I see better with a minor change that can be made.
I see the good out there, perhaps it just needs a little cajoling. Perhaps my life is unique, but I have far more intamacy with married women. Obiviously we don't spend time together, but on a day to day basis it is there. I am also in good relations with the husbands. I think perhaps it is the underlining qualities that make their relationships a sucess.
I have a long list of responses and reasons, I must after their money, just trying to be funny, I don't have what they want me to give, or off all of the claims, I lack humor and am too stiff. lol Sorry.
I thank you for the review and please of all people not to take this personally is you.
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i never would mike...i get you and your thoughts...luv, di
