The Eye of God
A modern sonnet about the homeless102 total reviews
Comment from Jean Lutz
This is a chilling reminder to us to remember the cast aways, especially at the time we celebrate Jesus coming to earth to dwell among us. Oh the stories these people could tell!
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
  |
This is a chilling reminder to us to remember the cast aways, especially at the time we celebrate Jesus coming to earth to dwell among us. Oh the stories these people could tell!
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
-
Jean, thank you for finding the meaning in my poem, Brooke
Comment from PatriciaLiteHickman
Bravo! lately i'm on a mission for homeless teens too; it's a travesity and world wide problem i think; well written; no corrections;
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
|
Bravo! lately i'm on a mission for homeless teens too; it's a travesity and world wide problem i think; well written; no corrections;
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
-
what a great cause to embrace! thank you, Brooke
Comment from cmay44
Hi my friend,
Another of your lovely works only with a very sad truth. I've been in prison ministry for years and many times they aren't accepted when they get out and before you know it, the street is their home. I've taken several in and helped them get on their feet and by the grace of God they have all made it. SO far it's always been a blessing.
Thanks for reminding your readers of these dear ones and especially this time of year.
God bless
Carolyn
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
|
Hi my friend,
Another of your lovely works only with a very sad truth. I've been in prison ministry for years and many times they aren't accepted when they get out and before you know it, the street is their home. I've taken several in and helped them get on their feet and by the grace of God they have all made it. SO far it's always been a blessing.
Thanks for reminding your readers of these dear ones and especially this time of year.
God bless
Carolyn
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
-
Carolyn, thanks so much! Brooke
Comment from Mapleson
The closing couplet does not rhyme, which I feel distracts the reader from the closing message.
Eloquent word choice and strong structure.
Warm Regards,
Mapleson
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
 |
The closing couplet does not rhyme, which I feel distracts the reader from the closing message.
Eloquent word choice and strong structure.
Warm Regards,
Mapleson
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
-
thank you, Brooke
Comment from KelinaJ
Nice presentation and color scheme. Good use of rhythm and rhyme. Nice line flow. A sad description of such unfortunate people. So sad questions.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
|
Nice presentation and color scheme. Good use of rhythm and rhyme. Nice line flow. A sad description of such unfortunate people. So sad questions.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
-
Kelina, thank you! Brooke
Comment from luna
This modern sonnet truly does make a powerful statement. I can't write sonnets, my hat is off to you. Very dramatic imagery contained in these words. Thanks for posting, I'm glad I read this. I wrote a free verse about a homeless man once but I can't remember the name of it to tell you! If I remember I'll PM you, it was a fairly decent shot at a poem. This one made me think of it.
Love,
Jenny *smile*
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
|
This modern sonnet truly does make a powerful statement. I can't write sonnets, my hat is off to you. Very dramatic imagery contained in these words. Thanks for posting, I'm glad I read this. I wrote a free verse about a homeless man once but I can't remember the name of it to tell you! If I remember I'll PM you, it was a fairly decent shot at a poem. This one made me think of it.
Love,
Jenny *smile*
Comment Written 09-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2008
-
thanks - I'd love to read your poem if you tell me how to find it! You're most kind, Brooke
Comment from Chris Edwards
Hi Pearl, Sorry I have been away for a while. I found this piece a little confusing??...are you feeelig sorry for the homeless here or are you putting them down?? it is unclear.
feel free (as I said regarding the loss of your husband) to read through my portfolio and my poem 'outside' in my portfolio. sorry but I do not know what your point is here,normally I can tell from the off.
Best wishes,
Chris.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
|
Hi Pearl, Sorry I have been away for a while. I found this piece a little confusing??...are you feeelig sorry for the homeless here or are you putting them down?? it is unclear.
feel free (as I said regarding the loss of your husband) to read through my portfolio and my poem 'outside' in my portfolio. sorry but I do not know what your point is here,normally I can tell from the off.
Best wishes,
Chris.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
-
I'm totally confused as to how it is not crystal clear what my point of view is - it has been crystal clear to everyone else - where in the world do I say anything that would make you think I am putting these people down? Where do I say anything that doesn't clearly indict the people for casting people like this aside? I could understand your saying you don't like a rhyme or the meter is off or some word seemed out of place, but I'm flabbergasted that you did not get my point.
-
Normally Pearl I do, but on this occasion I don't (regardless of what other people think) I am not one to be bullied into changing my mark but I will take another look tomorrow and maybe I will see it differntley as I am tired.It is 04.47 here in the U.K.
Best I can do.
Chris.
-
I have already read and reviewed your poem outside when I went to your portfolio my review was already there. I did not write what I said because I have any desire to bully you into changing a rating - I said it because I was insulted that you might think I was putting people down and I was honestly mystified that I had said anything that could be in any way misconstrued that way. Working with the homeless is one of my main missions in life, and as you will see if you reread my review of your poem, I consider quite a few homeless people to be my friends. I reacted out of pure emotion. What someone rates my poem is of so little importance compared to how I feel about this. I am absolutely proud of this piece and the stand I have taken in it.
-
I am so sorry as I have re-read your poem and updated my mark...I do not know what I was thinking as it was clearly plain for all to see what you was meaning. I am a regretful idiot Pearl. Please accept my apologies.I am sorry.
Best wishes.
Chris.
-
Your apology is accepted - no problem. It was probably exactly what you said - it was very late at night and you were tired. It was also late here and I was easily irritated. :-) Brooke
Comment from NightWriter
"The Eye of God" is the most well told sonnet I have ever read. Speaks the truth about the homeless, what have they done to deserve their fate. From what I have learned, most are mentally ill or veternans with no place to go. What does it say about our capitalistic society that leaves the sick out in the cold to fend for themselves? Poem had perfect rhythm and reads smooth from beginning to end. Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
|
"The Eye of God" is the most well told sonnet I have ever read. Speaks the truth about the homeless, what have they done to deserve their fate. From what I have learned, most are mentally ill or veternans with no place to go. What does it say about our capitalistic society that leaves the sick out in the cold to fend for themselves? Poem had perfect rhythm and reads smooth from beginning to end. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
-
Yes, about a third are mentally ill, others are mentally challenged, physically disabled, old, children, runaways from abuse, laid off from low level jobs, refugees from burned out apartment buildings, you name it! And many are veterans of our armed forces, which is just unacceptable as combat experiences left many of them with traumatic mental disorders that should be treated by the damned government!
Thank you so much for your most understanding review. Brooke
-
I agree. Thanks for writing that poem.
NW
Comment from skye
The homeless ... so tragic, such a terrible commentary on how our society functions and how we are uncharitable to those who need us the most.
Beautiful lines, with strength and power.
Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
|
The homeless ... so tragic, such a terrible commentary on how our society functions and how we are uncharitable to those who need us the most.
Beautiful lines, with strength and power.
Well done.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
-
Skye, thank you so much for your compassionate understanding of what I am saying, Brooke
Comment from dportwood
adewpearl,
Several 'homeless' writings have shown up on this site of late and each one tells a tale of sadness of those less fortunate. Some have lost good jobs, some are veterans, some have health problems. All are in states of more or less hopelessness. Too bad our society can't (or won't) provide for them.
Throwaway women, disposable men.
Duane
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
|
adewpearl,
Several 'homeless' writings have shown up on this site of late and each one tells a tale of sadness of those less fortunate. Some have lost good jobs, some are veterans, some have health problems. All are in states of more or less hopelessness. Too bad our society can't (or won't) provide for them.
Throwaway women, disposable men.
Duane
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
-
Duane, thank you so much, Brooke
