There Will Be A Day
Seven different stories within a song.63 total reviews
Comment from Summer Falls
This is a very emotional and poignant story (stories really) I wish you the best in the contest. Your dialogue carried the story forward, making it easy to follow. Great job.
summergirl
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009
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This is a very emotional and poignant story (stories really) I wish you the best in the contest. Your dialogue carried the story forward, making it easy to follow. Great job.
summergirl
Comment Written 05-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much, Summergirl. Glad you enjoyed this.
Hugs,
Jan
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You are welcome.
Comment from Freeflyer
So many turmoil's, so much grief. We are all affected by it in some form at some time. Some people have more dept to their grief so often we cannot understand or relate to another's pain. For example I feel the loss of a loved one is something we all experience but to be one of those little starving children in your story is something I feel very sick about but could never relate too as like you & I most of us even if poor have never been that destitute. Your story is heart wrenching and thought provoking.
Happy New year.
Freeflyer
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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So many turmoil's, so much grief. We are all affected by it in some form at some time. Some people have more dept to their grief so often we cannot understand or relate to another's pain. For example I feel the loss of a loved one is something we all experience but to be one of those little starving children in your story is something I feel very sick about but could never relate too as like you & I most of us even if poor have never been that destitute. Your story is heart wrenching and thought provoking.
Happy New year.
Freeflyer
Comment Written 05-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from EllenV
Jan, this is a very emotional read. When I am finished writing this review, I will visit your website to listen to the song.
So much sadness and tragedy described in this story. Although this is fiction, it is all too true for many. I whole heartedly agree. Jesus, our Savior, is the answer.
blessings,
ellen
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Jan, this is a very emotional read. When I am finished writing this review, I will visit your website to listen to the song.
So much sadness and tragedy described in this story. Although this is fiction, it is all too true for many. I whole heartedly agree. Jesus, our Savior, is the answer.
blessings,
ellen
Comment Written 04-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much, Ellen. I do so appreciate your wonderful review.
Jan
Comment from DrCarter2001
Nicely written Janilou, and a creative demonstration of your faith. Just a couple of minor nits to call to your attention:
In the second line, I'd change it to "She pleads with him." Otherwise it feels like she's been pleading for some time and he suddenly collapses without clear reason.
Instead of "White pasted gruel", I'd suggest just "pasty gruel".
A nice collection of related but unique stories.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2009
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Nicely written Janilou, and a creative demonstration of your faith. Just a couple of minor nits to call to your attention:
In the second line, I'd change it to "She pleads with him." Otherwise it feels like she's been pleading for some time and he suddenly collapses without clear reason.
Instead of "White pasted gruel", I'd suggest just "pasty gruel".
A nice collection of related but unique stories.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much. What a great suggestion about the gruel, and also the pleading. I will make the changes. Much appreciated.
Glad you enjoyed the story.
Jani
Comment from Jenia
Interesting. I felt a little confused by some of the messages you were conveying. It may be simply a difference in interpreting theology. I did enjoy reading it and appreciate your sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2009
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Interesting. I felt a little confused by some of the messages you were conveying. It may be simply a difference in interpreting theology. I did enjoy reading it and appreciate your sharing.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2009
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Thank you for the day. The message is that while we all struggle on earth, there will be a day when we will no longer suffer, because we will be in heaven, where there is no pain, no fears, and no tears. I'm sorry to hear it was confusing to you, :-( , but I do certainly appreciate the review.
Hugs,
Jani
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Jani,
Sometimes I'm just too grounded. Your work was very good and I'm impressed that your thoughts are so deep. Thank you for opening my airhead. Happy New Year.
Comment from Jean Lutz
Hope expressed for all who will grasp it. Not the temporal hope that the world gives, but hope that springs eternal. May the seeds of this writing find their way to soil that will receive and may the Lord bring forth fruit.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2009
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Hope expressed for all who will grasp it. Not the temporal hope that the world gives, but hope that springs eternal. May the seeds of this writing find their way to soil that will receive and may the Lord bring forth fruit.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much. Your kind words are well received.
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from SherryHo
PROS:
A well written account of broken people in a broken world. The hopeless whose only hope is faith.
CONS:
Just Evil Eddie.
SUGGESTIONS:
None.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2009
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PROS:
A well written account of broken people in a broken world. The hopeless whose only hope is faith.
CONS:
Just Evil Eddie.
SUGGESTIONS:
None.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much! I very much appreciate your kind words.
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from AlvinTEthington
This is a beautiful poem about hope. It goes very well with the writing prompt contest I initiated about facing death with dignity. The faith comes through very clearly. The series of vignettes, although somewhat unconnected, work well, because they are connected by themes of death and hope. Good job.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2009
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This is a beautiful poem about hope. It goes very well with the writing prompt contest I initiated about facing death with dignity. The faith comes through very clearly. The series of vignettes, although somewhat unconnected, work well, because they are connected by themes of death and hope. Good job.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much, Al. I was quite shocked to discover it was chosen as a nominee for Story of the Month. I am thrilled to know you enjoyed it. That means a lot to me.
Hugs,
Jani
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I'll try to look at all the nominees; I have a week, right? On another note, would you consider entering my contest "Gay Love and Straight Love"? I think you would do well writing scripts. It can be only one scene. But I need five entries and right now there are only two reservations.
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Oh, Al, I can't write scripts! Apart from that, I don't have $15 member dollars for the entry fee! I see you are up to three entries. I am certain you will get the other two soon. If not, Tom will extend the deadline for you.
Hugs,
Jan
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Thanks. I think you would be perfect at writing scripts. They're just short stories with only dialogue! I set the fees for most of my contests fairly high, so people will put work into the contest. I am sure you understand. I am working on getting enough to enter the contest myself.
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I do understand, Al. I am frantically busy right now, and only check in on FanStory for a few minutes each day. I hope you get enough entries!
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from fayesh
You presented these short vignettes as examples of the trials much of humanity faces. Your song lyrics work well, if not for a resolution, to serve as the Chorus to the stories. In a sense, your stories are really one story - humanity needing humanity.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2008
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You presented these short vignettes as examples of the trials much of humanity faces. Your song lyrics work well, if not for a resolution, to serve as the Chorus to the stories. In a sense, your stories are really one story - humanity needing humanity.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2008
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Thank you so much. You are correct -- they are separate and yet they are one.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from Nescher Pyscher
I got nothing for you by way of critique or criticism, Jani. It's a beautiful piece. I don't know that it would work outside of Fanstory, but as long as your targeted reader got it.
:0)
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2008
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I got nothing for you by way of critique or criticism, Jani. It's a beautiful piece. I don't know that it would work outside of Fanstory, but as long as your targeted reader got it.
:0)
Comment Written 15-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2008
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THank you, Nescher. Why do you think it wouldn't work outside of FanStory?
Hugs,
Jan
