CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 140 "My Son Left Today"A collection of poetry
73 total reviews
Comment from SeaGargoyle
Touching and simple.
The momma bird lamenting in her nest.
Great, flowing rhyming.
Loved the second stanza, especially "My son left a strand
Of his wit, so deadpanned" - it truthfully portrays the way you see so many parents look at their grown children.
  |
Touching and simple.
The momma bird lamenting in her nest.
Great, flowing rhyming.
Loved the second stanza, especially "My son left a strand
Of his wit, so deadpanned" - it truthfully portrays the way you see so many parents look at their grown children.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
Comment from luna
While I enjoyed this poem, and know how you must feel having your son leave (I'm a mom too) I think that this poem could use some tightening up in its rhythm. There were a couple of places where I got tripped up while reading it aloud. Godspeed to your son.
Yours,
Luna *smile*
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
 |
While I enjoyed this poem, and know how you must feel having your son leave (I'm a mom too) I think that this poem could use some tightening up in its rhythm. There were a couple of places where I got tripped up while reading it aloud. Godspeed to your son.
Yours,
Luna *smile*
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
-
Luna, I certainly appreciate your very kind review. And for your critique, which I believe is valid. Need to revisit a couple of lines. I thank you for that. With regards, Sue
-
Luna, I really want to thank you for your critique. You were right. I went back and am SO much more pleased. (not looking for more "stars" here, just want to say I really appreciate it. I'm not struggling with it anymore). If you have time, it would be great to see what you think. Thanks again, Sue
Comment from jamar2
lovely piece about your son going home after thanks giving, hope this piece does well for you in the comp. well done.
jamar.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
|
lovely piece about your son going home after thanks giving, hope this piece does well for you in the comp. well done.
jamar.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
-
jamar, thank you so much for your well-wishes in the contest and for this most generous review. With regards, Sue
Comment from Valerie Julia Ann
This poem is very sad. I detect a loss. At first I thought of death because of flying over the land, but then he could be in a plane, maybe to Iraq. I don't know what "G Day" is, and I'm from Illinois. Forgive my ignorance. The poem is a wonderful tribute to your son, and wherever he is, I hope he returns soon. Thank you for sharing. Well written.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
|
This poem is very sad. I detect a loss. At first I thought of death because of flying over the land, but then he could be in a plane, maybe to Iraq. I don't know what "G Day" is, and I'm from Illinois. Forgive my ignorance. The poem is a wonderful tribute to your son, and wherever he is, I hope he returns soon. Thank you for sharing. Well written.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
-
Valerie, I thank you for your very kind review. Just to let you know the G'day is Australian slang for "good day". I bet it has come to you now! ha! Our whole family lived in chicago suburbs and we all reminisce about those great times. Thank you for your very kind thoughts, also. With regards, Sue
Comment from c_lucas
A very well written poem with a very good cadence. It is an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
|
A very well written poem with a very good cadence. It is an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
-
Charlie, thanks very much for your kind review. And for commenting on the cadence. Most appreciated....Sue
-
You're welome, Sue. Charlie
Comment from starman
G'Day to you. That was a pleasing verse. The pride and joy of a mother's love for her son was very evident. Nicely done and Happy Thanksgiving.
:)s
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
|
G'Day to you. That was a pleasing verse. The pride and joy of a mother's love for her son was very evident. Nicely done and Happy Thanksgiving.
:)s
Comment Written 02-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
-
starman, and a g'day to you! ha! Glad you liked that verse. So glad you liked this piece. I appreciate your generous review. Regards, Sue
Comment from Kingsland
I liked the flow and poetic phrases in this write. Your form and format was just about perfect for this piece.You also have some very good rhyming structure in this. I liked everything about this well written verse.This was my pleasure to have read and reviewed it... John
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
|
I liked the flow and poetic phrases in this write. Your form and format was just about perfect for this piece.You also have some very good rhyming structure in this. I liked everything about this well written verse.This was my pleasure to have read and reviewed it... John
Comment Written 02-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2008
-
John, very nice to hear your very specific comments. Always appreciated. And I thank you for your very generous review! With regards, Sue
Comment from JoAnna Lee
Very nicely done! I know those feelings... when my daughter leaves. Well written. Good luck in the contest.
Thanks for sharing,
Donna
|
Very nicely done! I know those feelings... when my daughter leaves. Well written. Good luck in the contest.
Thanks for sharing,
Donna
Comment Written 02-Dec-2008
Comment from Curt Mongold
My only son died shortly after he was born in 1998. I can only imagine the feelings you have of watching your son leave (again) but you words are an apt description for me to feel that pang of seperation.
Great entry.
Sincerely,
Curt
|
My only son died shortly after he was born in 1998. I can only imagine the feelings you have of watching your son leave (again) but you words are an apt description for me to feel that pang of seperation.
Great entry.
Sincerely,
Curt
Comment Written 02-Dec-2008
Comment from jenelleish
This is indeed a very good poem. Well written and very meaningful. You said words that can be felt by mothers :-) Thanks for sharing this lovely poem for us to read.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2008
|
This is indeed a very good poem. Well written and very meaningful. You said words that can be felt by mothers :-) Thanks for sharing this lovely poem for us to read.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2008
-
Thank you for your very kind review. I'm glad you liked it. We "moms" know! With regards, Sue
