A Medley of Memories
Holiday Memories Come in All Sizes and Shapes35 total reviews
Comment from hvysmker
In the end, I decided on a Medley of Memories, paired down to three that I hope are large enough to cover the unique ambience of Holiday memories.
*** ambiance
That's the only error I could find. The story brought tears to my eye, but came at a most inopportune moment for me. I believe that my old cat is in the process of dying right now.
She's about 25 years old and can hardly walk, though she doesn't seem in pain. Yesterday and last night she didn't eat anything and I tried her favorite foods.
This morning she didn't get up to greet me. An hour ago, she drank some water, then collapsed beside the couch, and was cold to the touch. I thought she was dead but was waiting to make certain. A few minutes ago, I looked and she's moved behind the couch and doesn't respond when I talk to her. I fear she's crawled back there to die. I've found they usually prefer dying alone. I might be surprised to see her come out and act normally, but don't expect it.
Charlie
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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In the end, I decided on a Medley of Memories, paired down to three that I hope are large enough to cover the unique ambience of Holiday memories.
*** ambiance
That's the only error I could find. The story brought tears to my eye, but came at a most inopportune moment for me. I believe that my old cat is in the process of dying right now.
She's about 25 years old and can hardly walk, though she doesn't seem in pain. Yesterday and last night she didn't eat anything and I tried her favorite foods.
This morning she didn't get up to greet me. An hour ago, she drank some water, then collapsed beside the couch, and was cold to the touch. I thought she was dead but was waiting to make certain. A few minutes ago, I looked and she's moved behind the couch and doesn't respond when I talk to her. I fear she's crawled back there to die. I've found they usually prefer dying alone. I might be surprised to see her come out and act normally, but don't expect it.
Charlie
Comment Written 30-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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I'm so sorry for grief at the loss of your cat. I believe pets, like everything and everyone else, come into our lives for a reason. You'll be on my mind today and good thoughts are in the air. ann
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She came back out and had a hard time scrambling onto the couch, and is now sleeping, I hope. Still, she's much worse than yesterday, lost in her own world and not even coming over to me.
Charlie
Comment from Lady & Louis
Ann, this is a wonderful medley and takes the reader through so many emotions: the sorrow and anger of your first Christmas without your mother, and the lightening that came with that poor denuded tree; the simple pleasure of time with Savannah, and the moving story of Kathleen's life and imminent departure for the next part of it. The structure of the piece, the language and the warmth make this a very memorable read, and you have some fine phrases indeed - particularly in the last section, and "where light has the last word".
The four is a preliminary mark, so to speak, because there is a fair bit of spag, more than I'd expect in one of your essays. Needless to say, I'll be happy to re-rate once the tweaking has been done!
My resentment and outrage at the circumstance in which we found ourselves - "circumstances", I think
"Let's get a tree!" We said in unison. - speech tag, so lower case for "we"
looked as if it would be easy cut. - suggest "easy to cut" or "easily cut".
Finally, it was laying on the ground, - lying (laying is what hens do)
We remembered presents we received in years passed, - past
and John filled with chocolate covered cherries. - filled it with
My granddaughter, Jessie, joined us this year - full stop
everyone teased Mary and I about needing some time in separate rooms - Mary and me (if unsure, write it without "Mary" to see if it should be me or I)
About six o-clock, everyone began to leave. - o'clock
and scrambled under the covers." - delete quote mark
and everybody, completely lost track of Sponge Bob - suggest "and completely lost" or "completely losing" (though that might get you a smack for changing tenses!)
Through that friend, she met Kathleen - Kathleen,
We've been to mid-night masses, - midnight (possibly Midnight Masses, if you're using it as the proper name)
not-so-good days....much as everyone else's. - the ellipsis should be space, three dots, space.
Thank you for posting this fine piece, and good luck in the contest!
Louise :)))
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Second reading: five it is!
Louise :)))
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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Ann, this is a wonderful medley and takes the reader through so many emotions: the sorrow and anger of your first Christmas without your mother, and the lightening that came with that poor denuded tree; the simple pleasure of time with Savannah, and the moving story of Kathleen's life and imminent departure for the next part of it. The structure of the piece, the language and the warmth make this a very memorable read, and you have some fine phrases indeed - particularly in the last section, and "where light has the last word".
The four is a preliminary mark, so to speak, because there is a fair bit of spag, more than I'd expect in one of your essays. Needless to say, I'll be happy to re-rate once the tweaking has been done!
My resentment and outrage at the circumstance in which we found ourselves - "circumstances", I think
"Let's get a tree!" We said in unison. - speech tag, so lower case for "we"
looked as if it would be easy cut. - suggest "easy to cut" or "easily cut".
Finally, it was laying on the ground, - lying (laying is what hens do)
We remembered presents we received in years passed, - past
and John filled with chocolate covered cherries. - filled it with
My granddaughter, Jessie, joined us this year - full stop
everyone teased Mary and I about needing some time in separate rooms - Mary and me (if unsure, write it without "Mary" to see if it should be me or I)
About six o-clock, everyone began to leave. - o'clock
and scrambled under the covers." - delete quote mark
and everybody, completely lost track of Sponge Bob - suggest "and completely lost" or "completely losing" (though that might get you a smack for changing tenses!)
Through that friend, she met Kathleen - Kathleen,
We've been to mid-night masses, - midnight (possibly Midnight Masses, if you're using it as the proper name)
not-so-good days....much as everyone else's. - the ellipsis should be space, three dots, space.
Thank you for posting this fine piece, and good luck in the contest!
Louise :)))
===========================================
Second reading: five it is!
Louise :)))
Comment Written 30-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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Consider that spag repaired! I'll get on it right away and will let you know when it's eliminated. I wrote the story around midnight last night and should not have posted it until it was properly edited. Thanks. ann
Comment from billybilljoebob
I found no spelling errors. Mama was dead less than (I would you passed away, but anything other than dead) In this instance, dead doesn't sound right. It's too impersonal.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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I found no spelling errors. Mama was dead less than (I would you passed away, but anything other than dead) In this instance, dead doesn't sound right. It's too impersonal.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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You are probably right. My reason was to emphasize the finality of Mama's day-to-day physical presence in our lives. I was hoping for 'harsh' over 'impersonal'. I'll take another look at it. Thanks so much for your input, time and generous rating. ann
Comment from Moira's Amethyst
It's wonderful how natural you voice was in this piece. That was among my favorite things about your delivery. You followed through with excellent coordination by the flow and all other aspects. I have nothing to critique and noticed no spag issues. I thank you for sharing. Please, take care.
Poetry's Protege
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reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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It's wonderful how natural you voice was in this piece. That was among my favorite things about your delivery. You followed through with excellent coordination by the flow and all other aspects. I have nothing to critique and noticed no spag issues. I thank you for sharing. Please, take care.
Poetry's Protege
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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Thank you very much. I appreciate your time in reading and commenting. ann
Comment from adewpearl
We remembered presents we received we had received
we talked about how much momma liked had liked
it was laying on the ground it was lying
Ray and his family, who arrived add comma
your stories are all poignant and most appropriate to the holiday theme - your dialogue is good as are your character descriptions - you are a natural story-teller
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
|
We remembered presents we received we had received
we talked about how much momma liked had liked
it was laying on the ground it was lying
Ray and his family, who arrived add comma
your stories are all poignant and most appropriate to the holiday theme - your dialogue is good as are your character descriptions - you are a natural story-teller
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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Thanks so much. I will correct those spag issues. I posted the story about midnight last night and probably should have waited until this morning --after another read! I appreciate your time and comments. ann
