A Medley of Memories
Holiday Memories Come in All Sizes and Shapes35 total reviews
Comment from Moe Dylan
It was an enjoyable story that reminded me of my own family stories on Holidays. I like the way Ann takes us to emotional extremes. And it was quite visual. I would have liked more dialogue at times to get a sense of actually being there. But, overall it was a good story.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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It was an enjoyable story that reminded me of my own family stories on Holidays. I like the way Ann takes us to emotional extremes. And it was quite visual. I would have liked more dialogue at times to get a sense of actually being there. But, overall it was a good story.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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Thanks so much. I appreciate your comments. ann
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This is a good piece of writing,
the story clearly told and well
presented, making it easy to
follow and understand.
An enjoyable read,
Good luck with the contest,
Margaret.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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This is a good piece of writing,
the story clearly told and well
presented, making it easy to
follow and understand.
An enjoyable read,
Good luck with the contest,
Margaret.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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thank you so much! I appreciate your time in reading and in commenting --as well as your generous rating. ann
Comment from wirenut
Annmuma,
Three lovely vignettes from a long memory, filled with the thought of renewal and a better future which makes Him the reason for the season... (sorry about the cliche)
I prayed for months that my mother to recover or die before her birthday [to recover, or 'would recover'?]
shed a tear in our behalf and muttered some words [in our behalf, or 'on our behalf'?
these two tripped my reading , thought i would mention them
well done, good luck in the vote
rick
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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Annmuma,
Three lovely vignettes from a long memory, filled with the thought of renewal and a better future which makes Him the reason for the season... (sorry about the cliche)
I prayed for months that my mother to recover or die before her birthday [to recover, or 'would recover'?]
shed a tear in our behalf and muttered some words [in our behalf, or 'on our behalf'?
these two tripped my reading , thought i would mention them
well done, good luck in the vote
rick
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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I'm so glad you mentioned them so I can make immediate corrections. thanks for reading and commenting. ann
Comment from Judian James
How lovely Ann. "It was the first time we had really laughed a from-the-heart, "it's-just-so-funny-I-can't-stand-it" laugh since Mama died" This brought happy tears.
I lost my dad when I was sixteen. Oh, I remember those first holidays so vividly. The second story was charming.
Oh the sweetness of children. Your third story brought tears again. well done my friend. I loved them all.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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How lovely Ann. "It was the first time we had really laughed a from-the-heart, "it's-just-so-funny-I-can't-stand-it" laugh since Mama died" This brought happy tears.
I lost my dad when I was sixteen. Oh, I remember those first holidays so vividly. The second story was charming.
Oh the sweetness of children. Your third story brought tears again. well done my friend. I loved them all.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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Thanks so very much. Your encouragement mean more than you know. ann
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I feel the same way with you Ann.
Comment from nora arjuna
What a great effort, Ann, what great stories to share. I especially loved the first story as it reminded me of certain moments of my childhood days. The second story reminded me of my own large family, whenever we gather, we have triple of what you've had there! And the late night conversation reminded me of my late grandmother. Truly enjoyed this. All the best to you!
One suggestion, just a twist:
"No. Have you?" I replied.
"No," I replied. "Have you?"
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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What a great effort, Ann, what great stories to share. I especially loved the first story as it reminded me of certain moments of my childhood days. The second story reminded me of my own large family, whenever we gather, we have triple of what you've had there! And the late night conversation reminded me of my late grandmother. Truly enjoyed this. All the best to you!
One suggestion, just a twist:
"No. Have you?" I replied.
"No," I replied. "Have you?"
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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I'm so pleased you are on my fan list!!!!! Thanks so much for the lovely sixer and for the smile it added to my day. I appreciate your encouragement and support. ann
Comment from wierdgrace
This story reminded me of the death of my sister, tonight I have read such sad stories yet all have been written so well, as your is, the emotions,the characters, the terrible memories you endear. good luck in the contest, and Happy holidays, and prayers.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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This story reminded me of the death of my sister, tonight I have read such sad stories yet all have been written so well, as your is, the emotions,the characters, the terrible memories you endear. good luck in the contest, and Happy holidays, and prayers.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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Thank you. When I remember all the blessings of having had such a special mom for almost 13 years, the sad stuff seems so inconsequential in comparison. I was and am blessed beyond my wildest dreams.
Thanks so much for the excellent reviews and prayers and good thoughts also come your way. ann
Comment from WordPainter
Your stories are well written. The first one was my favorite, I liked the one about your Savannah also. The one about a special woman who ministered in your life is good too. You brought out the emotion and showed the events through each step.
Best wishes in the contest.
God bless you,
Lois
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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Your stories are well written. The first one was my favorite, I liked the one about your Savannah also. The one about a special woman who ministered in your life is good too. You brought out the emotion and showed the events through each step.
Best wishes in the contest.
God bless you,
Lois
Comment Written 30-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2008
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Thanks so much for the excellent review. I'm glad you stopped by to read my post and took the time to comment. ann
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You're welcome,
Lois
Comment from rmdelta
Ann,
What a wonderful story, so full of everything necessary for a Christmas story. Your narration is so very smooth it leads us effortlessly through the story easily with complete concentration throughout. Fantastic entry in the contest.Good luck, Ann.
Reggie
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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Ann,
What a wonderful story, so full of everything necessary for a Christmas story. Your narration is so very smooth it leads us effortlessly through the story easily with complete concentration throughout. Fantastic entry in the contest.Good luck, Ann.
Reggie
Comment Written 30-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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Thanks so much! I appreciate your comments and your encouragement. ann
Comment from Helen Tan
This is an honest opinion and I hope that you will take this positively. I liked and enjoyed reading all the individual stories.However when you combine all of them into one single story, the message conveyed in each individual story is not as poignant. It is very difficult to link all the time lines together.
I would have preferred it if you had concentrated on the first Thanksgiving after your mum's death and on that first Christmas . The time frame is close so that alone will focus your story better. The emphasis should still be on the Christmas story with the Thanksgiving part acting more as a setting for your mood. The Thanksgiving story should be written in a way to give more punch to the Christmas story but it should not take equal staging. You can still bring the story to its present day's relevance but it should round off the story from the past.I don't know whether you will understand my point.
Please note that this is merely my opinion but this work is your creation so do as you deem fit. As usual I have jotted some points for your review.
holiday-like.- an alternative "festive"
get well -an alternative "recover"
At my age, just a few days shy of thirteen years, I believed He chose to answer my prayer with her death on October 26, several weeks prior to her forty-sixth birthday on December 2. - this sentence contains too many time and age references, the important point about your prayers being answered is a bit lost. Suggest "At a tender age of thirteen, I believed..." The "few days shy of" has no relevance on your point in this sentence and I feel it encumbers it.
so tormented that I wanted to shout- "that" may not be required here.
in our behalf - "on our behalf"?
said something I knew they meant to be comforting- this part sounds jerky. Suggest "..offered what in their mind were words of comfort.", try to avoid "something".
carefully clothed in impatience.-the sound of this is awkward, suggest " carefully disguised as impatience "?
trestle- this is where I learn something new,excuse my ignorance but what is this?
decorating the Christmas tree, but how she would cry - "..and how she would cry" ?
"Mama had a soft heart... didn't want it to go away. " - I think this italic part , your reflection and analysis of your mum's actions is well done. It gives the reader the sense that through all your activities of cutting down the tree etc, your mum was with you in your thoughts. Great.
for the one most perfect.- suggest "for the most perfect one"
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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This is an honest opinion and I hope that you will take this positively. I liked and enjoyed reading all the individual stories.However when you combine all of them into one single story, the message conveyed in each individual story is not as poignant. It is very difficult to link all the time lines together.
I would have preferred it if you had concentrated on the first Thanksgiving after your mum's death and on that first Christmas . The time frame is close so that alone will focus your story better. The emphasis should still be on the Christmas story with the Thanksgiving part acting more as a setting for your mood. The Thanksgiving story should be written in a way to give more punch to the Christmas story but it should not take equal staging. You can still bring the story to its present day's relevance but it should round off the story from the past.I don't know whether you will understand my point.
Please note that this is merely my opinion but this work is your creation so do as you deem fit. As usual I have jotted some points for your review.
holiday-like.- an alternative "festive"
get well -an alternative "recover"
At my age, just a few days shy of thirteen years, I believed He chose to answer my prayer with her death on October 26, several weeks prior to her forty-sixth birthday on December 2. - this sentence contains too many time and age references, the important point about your prayers being answered is a bit lost. Suggest "At a tender age of thirteen, I believed..." The "few days shy of" has no relevance on your point in this sentence and I feel it encumbers it.
so tormented that I wanted to shout- "that" may not be required here.
in our behalf - "on our behalf"?
said something I knew they meant to be comforting- this part sounds jerky. Suggest "..offered what in their mind were words of comfort.", try to avoid "something".
carefully clothed in impatience.-the sound of this is awkward, suggest " carefully disguised as impatience "?
trestle- this is where I learn something new,excuse my ignorance but what is this?
decorating the Christmas tree, but how she would cry - "..and how she would cry" ?
"Mama had a soft heart... didn't want it to go away. " - I think this italic part , your reflection and analysis of your mum's actions is well done. It gives the reader the sense that through all your activities of cutting down the tree etc, your mum was with you in your thoughts. Great.
for the one most perfect.- suggest "for the most perfect one"
Comment Written 30-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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I always appreciate honest reviews and am pleased to have yours I agree with some of your suggestions and not with others. For instance, I used Holiday-like rather than festive in an effort to sound a little more like a thirteen year old country girl. 'Festive' would have been a bit citified for us in that local at that time. I agree with you on the whole date and time thing in the one paragraph and will make changes there. Ditto the 'in our behalf' vs 'on our behalf.
I used the term 'clothed in impatience' rather than 'disguised as impatience' in an effort to illustrate my impatience was a cover-up of my grief, not a substitute for it.
A trestle is sort of a railroad bridge with crossties, a framework and rails.
Thanks for reading and commenting. ann
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Thanks for teaching me something new and for clarifying on the choices you made. Good luck on the contest.
I'm glad that my honest opinion will have no impact on your overall rating, being the lowest, it will be eliminated during the averaging process.
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I made several changes based on your astute suggestions. Thanks. ann
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Ann, I've noted the amendments you've made and have upgraded the rating. Your intention was to write a medley of story which you did achieve. I can't deduct a star if I think that a single story would have been better as that was not your goal. Continued good luck with the contest.
Comment from shy1250
I appreciated this story so much. I'm afraid I've let myself slide into a most unbecoming self-pity. I'm going to try to make this Christmas the best they've ever had (kids and grandbabies). I won't be able to do a lot, but I think I've got time to embroider some angels--my grandmother did this every year, every year she gave each of her girls a hand-embroidered tablecloth. It's too late for a tablecloth, but a simple wall hanging should be doable. I saw no errors or suggestions. You did it again! later and Gb, shy
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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I appreciated this story so much. I'm afraid I've let myself slide into a most unbecoming self-pity. I'm going to try to make this Christmas the best they've ever had (kids and grandbabies). I won't be able to do a lot, but I think I've got time to embroider some angels--my grandmother did this every year, every year she gave each of her girls a hand-embroidered tablecloth. It's too late for a tablecloth, but a simple wall hanging should be doable. I saw no errors or suggestions. You did it again! later and Gb, shy
Comment Written 30-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2008
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Thanks, Shy, I so appreciate a sixer! They brighten my holiday tree! lol. I also replied in a PM. Again, a thousand thanks. ann
