Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "The Hunt"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
20 total reviews
Comment from sharon fallis
Gayle, you really have me on the edge of my seat in anticipation! What will happen next? I hope Candace and Andy make it alright, and nothing happens or they don't end up captured again at that house. Great story and great emotive feeling going on here. Sharon
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
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Gayle, you really have me on the edge of my seat in anticipation! What will happen next? I hope Candace and Andy make it alright, and nothing happens or they don't end up captured again at that house. Great story and great emotive feeling going on here. Sharon
Comment Written 03-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
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Hey Sharon,
LOL, great review. I love the comments and your long friendship. So glad to see you again,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Stephy Jemmisparks
i am intrigued. The suspense and questions are so many that I do not know the order I could put them off and place them down before you.
Like, I am a bit more suspicious of Jim, and wondering if the professor may be really wanted dead or will he surrender the formula if let's say they try to harm his wife. See you at the next chapter, Gayle.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2008
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i am intrigued. The suspense and questions are so many that I do not know the order I could put them off and place them down before you.
Like, I am a bit more suspicious of Jim, and wondering if the professor may be really wanted dead or will he surrender the formula if let's say they try to harm his wife. See you at the next chapter, Gayle.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2008
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Helly my little Stephy, how are you doing today?
With everyone out there running around in the dark, someone has to bump into someone else pretty soon here. Wonder where the dogs are?
Thank you so much for stopping by and giving me such a fine review,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sissy
Hey Gayle,
Good keeping the tension up here. Things are rolling along to a head, aren't they???
A few things to check out:
Should we continue straight across like this or maybe head more to the left. (<--question mark here? Feels like a question.)
My ankle hurts a bit and I feel wrenched (is her ankle wrenched, or does she feel wretched.?)
. Still as the tomb, Cricket lay in wait ('the tomb' or 'a tomb'?)
Good stuff!
Sis
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2008
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Hey Gayle,
Good keeping the tension up here. Things are rolling along to a head, aren't they???
A few things to check out:
Should we continue straight across like this or maybe head more to the left. (<--question mark here? Feels like a question.)
My ankle hurts a bit and I feel wrenched (is her ankle wrenched, or does she feel wretched.?)
. Still as the tomb, Cricket lay in wait ('the tomb' or 'a tomb'?)
Good stuff!
Sis
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2008
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Well, I hoped you'd be back. Wait a minute, I'll be right back.
Okay,
http://www.flixxy.com/world-equestrian-games-freestyle-
dressage.htm
Okay, get the tissues and sit down for the best deressage exhitibion you've ever seen, guarantee it!
Now, the edits. I thought the phrase was 'still as the tomb'. Someone else pointed that out, too. Will check them all out.
Thanks, and enjoy that video! Your kids will go ballistic!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Celtic~Soul
Okay, I finally made it to this chapter and whew, a nail biter! Way to leave me hanging! Great work, dear; the story is heating up. Why do I think I'm going to find the Russkies back in Andy and Candace's face in the next chapter?
Some thoughts:
and the fence (where they now stood) - could cut the part in paren's it's easily assumed that that's where they are!
cross the side lawn - I dunno, seems like 'across' would be better here, whatcha think?
present course would bring them together in less than ten minutes. - okay, I scratched my head a bit, how could they know this? and generally, avoid using specific measurements
for all you've...." - if Lenny interrupts, the ellipsis here should be an em-dash
nightmare war zone - suggest nightmare or war zone, probably don't need both!
Several times, she stumbled, almost falling. - okay, this is probably just one of my pet peeves, but I seem to get my knickers in a twist when a female character falls down at a critical moment...LOL!
Sounds like a plan, Andy. ... - she sounds awfuly calm here. How about: "Whatever you think, honey. Let's just get the hell out of here!" LOL
and I feel wrenched - hmmm, 'it' feels wrenched? Although I'm not sure exactly what wrenched feels like, maybe: "it feels like I twisted it pretty bad."?
hung on to his arm - onto (one word)
Whiz bang, I'm off to read more!
Hugs, babe!
Dawn
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2008
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Okay, I finally made it to this chapter and whew, a nail biter! Way to leave me hanging! Great work, dear; the story is heating up. Why do I think I'm going to find the Russkies back in Andy and Candace's face in the next chapter?
Some thoughts:
and the fence (where they now stood) - could cut the part in paren's it's easily assumed that that's where they are!
cross the side lawn - I dunno, seems like 'across' would be better here, whatcha think?
present course would bring them together in less than ten minutes. - okay, I scratched my head a bit, how could they know this? and generally, avoid using specific measurements
for all you've...." - if Lenny interrupts, the ellipsis here should be an em-dash
nightmare war zone - suggest nightmare or war zone, probably don't need both!
Several times, she stumbled, almost falling. - okay, this is probably just one of my pet peeves, but I seem to get my knickers in a twist when a female character falls down at a critical moment...LOL!
Sounds like a plan, Andy. ... - she sounds awfuly calm here. How about: "Whatever you think, honey. Let's just get the hell out of here!" LOL
and I feel wrenched - hmmm, 'it' feels wrenched? Although I'm not sure exactly what wrenched feels like, maybe: "it feels like I twisted it pretty bad."?
hung on to his arm - onto (one word)
Whiz bang, I'm off to read more!
Hugs, babe!
Dawn
Comment Written 21-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2008
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LOL! Duch, so good to see you! Man, you were typing so fast you had ME panting! Was fun, huh?
Okay, your ideas are just great. Will address them all, but I wanted to talk with you about 'wrenched'. Jeff doesn't like it either, even when I tried to explain it. Imagine walking like that and you trip and fall on uneven stuff, tree roots and all, wouldn't you feel wrenched? Nope. Okay, I'll get another word! LOL!
Thanks so much for the great review, my friend. So, how's Rhia?
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from RaymondMann
I am new to the site, so I have not read your previous chapters. But I must say what I read here is very well written and put together. I am sure I'm going to enjoy the rest of the novel and I will do my best to find and read the others
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2008
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I am new to the site, so I have not read your previous chapters. But I must say what I read here is very well written and put together. I am sure I'm going to enjoy the rest of the novel and I will do my best to find and read the others
Comment Written 19-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2008
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First of all, Charles, welcome to Fanstory. You're going to love it.
I admire your stamina in enjoying this chapter. We're at the end of the novel, but I can't thank you enough for the wonderful comments and hope to see you again soon.
Best,
Gayle
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
As I'm sure I've said before...
it is a pleasure to review such
well written, well presented work,
with the correct spelling and
punctuation.
A good chapter, easy to follow and
holding my interest throughout.
Regards,
Margaret.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2008
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As I'm sure I've said before...
it is a pleasure to review such
well written, well presented work,
with the correct spelling and
punctuation.
A good chapter, easy to follow and
holding my interest throughout.
Regards,
Margaret.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2008
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Oh, Margaret,
I'm so truly flattered at comments from one such as yourself and I can't thank you enough.
You encourage me to reach to greater heights and for that I'm indebted.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from davidray
Howdy, Gayle!
An absolute pleasure to read.I enjoyed it right from the get go to the very last word. Full of energy and intrigue, with the storyline flowing effortlessly. Finely tined.
Continued fun and I'll keep with it!!
Later, sweetie.
David
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2008
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Howdy, Gayle!
An absolute pleasure to read.I enjoyed it right from the get go to the very last word. Full of energy and intrigue, with the storyline flowing effortlessly. Finely tined.
Continued fun and I'll keep with it!!
Later, sweetie.
David
Comment Written 18-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2008
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Hey David,
Hope your weekend is going well. It's gorgeous here, for sure!
Thanks so much for the support and the loyal comments. You know how much it means!
Huggers,
Gayle
Comment from rmdelta
showtimebook,
A very nicely written chapter to your book. The dialogue is crisp, pointed and so very well done. Great characters speak as though alive and the action moves rapidly. A well written chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2008
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showtimebook,
A very nicely written chapter to your book. The dialogue is crisp, pointed and so very well done. Great characters speak as though alive and the action moves rapidly. A well written chapter.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2008
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Hi there and thank you so much for stopping by. It's so hard to come into the end of a book and I really appreciate your comments. Hope to see you again,
Best,
Gayle
Comment from Sylvia Page
Looks like Andy and Candace are heading for more trouble. Why can't they follow orders? But that's the spice of the story, more suspense. Look forward to the next one soon.
Sylvia
Jim shook his head. [comma] "No, not right away.
"I'm not sure, just a little shook up. My ankle hurts a bit
and I feel wrenched, but I think I'm okay[; you?" ]
we can call them ourselves,[ourselves; tell ] tell them we're okay and where we're hiding."
"I hope all those guys are dead. Bastards." /dead; Bastards!"
Still as {the} tomb,/ Still as a tomb
Round gold eyes closed to slits, she rose from her hiding place and slithered along the trail, ears pinned, hackles [/and hackles] up, close on the heels of her quarry.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2008
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Looks like Andy and Candace are heading for more trouble. Why can't they follow orders? But that's the spice of the story, more suspense. Look forward to the next one soon.
Sylvia
Jim shook his head. [comma] "No, not right away.
"I'm not sure, just a little shook up. My ankle hurts a bit
and I feel wrenched, but I think I'm okay[; you?" ]
we can call them ourselves,[ourselves; tell ] tell them we're okay and where we're hiding."
"I hope all those guys are dead. Bastards." /dead; Bastards!"
Still as {the} tomb,/ Still as a tomb
Round gold eyes closed to slits, she rose from her hiding place and slithered along the trail, ears pinned, hackles [/and hackles] up, close on the heels of her quarry.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2008
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Hi Sylvia,
So good to see you again. Thanks for the comments and great rating. Let me look into your suggestions!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from RenieReader
Oh, my gosh, I feel like I'm blind. I can hardly make it through the bushes and stuff. I've got a bad feeling about what lies ahead, too. Great chapter, filled with suspense that make my heart palpitate. Terrific job, Gayle.
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2008
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Oh, my gosh, I feel like I'm blind. I can hardly make it through the bushes and stuff. I've got a bad feeling about what lies ahead, too. Great chapter, filled with suspense that make my heart palpitate. Terrific job, Gayle.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 17-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2008
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Hey Renie,
The characters are running the show, my friend. I'm trying to wind this up and they keep going like an energizer bunny. I have no idea where they're taking me. I'll leave a trail of breadcrumbs!
Thanks and big hugs,
Gayle
