Searching For Christopher
A letter to the nephew I've never met54 total reviews
Comment from rmdelta
Dear Jan,
My heart goes out to you on this very painful search. Perhaps, one day---? We can only hope.
Take heart in knowing that while unsuccessful thus far in your search to connect, you DO have a good heart; want to find him and bring him up to date with all personal information he has missed for these 18 years. Of course, that may never happen; then again, maybe it will. Nobody can answer that yet.
Be thankful for at least one positive thing that Christopher has going for him that's working in his favor. He wasn't aborted. Then, all you would be able to do would be cry because there would be no hope at all of ever meeting him.
Your sister made her decision based on her life at the time. But she gave him his life--not death. She has to live with her decision to give him up. She doesn't have to live with having killed him. That's a good thing I think.
My best to you and I hope one day your search will be successful.
Thinking of you and your pain,
Reggie
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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Dear Jan,
My heart goes out to you on this very painful search. Perhaps, one day---? We can only hope.
Take heart in knowing that while unsuccessful thus far in your search to connect, you DO have a good heart; want to find him and bring him up to date with all personal information he has missed for these 18 years. Of course, that may never happen; then again, maybe it will. Nobody can answer that yet.
Be thankful for at least one positive thing that Christopher has going for him that's working in his favor. He wasn't aborted. Then, all you would be able to do would be cry because there would be no hope at all of ever meeting him.
Your sister made her decision based on her life at the time. But she gave him his life--not death. She has to live with her decision to give him up. She doesn't have to live with having killed him. That's a good thing I think.
My best to you and I hope one day your search will be successful.
Thinking of you and your pain,
Reggie
Comment Written 09-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I really appreciate your comments and you are so right, my sister did the right thing by Christopher by giving him life.
Many thanks,
Jan
Comment from Perp Ihebom
tHIS IS A FANTASTIC WORK OF FICTION. I LIKE THE SIMPLICITY OF DICTION EMPLOYED BY THE WRITER. I ALSO ENJOYED THE STORY A GREAT DEAL. IT IS AN EMOTIONAL AND TOUCHING STORY VERY WELL-TOLD. KUDOS MY FRIEND, janilou. cheers.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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tHIS IS A FANTASTIC WORK OF FICTION. I LIKE THE SIMPLICITY OF DICTION EMPLOYED BY THE WRITER. I ALSO ENJOYED THE STORY A GREAT DEAL. IT IS AN EMOTIONAL AND TOUCHING STORY VERY WELL-TOLD. KUDOS MY FRIEND, janilou. cheers.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much. This is actually non-fiction. :-) I really appreciate your comments.
Jan
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Janilou:)
I could feel the pain you feel from never knowing your nephew. Marilyn knows the other side of losing a biological family. She was adopted as a baby. Her adoptive parents were loving and gave her a good home, but she has always wondered about her biological family.
She knew that her biological mother was a maid and probably unmarried. She also knew the last name and the birth date. It is likely that the adoption was "under-the-table so there are no records. Her birth certificate lists her adoptive parents.
Several years ago, after Marilyn's adoptive parents were both dead, we found out about a family reunion at her birthplace for a large family with the same last name. I was able to get Marilyn an invitation.
We never identified her birth mother, but there was a gilr there who looked exactly like Marilyn at the same age. Most of the family members were helpful and believed they knew who her mother was. It was an interesting few days and I think beneficial for Marilyn.
I wouldn't change a word in the letter. I suggest you let nature take it's course. If a reunion is meant to be I'm sure you will have a positive experience. My advice is to never push Christopher if you find him. Honor his life and let God show the way. Marilyn and I wish you all the luck in the world.
Roger
1. longed to take you in and raise you, but Diane decided you should be adopted into [a ==> an] unrelated family.
2.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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Hi Janilou:)
I could feel the pain you feel from never knowing your nephew. Marilyn knows the other side of losing a biological family. She was adopted as a baby. Her adoptive parents were loving and gave her a good home, but she has always wondered about her biological family.
She knew that her biological mother was a maid and probably unmarried. She also knew the last name and the birth date. It is likely that the adoption was "under-the-table so there are no records. Her birth certificate lists her adoptive parents.
Several years ago, after Marilyn's adoptive parents were both dead, we found out about a family reunion at her birthplace for a large family with the same last name. I was able to get Marilyn an invitation.
We never identified her birth mother, but there was a gilr there who looked exactly like Marilyn at the same age. Most of the family members were helpful and believed they knew who her mother was. It was an interesting few days and I think beneficial for Marilyn.
I wouldn't change a word in the letter. I suggest you let nature take it's course. If a reunion is meant to be I'm sure you will have a positive experience. My advice is to never push Christopher if you find him. Honor his life and let God show the way. Marilyn and I wish you all the luck in the world.
Roger
1. longed to take you in and raise you, but Diane decided you should be adopted into [a ==> an] unrelated family.
2.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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Thanks,Roger. I corrected that nit. Thank you for sharing Marylyn's experience with me. I appreciate the advice very much. If we ever do meet, he will be free to continue or not continue contact, as he pleases. I hope we do, though.
Blessings to you both.
Jan
Comment from theartfuldodger
Hello my magical friend. I see the silver which, so like tears, bleeds from your eyes.
Now I'm going to do a very naughty and unpopular thing, and throw this is the pot.
What if Christopher, in order to maintain self esteem, sanity, and battle the demons which tell him he's not good enough, has absolutely no desire to see you or anyone who dares call him family. You aren't his mom. What if he wonders what could possibly be in this for you when, after eighteen years, you show up as the injured party.
What if, in fact, the decision his mother made had consequences, irreversible ones, and what if it is not in his best interest to see you? If it is not in his best interest, it is also not in yours.
Forgive me, I know you hurt, but I will only reveal that I am not unfamiliar with the unthinking damage that re-cripples only too often when one, as a child, is abandoned, and spends most of his/her young life coming to terms with the fact that for whatever reason, they were not wanted. Trust me, no more massive devastation exists.
Your story is all about what you want. What if Chritopher's only chance at living as a healthy adult is by being allowed to dismiss his family instead of being forced to hate them, and in so doing is able to release all that came close to annihilating him.
What if your needing for him to know how you love him and miss him throws him into a tailspin of confusion and rage which makes him wants to die?
It damned near did me.
It damned near did, and this is, I promise you, the only reason I implore you to tread lightly.
Please, please I pray you hear this as coming from personal experience, and not from a place of criticism or lack of tremendous compassion.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is vow to do no more harm.
Just a voice heard from another, although parallel universe.
Drop a quarter in the jukebox, push B17, and the same song plays every time.
I am sorry for everyone's loss.
With prayers for all that heals,
Jo
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2008
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Hello my magical friend. I see the silver which, so like tears, bleeds from your eyes.
Now I'm going to do a very naughty and unpopular thing, and throw this is the pot.
What if Christopher, in order to maintain self esteem, sanity, and battle the demons which tell him he's not good enough, has absolutely no desire to see you or anyone who dares call him family. You aren't his mom. What if he wonders what could possibly be in this for you when, after eighteen years, you show up as the injured party.
What if, in fact, the decision his mother made had consequences, irreversible ones, and what if it is not in his best interest to see you? If it is not in his best interest, it is also not in yours.
Forgive me, I know you hurt, but I will only reveal that I am not unfamiliar with the unthinking damage that re-cripples only too often when one, as a child, is abandoned, and spends most of his/her young life coming to terms with the fact that for whatever reason, they were not wanted. Trust me, no more massive devastation exists.
Your story is all about what you want. What if Chritopher's only chance at living as a healthy adult is by being allowed to dismiss his family instead of being forced to hate them, and in so doing is able to release all that came close to annihilating him.
What if your needing for him to know how you love him and miss him throws him into a tailspin of confusion and rage which makes him wants to die?
It damned near did me.
It damned near did, and this is, I promise you, the only reason I implore you to tread lightly.
Please, please I pray you hear this as coming from personal experience, and not from a place of criticism or lack of tremendous compassion.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is vow to do no more harm.
Just a voice heard from another, although parallel universe.
Drop a quarter in the jukebox, push B17, and the same song plays every time.
I am sorry for everyone's loss.
With prayers for all that heals,
Jo
Comment Written 09-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2008
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Oh, Jo, I am so sorry to hear of the pain you went through with a situation like this. The thing is, neither of us knows what Christopher wants. What if he has searched for years and aches to know? What if not knowing is killing him? We don't know. If and when I find him, it will be his choice to meet me or not meet me. I am not thinking only of myself. I have belonged to on-line adoption groups for several years, and read over and over of the agony suffered by children searching for their families.
But I so deeply appreciate your comments. If I find him, I won't forget what you have said and I will tread lightly.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from dkneale
Jan I have absolutely no literary suggestions on this piece as I feel it is written from the heart...And it is beautiful just as is. My father gave up a child before me, and my brother gave one up as well, I have found my niece, but not my older brother...It to this day feels like a part of me is missing...This is beautiful, Debra
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2008
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Jan I have absolutely no literary suggestions on this piece as I feel it is written from the heart...And it is beautiful just as is. My father gave up a child before me, and my brother gave one up as well, I have found my niece, but not my older brother...It to this day feels like a part of me is missing...This is beautiful, Debra
Comment Written 08-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much, Debra. I am so sorry you never found your brother. Perhaps one day he will find you.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from Nightwind1
This is a heart-touching letter. It speaks for itself. Something like this is a hard thing to have to say but you said it in a good way. I will be hoping that you find him.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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This is a heart-touching letter. It speaks for itself. Something like this is a hard thing to have to say but you said it in a good way. I will be hoping that you find him.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I really appreciate your comments. :-) I hope so, too.
Jan
Comment from mmichelle97219
I think the honest and sincere approach is best. I thought this letter works just fine. I like you could never let go. I guess that is why I adopted my five nieces and my nephew. I know it is hard on my sister, but she didn't want them. And now she feels a bit awkward at family functions. The eldest girl was ten and the boy two when they were adopted. They know where they came from.
Anyway I am sorry to get off track. I hope you find him. I would start by asking the hospital for his birth certificate. You could probably get the name of his adoptive parents from your sister.
I wish you the best of luck.
michelle
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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I think the honest and sincere approach is best. I thought this letter works just fine. I like you could never let go. I guess that is why I adopted my five nieces and my nephew. I know it is hard on my sister, but she didn't want them. And now she feels a bit awkward at family functions. The eldest girl was ten and the boy two when they were adopted. They know where they came from.
Anyway I am sorry to get off track. I hope you find him. I would start by asking the hospital for his birth certificate. You could probably get the name of his adoptive parents from your sister.
I wish you the best of luck.
michelle
Comment Written 08-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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Thanks, Michelle. I don't know for sure which hospital he was born at. My sister was living away in another state at the time. She won't talk about him at all, so asking her for help is out of the question. I really do appreciate your kind words.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from RenieReader
Oh, Jan, this is a difficult one, isn't it? I have a grandson that I've never met. He is also my first born grandson. My oldest son and his girlfriend decided to have the baby and give him up for adoption. I knew nothing about it until my son's funeral. I've tried many times to find him. I have made contact with his natural mother and we have both tried to find 'Andrew' without success. I am told that many adopted male's don't look for their natural parents until they are married and have their own children. I still hope and pray for this miracle to occur.
Thank you for this heartfelt true story. I understand.
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2008
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Oh, Jan, this is a difficult one, isn't it? I have a grandson that I've never met. He is also my first born grandson. My oldest son and his girlfriend decided to have the baby and give him up for adoption. I knew nothing about it until my son's funeral. I've tried many times to find him. I have made contact with his natural mother and we have both tried to find 'Andrew' without success. I am told that many adopted male's don't look for their natural parents until they are married and have their own children. I still hope and pray for this miracle to occur.
Thank you for this heartfelt true story. I understand.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 08-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2008
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Renie, my heart goes out to you. I will PM you. Thank you for the wonderful review.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from Mountainstar2
Bless you for writing this story. I know it took a lot of heart to do this!
This is a good detailed story told her of a true story of the heart. This broke my heart as I read, and to know that
one day this young adult will try to find his family again!
I like this story because I feel more like it needs to be written. I feel all kinds of people need love and a dear child doesn't ask to be born. It is innocent and can only depend on others, and what he is told in life. Until he is old enough to seek on his own accord!
I wish you luck in finding Chris, and please keep us updated on the story!
Blessings for sharing and caring enough to give of yourself and your loving heart to others! MOuntainstar2...
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2008
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Bless you for writing this story. I know it took a lot of heart to do this!
This is a good detailed story told her of a true story of the heart. This broke my heart as I read, and to know that
one day this young adult will try to find his family again!
I like this story because I feel more like it needs to be written. I feel all kinds of people need love and a dear child doesn't ask to be born. It is innocent and can only depend on others, and what he is told in life. Until he is old enough to seek on his own accord!
I wish you luck in finding Chris, and please keep us updated on the story!
Blessings for sharing and caring enough to give of yourself and your loving heart to others! MOuntainstar2...
Comment Written 08-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much. I will certainly be letting the whole FanStory world know if I find him. :-) I really appreciate your kind words.
Hugs,
Jan
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You are very welcome for the review. My blessings go with you as you search for the nephew you have never known, at least in body. But I know you know him in your heart. This may be one way to find him. Search your heart and believe in the God that created you both. If it's meant to be, there will be a way for this to come about. I don't mean to preach at you or anything, but just what I feel in my heart to tell you...
I truly believe this way......Blessings and please do let me know if this comes to pass for you, and your little nephew. But who is now a full grown young man! MS2...
Comment from Lois Delaney
This is such a sad story. I'm so sorry to read about this terrible event, and it shows that we can't understand why people do these kind of things. I guess depression can get in the way, but there probably are other things as well.
There's really nothing you can do. Just be there for him if he ever shows up on the scene.
I'm so sorry that I can't help you at this time. I'm so tired, but this has touched a nerve,
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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This is such a sad story. I'm so sorry to read about this terrible event, and it shows that we can't understand why people do these kind of things. I guess depression can get in the way, but there probably are other things as well.
There's really nothing you can do. Just be there for him if he ever shows up on the scene.
I'm so sorry that I can't help you at this time. I'm so tired, but this has touched a nerve,
Comment Written 08-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2008
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Thank you so much for the fine review.
Hugs,
Jan
