First Dance, First Chance
First impressions can be wrong21 total reviews
Comment from ledford
Great job! Lots of suspense lingering in the air:-)
{Turning her smoothly into my arms}, I put my hands on her waist. ... I can't really picture this. Sorry, I am a visual person. It threw me off a bit.
and my eyes widened on her face. ...huh? Not sure about this one. Do you mean when I looked at her face?
My jeans were suddenly too snug for comfort. ...ha!
away. Surprised, my arms fell away ... I recommend omitting one "away"
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2008
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Great job! Lots of suspense lingering in the air:-)
{Turning her smoothly into my arms}, I put my hands on her waist. ... I can't really picture this. Sorry, I am a visual person. It threw me off a bit.
and my eyes widened on her face. ...huh? Not sure about this one. Do you mean when I looked at her face?
My jeans were suddenly too snug for comfort. ...ha!
away. Surprised, my arms fell away ... I recommend omitting one "away"
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2008
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Thank you so much for the great review. I really appreciate the suggestions.
Comment from adewpearl
I love how your plot progresses and the characters develop - first impressions give way to second and third looks - when the girl shows she is not shy but clever and sarcastic and savvy, I was applauding for her, and then thought it was all over when he carried it a bit too far, only to find out he was as much her prey as her predator - very cool ending and a good story! Should do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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I love how your plot progresses and the characters develop - first impressions give way to second and third looks - when the girl shows she is not shy but clever and sarcastic and savvy, I was applauding for her, and then thought it was all over when he carried it a bit too far, only to find out he was as much her prey as her predator - very cool ending and a good story! Should do well in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Thank you so much, adewpearl. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from angels blue eyedgirl
Red, this was wonderful! I felt the chemistry between the characters. It was steamy, sensual without being over the top. I loved Jenna's reasoning behind her coming on soft, then sassy! Awesome job!
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Red, this was wonderful! I felt the chemistry between the characters. It was steamy, sensual without being over the top. I loved Jenna's reasoning behind her coming on soft, then sassy! Awesome job!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Thank you, sweetie.
Comment from starkat
Both sides of this story are well written and you do a fabulous job of bringing the reader into the hearts and minds of these characters. The scene is very realistic and plays like a movie. I found myself trying to recall my first dance. It wasn't as good as this one...;) It's fascinating to see the scenario from the different points of view. You make the reader hungry to find out how the night ended....I imagine with a bang..;0
I just started reading these entries, but this one will surely be a strong contender.
Really enjoyed how you handled this..
Good luck in the contest!
starkat
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Both sides of this story are well written and you do a fabulous job of bringing the reader into the hearts and minds of these characters. The scene is very realistic and plays like a movie. I found myself trying to recall my first dance. It wasn't as good as this one...;) It's fascinating to see the scenario from the different points of view. You make the reader hungry to find out how the night ended....I imagine with a bang..;0
I just started reading these entries, but this one will surely be a strong contender.
Really enjoyed how you handled this..
Good luck in the contest!
starkat
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Thank you, starkat. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Annmuma
WOW! Great write. Just the right amount of sex and allure. I love it. Should do super in the contest. I've just begun to read the entries. ann
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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WOW! Great write. Just the right amount of sex and allure. I love it. Should do super in the contest. I've just begun to read the entries. ann
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Thank you, Ann.
Comment from jadapenn
Wonderful, sassy and sexy. You know how to land the punch and I love the way you tell the story Redrider. You accomplished the task well for this competition.
Your description is good. Dialogue is believable. Pace is fast - and hot.
Well written.
Regards - jadapenn
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Wonderful, sassy and sexy. You know how to land the punch and I love the way you tell the story Redrider. You accomplished the task well for this competition.
Your description is good. Dialogue is believable. Pace is fast - and hot.
Well written.
Regards - jadapenn
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Thank you, jada. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from offtackle46
Ouch! That is it? I would like you to reconsider this as a short story. It is a perfect opening and could lead you in so many different directions depending on where you wanted to take it. If you continue, I will read every chapter.
It was well written, and I enjoyed finding out both Kevin and Jenna were just beginning their strategies.
Your description took me back to the few clubs I visited in my younger years, and your dialog added to the atmosphere.
Thank you.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Ouch! That is it? I would like you to reconsider this as a short story. It is a perfect opening and could lead you in so many different directions depending on where you wanted to take it. If you continue, I will read every chapter.
It was well written, and I enjoyed finding out both Kevin and Jenna were just beginning their strategies.
Your description took me back to the few clubs I visited in my younger years, and your dialog added to the atmosphere.
Thank you.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Thank you very much. The best compliment you can give a writer is to ask for more. :)
Comment from rmdelta
Okay--first time I ever read your work. Got me hooked right off the bat. I don't usually read these sort of stories, but I am forced to admit that I needed to get a few dollars for my own promotional use. Just gonna pick up the member cents, give a brief review, and move on.
Tha certainly went right out the window. This is extremely well written, and the characters are exceptional in the way you describe them. It is a fast flowing, realistic view at what the dating scene is today. As if I were young enough to be in that sort of thing. I'm not.
I like the way you write, not the sex stuff so much, just your beautifully thought out story line. If you don't mind, I think I will try to become one of your fans.
Thoroughly enjoyable reading
Reggie
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Okay--first time I ever read your work. Got me hooked right off the bat. I don't usually read these sort of stories, but I am forced to admit that I needed to get a few dollars for my own promotional use. Just gonna pick up the member cents, give a brief review, and move on.
Tha certainly went right out the window. This is extremely well written, and the characters are exceptional in the way you describe them. It is a fast flowing, realistic view at what the dating scene is today. As if I were young enough to be in that sort of thing. I'm not.
I like the way you write, not the sex stuff so much, just your beautifully thought out story line. If you don't mind, I think I will try to become one of your fans.
Thoroughly enjoyable reading
Reggie
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Wow, thank you for the fine review and the compliments. I tried to tone the sex stuff down as much as possible--given the requirements of the contest, it could have been much worse, hehe. I've been out of the dating scene for longer than I like to admit, but my daughter dates and I imagine this is how it goes sometimes. I would love to get your feedback on other pieces of mine.
Comment from GentleCloud
Hi redrider, this piece is beautifully executed. I especially love the dialogue. It is exactly what I would imagine a 'hunter' like Kevin would say, and Jenna's return was just as cool. I only wish that there is a chapter two to turn to. I have nothing to pick. Everything works. All the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Hi redrider, this piece is beautifully executed. I especially love the dialogue. It is exactly what I would imagine a 'hunter' like Kevin would say, and Jenna's return was just as cool. I only wish that there is a chapter two to turn to. I have nothing to pick. Everything works. All the best in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Thank you very much, Gentle Cloud. So glad you liked it.
Comment from Kentucky Sweet Pea
Hi Red,
I didn't want this to be over. You've got to put it in a prologue for a book so that we can find out what becomes of Jenna & Kevin. That's how much I enjoyed your contest entry and I hope you win.
Ahhh...such a refreshing write!
Sweet Pea
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Hi Red,
I didn't want this to be over. You've got to put it in a prologue for a book so that we can find out what becomes of Jenna & Kevin. That's how much I enjoyed your contest entry and I hope you win.
Ahhh...such a refreshing write!
Sweet Pea
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Wow, thank you so much, Sweet Pea. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it.
