Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Behind You"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
19 total reviews
Comment from Sissy
Ooh! Exciting chapter, Gayle!
I like how you brought up Rudy's past in this. We really don't know much about him at all, and his story WOULD be very interesting, I agree! I hope you decide to do something with that, at the right moment.
Nothin' much to pick on. The dialogue b/w Jim and Pete and Lenny was very good, all read natural. I thought they were just going to reconnoiter. Wonder if Pete'll be ticked off?
Just one thing:
four(-)foot slice
Take care,
Sis
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2008
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Ooh! Exciting chapter, Gayle!
I like how you brought up Rudy's past in this. We really don't know much about him at all, and his story WOULD be very interesting, I agree! I hope you decide to do something with that, at the right moment.
Nothin' much to pick on. The dialogue b/w Jim and Pete and Lenny was very good, all read natural. I thought they were just going to reconnoiter. Wonder if Pete'll be ticked off?
Just one thing:
four(-)foot slice
Take care,
Sis
Comment Written 22-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2008
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Hey Sissy!
Did ya get to watch that video yet? LOL.
Thanks so much for the great review and comments. You're reading right along, which makes it so much better, huh? Thanks for doing that, dear,
Big hugs,
Gayle
Comment from davidray
Howdy, pardner!
I enjoyed this as I always do with your stuff. YOur writing certainly has grown. Terrific flow. So easy to follow along and the visuals were well done.
A couple small things in my findings, see if you agree:
-since they'd been rolling around in his head since early that morning. (Though not wrong the way it is now, wwe try to keep our 'that' words down if we can help it, right? Change that for 'the'. We know it's earlier in the same day.)
-Their train of thought derailed as two squad cars and an unmarked pulled into the driveway behind them. The uniformed officers climbed the porch steps and entered the cabin.
Detective Pete Reilly approached the SUV and waved to Jim and Lenny to join him.
"Here we go." Lenny got out of the car and sighed in resignation. (YOu've got me really confused her with this sequence, my dear (and sometimes it doesn't take much!!) First off, you have the uniformed climbing the cabin steps and entering the cabin right? Then Detective Pete Reilly approached the SUV and waved to Jim and Lenny to join him, which tells me they didn't walk to the cabin, but the SUV.
Help me out, PLEASE! Is it just me?)
-Tony materialized at his side, eyes wide, on guard. (I just don't think this fancy word here 'materialized' is necessary here, Gayle. Keep it simpler. 'Appeared' serves the exact same purpose and might prevent someone like me reaching for their dictionary.)
-Jim stared at Lenny with wide eyes. (It might be just me (and if it is, I apologize), but you seem to use the expression 'wide eyes' frequently. If it's not a worry with you, don't give it another thought, hon.)
Thanks for sharing this with me.Always a pleasure.
Hugs for the weekend,
Always,
David xx
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Howdy, pardner!
I enjoyed this as I always do with your stuff. YOur writing certainly has grown. Terrific flow. So easy to follow along and the visuals were well done.
A couple small things in my findings, see if you agree:
-since they'd been rolling around in his head since early that morning. (Though not wrong the way it is now, wwe try to keep our 'that' words down if we can help it, right? Change that for 'the'. We know it's earlier in the same day.)
-Their train of thought derailed as two squad cars and an unmarked pulled into the driveway behind them. The uniformed officers climbed the porch steps and entered the cabin.
Detective Pete Reilly approached the SUV and waved to Jim and Lenny to join him.
"Here we go." Lenny got out of the car and sighed in resignation. (YOu've got me really confused her with this sequence, my dear (and sometimes it doesn't take much!!) First off, you have the uniformed climbing the cabin steps and entering the cabin right? Then Detective Pete Reilly approached the SUV and waved to Jim and Lenny to join him, which tells me they didn't walk to the cabin, but the SUV.
Help me out, PLEASE! Is it just me?)
-Tony materialized at his side, eyes wide, on guard. (I just don't think this fancy word here 'materialized' is necessary here, Gayle. Keep it simpler. 'Appeared' serves the exact same purpose and might prevent someone like me reaching for their dictionary.)
-Jim stared at Lenny with wide eyes. (It might be just me (and if it is, I apologize), but you seem to use the expression 'wide eyes' frequently. If it's not a worry with you, don't give it another thought, hon.)
Thanks for sharing this with me.Always a pleasure.
Hugs for the weekend,
Always,
David xx
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Hi David,
Okay, the car scene. Lenny and Jim are in the SUV. The cruiser and an unmarked pull up behind them. The cops go into the house and Pete steps out of the unmarked car and motions for Jim and Lenny to join him on the driveway.
When we're talking about Tony, remember it's pitch dark, so they can't see the black dog approach. One moment he's just 'there'.
Thanks so much for the wonderful comments and great edit ideas. You have a great weekend as well!
Huggies,
Gayle
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Hey, Gayle: how about training a couple of those pups for me? I'm sure my two Scotties would love playing with them but Gwen and Mac aren't much in the defense mode although I wouldn't try to sneak up on me if I was someone else. Another great chapter.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Hey, Gayle: how about training a couple of those pups for me? I'm sure my two Scotties would love playing with them but Gwen and Mac aren't much in the defense mode although I wouldn't try to sneak up on me if I was someone else. Another great chapter.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Hi Jan,
They are such wonderful doggies but, alas, I am without. Not a condo dog, not even a big condo. They need yards! and don't doubt the little guys. You'd be surprised the heights they will climb to to protect their people. Man, pound for pound, there's nothing meaner than a Jack Russell. Thanks again!
Huggies,
Gayle
Comment from bookishfabler
dialed in Andy's IM service and texted him.
Texted is probably right, but it sounds strange to me. Texted? Hmm? Good chapter. For some reason I can not get my little note thing on the side to come down with me anymore. I wonder what happened? But, I didn't need it right now anyway. good job.
hugs
book
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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dialed in Andy's IM service and texted him.
Texted is probably right, but it sounds strange to me. Texted? Hmm? Good chapter. For some reason I can not get my little note thing on the side to come down with me anymore. I wonder what happened? But, I didn't need it right now anyway. good job.
hugs
book
Comment Written 19-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Shoot, girl, it still sounds strange. But he text him sounds even stranger! I know, the site change made the danged thing stationary again. I loved when it floated. Maybe Tom'll do it again.
Thanks for the R&R.
Hugs,
Gayle
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You too? I just wrte Tom to see if anyone else had the same complaint. I thought it was my brouser, but I tried them all, Aol, Explorere, foxfire. It don't work. I hope they can fix it. Nice to know it's not just me.
love ya
Heidi
Comment from butterflykiss
Hello,helps on the way. Thank God we're saved? Or are we? Lots could happen yet. Andy's partners should have know not to work for the Russian, They don't like long employment, or paying for services.
This is a great story, I've read the last two chapters, that made them both more interesting, and they flowed so well together.
Butterflykiss
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2008
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Hello,helps on the way. Thank God we're saved? Or are we? Lots could happen yet. Andy's partners should have know not to work for the Russian, They don't like long employment, or paying for services.
This is a great story, I've read the last two chapters, that made them both more interesting, and they flowed so well together.
Butterflykiss
Comment Written 19-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2008
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Hey Jane, so good to see you again. I can't thank you enough for reading along and for the encouragement and fine comments.
Thanks a bunch,
Hugs,
Gayle
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Hello Gayle,
You're welcome.
Butterflykiss
Comment from Allezw2
Lady Gayle,
No the "amateurs are at it!
A nice play on the sometimes cooperative local constabulary actually accepting outside advice and standing down to let the irregulars do their thing.
Wayne
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2008
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Lady Gayle,
No the "amateurs are at it!
A nice play on the sometimes cooperative local constabulary actually accepting outside advice and standing down to let the irregulars do their thing.
Wayne
Comment Written 19-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2008
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LOL! Wayne,
I'm not sure that would fly in the real world, but other than arrest them, what could Pete do. But, we had to move the story along and I just could not ignore the cops so I thought I'd let them play, too!
Thanks a bunch for the great comments and your review!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Hey, it's your universe, one that exists only in your mind. It works, what else is there to say? Play on!
Comment from c_lucas
You did a good job telling your story with dialogue. It appears that the story is about to end. Good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2008
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You did a good job telling your story with dialogue. It appears that the story is about to end. Good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2008
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Hey Charlie,
So good to see you again. Thanks for the fine comments. I appreciate you reading along like this. Thank you,
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment from Sylvia Page
Gayle this chapter had me sitting on the edge of my chair in anticipation. Didn't find any faults. Must commend on the excellent behavior of the dogs.
That Ike did not trouble you?
See you soon.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2008
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Gayle this chapter had me sitting on the edge of my chair in anticipation. Didn't find any faults. Must commend on the excellent behavior of the dogs.
That Ike did not trouble you?
See you soon.
Sylvia
Comment Written 18-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2008
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Hi Sylvia,
Thanks for the great comments and concern. No, we're nowhere near the storms, thank God, but the devastation is mindboggling, for sure. Some of the pictures are so bad they look like the aftermath of a nuclear bomb.
You're going to enjoy what the dogs do next!
Thanks again,
Hugs
Gayle
Comment from Domino
Hi, Gayle.
?Now we're dealing with industrial thieves, international espionage, kidnapping and multiple murder;? ? Great ad for the book! ?LOL
He and Candace are right down the road in another house and they're fine so far. There's five goons holdin' them, heavily armed. I think you need backup, Pete. Best call the SWAT guys, too. They have two hostages and they've killed twice before; they won't hesitate this time." ? good precise (?spell) of action coming up!
?A sliver of moon dodged in and out of the clouds and the winds increased just enough to provide an effective cover.? ? good description to set the scene.
?"Andy said there's a hasp over the frame so no point in wasting time with the knob. Let's see about that other door." ? should they not be a little more wary and quiet? Just a thought, with five armed goons hanging around.
Top action chapter here, Gayle, with a terrific 'what's going on?' ending. Great stuff, ray xx
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2008
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Hi, Gayle.
?Now we're dealing with industrial thieves, international espionage, kidnapping and multiple murder;? ? Great ad for the book! ?LOL
He and Candace are right down the road in another house and they're fine so far. There's five goons holdin' them, heavily armed. I think you need backup, Pete. Best call the SWAT guys, too. They have two hostages and they've killed twice before; they won't hesitate this time." ? good precise (?spell) of action coming up!
?A sliver of moon dodged in and out of the clouds and the winds increased just enough to provide an effective cover.? ? good description to set the scene.
?"Andy said there's a hasp over the frame so no point in wasting time with the knob. Let's see about that other door." ? should they not be a little more wary and quiet? Just a thought, with five armed goons hanging around.
Top action chapter here, Gayle, with a terrific 'what's going on?' ending. Great stuff, ray xx
Comment Written 18-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2008
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Hey Ray,
Thanks so much for stopping by and the great comments. This is giving me fits...I hate endings! Thanks again,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from sharon fallis
Another great read! I am so into this story, I have a hard time being patient until you get the next one out. Love them. Great writing, Gayle. Just keep them coming. Hugs...Sharon
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2008
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Another great read! I am so into this story, I have a hard time being patient until you get the next one out. Love them. Great writing, Gayle. Just keep them coming. Hugs...Sharon
Comment Written 18-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2008
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Hey Sharon,
You're making me smile all over my face. What a wonderful review!
Thanks and big hugs,
Gayle
