Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Dig Even Deeper"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
17 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
It's a good chapter, and I don't know if I'm just tired, but the last part was a bit over detailed. I lost interest. Again, Maybe I've been on here to long. If this all has something to do with the book, that's great, but if not, shorten it a bit.
I think maybe I will have to go back when I'm not so tired. I will read your next chapter tomorrow. Love ya, Honey
hugs
book
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2008
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It's a good chapter, and I don't know if I'm just tired, but the last part was a bit over detailed. I lost interest. Again, Maybe I've been on here to long. If this all has something to do with the book, that's great, but if not, shorten it a bit.
I think maybe I will have to go back when I'm not so tired. I will read your next chapter tomorrow. Love ya, Honey
hugs
book
Comment Written 13-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2008
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Hi Heidi,
Let me look into that. Perhaps I waxed a bit too eloquent? Thanks for the R&R and we'll talk later!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Kym Jade
Well I hope the dog will be able to pick up a scent at the the cabin. Dan is not a very good friend. He should have resigned or asked to be moved to a project he could work on. The money always corrupts completely.
Love and blessings.
Not sure we like the new look fanstory though.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2008
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Well I hope the dog will be able to pick up a scent at the the cabin. Dan is not a very good friend. He should have resigned or asked to be moved to a project he could work on. The money always corrupts completely.
Love and blessings.
Not sure we like the new look fanstory though.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2008
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Metcha Ladies,
I know what you mean, very bright and shiny. There is a way to change the colors around but I can't remember. Ask Michelle.
I agree, money corrupts. And yes, we have to get Cricket out and let her and Sadie work on this. Good to see you, dear. I hope that means the fog is lifting?
Love you,
Gayle
Comment from sharon fallis
Did you mean would (they) put it together? You wrote: did you mean would that put it together.
Another of your very good writes, Gayle. I don't suppose you could write ...Say three chapters a day? No, but, I will surely try to be patient. Sharon
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Did you mean would (they) put it together? You wrote: did you mean would that put it together.
Another of your very good writes, Gayle. I don't suppose you could write ...Say three chapters a day? No, but, I will surely try to be patient. Sharon
Comment Written 09-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Oopsies! Looks like I missed a word. I'll get in there, Sharon, and make fix. Thanks for spotting it and for the great comments.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
We already knew that Dan is an accomplice, so this chapter comes as no surprise. Also, Dan sounds like some sort of worm who is way over his head, both with the formula and with the Russians. One thing I do not understand. In a recent chapter, you say that the Russian kidnappers had already set up a workstation in the house where Andy and Candice are forced to stay. So is Dan's intended theft already successful and a thing of the past?
I found no spag and have only one technical comment:
"...but all that changed on a day in early May when he was {virtually} accosted at lunch." Dan was accosted, and I think the word "virtually" could come out.
Dave M
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Gayle,
We already knew that Dan is an accomplice, so this chapter comes as no surprise. Also, Dan sounds like some sort of worm who is way over his head, both with the formula and with the Russians. One thing I do not understand. In a recent chapter, you say that the Russian kidnappers had already set up a workstation in the house where Andy and Candice are forced to stay. So is Dan's intended theft already successful and a thing of the past?
I found no spag and have only one technical comment:
"...but all that changed on a day in early May when he was {virtually} accosted at lunch." Dan was accosted, and I think the word "virtually" could come out.
Dave M
Comment Written 08-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Hey, Dave,
Virtually is outta there! I agree. Now, you eagle eyed little dickens, yes, this is a flashback. I'm not sure whether to make that clear or whether I'll switch the chapter order. They're close together, especially time-wise.
Do you think a tad more explanation might work and leave it positioned as it is, or insert it before the incident with Andy arriving at the hideout. My inclination for leaving it here is that the buildup of suspense and the end really starts in the next chapter.
Any input would be appreciated! Thanks a bunch<~>
Hugs,
Gayle
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Gayle,
Thanks for all your appreciative words. I'm glad my comments are helpful.
I don't know just how to handle Dan. If this were my own story, I'd have him flashing back to the theft of Andy's computer, and I'd shorten an account of his previous actions. But that approach assumes that he's still alive, doesn't it. Somehow, I wonder about this. I do think that you ought to make it more clear that this is an event in the novel's recent past and not current with the investigation.
Dave M
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Thanks, Dave, I appreciate the input. I think I'm gonna massage the beginning and see how I can do this.
Big hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Domino
Hi, Gayle.
That?s what I like to see ? ?warning? ? LOL
Unaware of ?NSA? but assume they?re FBI?ish?
"Well, the last place we know they were is in that cabin. Once we toss it, I really don't know what else to do except hope one of the kidnappers cracks." ? don?t you nice Yanks do nasty things to em, like all those rotten foreigners do? LOL
Dan Knoff leaned back in his chair, heart palpitating while rivulets of sweat coursed down both cheeks. ? nice, smooth scene switch.
They needed Andy's laptop, CDs and equipment, and after Caroline went home tonight, he'd collect everything and take it to them. The thought frightened him, but not too much. Giving them access to his cabin, where he knew they would hold Candace, sealed his fate. He was an accomplice to kidnapping so what was theft by comparison. ? nice tie-in of the computer etc. , all making sense, great attn to detail and put in at right time, great description of Dan and his feelings.
Excellent tying-up chapter, though if I was Dan I wouldn?t trust those rotten Russians, bet he?s a gonner!
Great one, Gayle, Ray xx
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Hi, Gayle.
That?s what I like to see ? ?warning? ? LOL
Unaware of ?NSA? but assume they?re FBI?ish?
"Well, the last place we know they were is in that cabin. Once we toss it, I really don't know what else to do except hope one of the kidnappers cracks." ? don?t you nice Yanks do nasty things to em, like all those rotten foreigners do? LOL
Dan Knoff leaned back in his chair, heart palpitating while rivulets of sweat coursed down both cheeks. ? nice, smooth scene switch.
They needed Andy's laptop, CDs and equipment, and after Caroline went home tonight, he'd collect everything and take it to them. The thought frightened him, but not too much. Giving them access to his cabin, where he knew they would hold Candace, sealed his fate. He was an accomplice to kidnapping so what was theft by comparison. ? nice tie-in of the computer etc. , all making sense, great attn to detail and put in at right time, great description of Dan and his feelings.
Excellent tying-up chapter, though if I was Dan I wouldn?t trust those rotten Russians, bet he?s a gonner!
Great one, Gayle, Ray xx
Comment Written 08-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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National Security Agency, Ray, ultra hush-hush.
Looks like old Eddie got your review in spades. Just imagine having that happen to a 1800 word chapter. Now you know why I don't use him.
Thanks so much for the great comments. I especially like your comments on continuity and flow. Takes a consistent reader to help there, and I value your insight!
Hugs and big thanks,
Gayle
Comment from butterflykiss
I knew it was an inside job, and I bet the rest has figured that out also. It Still a page turner and It move real well. Thanks for sharing.
Butterflykiss
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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I knew it was an inside job, and I bet the rest has figured that out also. It Still a page turner and It move real well. Thanks for sharing.
Butterflykiss
Comment Written 08-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Tehee, yes, Jane, it had to be to get that computer over to Andy. Thanks so much for the comments and support!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Hello Gayle,
You're welcome.
Butterflykiss
Comment from davidray
Hi Gayle, my southern belle,
I enjoyed this, as I always do when I read something of yours. It's getting tougher and tougher to find anything from your writing. It's flowing very well, my dear. Great job!
One tiny thing I wanted to shoot by you:
-The first bit of data they wanted was so simple he thought for a moment it was a joke. (To remove the second 'was' and 'they', here's what I'd do: The first bit of data the men wanted was so simple, they'd thought it must be some kind of joke.')
I'm going along for the ride. Yahoooooo! :)
Hugs,
David
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Hi Gayle, my southern belle,
I enjoyed this, as I always do when I read something of yours. It's getting tougher and tougher to find anything from your writing. It's flowing very well, my dear. Great job!
One tiny thing I wanted to shoot by you:
-The first bit of data they wanted was so simple he thought for a moment it was a joke. (To remove the second 'was' and 'they', here's what I'd do: The first bit of data the men wanted was so simple, they'd thought it must be some kind of joke.')
I'm going along for the ride. Yahoooooo! :)
Hugs,
David
Comment Written 08-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Hey David,
I agree with that suggestion. Will do! Glad you liked this one! We're moving right along!
Hugs and big thanks,
Gayle
Comment from Stephy Jemmisparks
I absolutely loved the flow of thought in Dan's thoughts! What a crafty man! And the explaining away of our sinful thoughts and devision, all we know t oo well! I'd skip this by doing it generally....temptation....I loved the chapter as always,teacher.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008
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I absolutely loved the flow of thought in Dan's thoughts! What a crafty man! And the explaining away of our sinful thoughts and devision, all we know t oo well! I'd skip this by doing it generally....temptation....I loved the chapter as always,teacher.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008
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Helly Stephy!
Glad you liked this one. Yes, poor Dan is in a real twist and somehow I don't think this will end well for him. Thanks so much for the wonderful comments!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Have you check out "Pronouncing Nouns"? That poem was dedicated to my teacher AKA YOU I am facing some problems with my grammar so you will find some OT.(Over Time work:phrase in Singapore)Thanks for being you! Prayed for you this morning.:P
Stephy
Comment from Readywriter52
It looks like Lenny and Pete are still in the dark. They had to give up their prisoners to NSA who probably won't share information with them. They do know that Candace and Andy will be killed by the Russians. Dan is the traitor who has been providing the Russians with information. He plans to steal Andy's laptop, CDs and equipment. He has also allowed them use of his cabin which is where Andy and Candace are being held. It doesn't look good for the good guys. Your story is suspenseful. I wonder where the Russians will make a mistake.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008
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It looks like Lenny and Pete are still in the dark. They had to give up their prisoners to NSA who probably won't share information with them. They do know that Candace and Andy will be killed by the Russians. Dan is the traitor who has been providing the Russians with information. He plans to steal Andy's laptop, CDs and equipment. He has also allowed them use of his cabin which is where Andy and Candace are being held. It doesn't look good for the good guys. Your story is suspenseful. I wonder where the Russians will make a mistake.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008
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Hey RW,
They're going to put it all together real soon, I promise! Then we're going to have a good old time!
Thanks for the loyal support and comments. You mean a lot to me!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
A rather nice curve ball, Gayle--slow, dropping curve that most of us didn't see coming, I suspect. Mention the associate but keep him enough in the background he doesn't appear to be a likely suspect. Good job.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008
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A rather nice curve ball, Gayle--slow, dropping curve that most of us didn't see coming, I suspect. Mention the associate but keep him enough in the background he doesn't appear to be a likely suspect. Good job.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008
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Hey Jan,
Yep, there had to be a mole, just like in the Royal Court! This poor schmo doesn't have a clue.
Thanks so much for the R&R and your comments! See you soon!
Hugs,
Gayle
