Sergeant Major
Death and Dismemberment III30 total reviews
Comment from amadan01
Ooh boy. How true is that? Excellent and truthful, no hiding things in ribbons and rhetoric. A very upfront look at the sacrifices made that we are rarely conscious of. Thank you.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008
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Ooh boy. How true is that? Excellent and truthful, no hiding things in ribbons and rhetoric. A very upfront look at the sacrifices made that we are rarely conscious of. Thank you.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008
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Thank you, amadan01. I was fortunate to work closely with many vets for several years. Kit
Comment from charliecheshire
excellent story that drifted to a great final 2 lines. very graphic and moving. I liked the line 'I lost some of me'.
All the very best
Charlie Cheshire
The Cheese People
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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excellent story that drifted to a great final 2 lines. very graphic and moving. I liked the line 'I lost some of me'.
All the very best
Charlie Cheshire
The Cheese People
Comment Written 09-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Thank you, Charlie. Top inspired a lot of people, I am the least of them. Kit
Comment from sharon fallis
A nice poem. Very descriptive, with good word choices and usage. The visuals are exemplary. Not much emotive feeling, but then it doesn't need any as the context is descriptive enough. Thanks for sharing. Sharon
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2008
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A nice poem. Very descriptive, with good word choices and usage. The visuals are exemplary. Not much emotive feeling, but then it doesn't need any as the context is descriptive enough. Thanks for sharing. Sharon
Comment Written 07-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2008
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Thank you, Sharon. honorable people inspire poetry - Kit
Comment from jmyron
He's not a marine, and neither am I (although I am a veteran) but the poem sorta reminds me of of the marine corps hymn:
"If the Army and the Navy
Ever look on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded
By United States Marines."
Personally, I think that all veterans of good repute will be guarding heavens streets at need.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2008
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He's not a marine, and neither am I (although I am a veteran) but the poem sorta reminds me of of the marine corps hymn:
"If the Army and the Navy
Ever look on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded
By United States Marines."
Personally, I think that all veterans of good repute will be guarding heavens streets at need.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2008
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Put that in a poem, jmyron, please! What a great way to say it! Kit
Comment from RapturedHeart
Hey Kit. Sorry, I've read this before but didn't review yet. Is this dedicated to every soldier - or someone in particular? This is a good Remembrance Day piece. I like:
'I lost some of me;' best, because I think you're talking about more than just body parts. Touching ending. Take care,
Heather
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2008
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Hey Kit. Sorry, I've read this before but didn't review yet. Is this dedicated to every soldier - or someone in particular? This is a good Remembrance Day piece. I like:
'I lost some of me;' best, because I think you're talking about more than just body parts. Touching ending. Take care,
Heather
Comment Written 04-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2008
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I wrote it for Hank Trice, whose story it tells, and John Holland, whose story was close. They were both veterans of all three wars, and ended up in Nam with the 5th Special Forces, my husbands group. Hank is gone now, and from what I can tell, John probably is too - can't find him anywhere. So it is dedicated to all who serve and especially, to all Tops - sergeants. Kit
Comment from venusanblue
This is indeed an excellent poem. I had to take a breath as I read. I saw the film unfold before my very eyes. It is told with perfection. V,xxx
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2008
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This is indeed an excellent poem. I had to take a breath as I read. I saw the film unfold before my very eyes. It is told with perfection. V,xxx
Comment Written 04-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2008
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Thank you, venusanblue, for your very generous and kind compliment.
Kit
Comment from louparis
Dear Kit,
I found the two lines before Top Sergeabt somewhat out of place. If the story is about the top sergeant, those two lines would not seem necessary for the piece. At least that is my impression.
Lou Paris
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2008
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Dear Kit,
I found the two lines before Top Sergeabt somewhat out of place. If the story is about the top sergeant, those two lines would not seem necessary for the piece. At least that is my impression.
Lou Paris
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2008
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All of those things are about the same man, the Top or Top sergeant or sergeant major - anyway you want to call him. Top is the name all the guys call him. He is the one tacked and taped together, and who served in all those bloody conflicts. Thank you, Lou. Kit
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello Kit,
You've created a real tribute to our fighting men and women around the world. I wouldn't change a thing.
The metaphor within this line is great:
The last patrol called me to meet my Maker
Well done,
Ray
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2008
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Hello Kit,
You've created a real tribute to our fighting men and women around the world. I wouldn't change a thing.
The metaphor within this line is great:
The last patrol called me to meet my Maker
Well done,
Ray
Comment Written 03-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2008
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Thank you, Ray. It's just something I can give back. Kit
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Kit I like you style of free verse, very well done especially the few line in your last stanza--
I walked into Heaven
between two rows of soldiers,
my men,
made whole and given back to me.
Gert
Nice to have you here on Fanstory.
Gert
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2008
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Hello Kit I like you style of free verse, very well done especially the few line in your last stanza--
I walked into Heaven
between two rows of soldiers,
my men,
made whole and given back to me.
Gert
Nice to have you here on Fanstory.
Gert
Comment Written 03-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2008
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I can't read it out loud without my voice shaking on those lines - I know that's what Top wanted. Kit
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You are so welcome Kit
see you later.
Gert
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
My sisters new boyfriend just came back from Iraq. He's a pretty cool guy and I'd be okay if he was the "one" for her. This is a wonderful tribute to our troops.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2008
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My sisters new boyfriend just came back from Iraq. He's a pretty cool guy and I'd be okay if he was the "one" for her. This is a wonderful tribute to our troops.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2008
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Thank him for me and for my family, if you have a chance. Kit
