Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Candace Baker"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
22 total reviews
Comment from Twisted-ink
Well written, it all flows together beautifully and is very believable.
We felt a bit spooked so we hurried across the lot. I threw the package into the back seat ... the top was down, and slid behind the wheel. I barely got the engine started and he was right there." Her voice rose and a light film of perspiration glistened on her upper lip. Her right leg began to bounce. This would scare the hell out of me!
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2008
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Well written, it all flows together beautifully and is very believable.
We felt a bit spooked so we hurried across the lot. I threw the package into the back seat ... the top was down, and slid behind the wheel. I barely got the engine started and he was right there." Her voice rose and a light film of perspiration glistened on her upper lip. Her right leg began to bounce. This would scare the hell out of me!
Comment Written 26-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2008
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Oh, my goodness, another Christmas present! Thank you so much for that wonderful gift. I'm getting ready to publish this one and it's such a gas to see a sixer for it! It's one of my faves!
Thank you very much and I hope you visit again!
Best,
Gayle
Comment from William Walz
Well, the day has arrived. I am going to go through STALKER one chapter at a time, from the beginning. I already reviewed chapter one, and have now reread to get the flow of the story. Chapter two is excellent and moves the story along nicely. I like the way you stage-manage your characters. This really makes them come alive. Candace is especially well-described and believable.
I will make a few comments about how the story struck me. There is very little to quibble with. One thing I thought was maybe too much was Candace's encounter in the grocery store. Just my opinion...but I don't think I would have described the different kinds of produce...tomatoes, onions, and the like, involved with that first meeting. Getting to the point a little quicker and eliminating some of that would build the suspense a little better I think.
"We had just started shopping when out of nowhere, he was right at my elbow, asking me if I needed a handyman."...something like that. Just a thought.
Other than that,and a minor point at that, I am intrigued and already starting to care about these people, which is what a really good story is all about. I'll been on to chapter 3 soon. I can't wait to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Well, the day has arrived. I am going to go through STALKER one chapter at a time, from the beginning. I already reviewed chapter one, and have now reread to get the flow of the story. Chapter two is excellent and moves the story along nicely. I like the way you stage-manage your characters. This really makes them come alive. Candace is especially well-described and believable.
I will make a few comments about how the story struck me. There is very little to quibble with. One thing I thought was maybe too much was Candace's encounter in the grocery store. Just my opinion...but I don't think I would have described the different kinds of produce...tomatoes, onions, and the like, involved with that first meeting. Getting to the point a little quicker and eliminating some of that would build the suspense a little better I think.
"We had just started shopping when out of nowhere, he was right at my elbow, asking me if I needed a handyman."...something like that. Just a thought.
Other than that,and a minor point at that, I am intrigued and already starting to care about these people, which is what a really good story is all about. I'll been on to chapter 3 soon. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2008
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Hey Bill,
Well, I'm grinning all over! How wonderful. Now listen, store up ideas and all, but don't feel obligated to review. I hate it that there's no bucks on there. Hey, check your pm's!
Hugs,
Gayle
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How about if I go through the book and make comments only if I feel necessary? I may not be the best writer in the world, but I consider myself a pretty good reader, and I have a pretty good feel for what works and what sounds good. I'm not at all concerned about member dollars. I just want to read, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Comment from Stephy Jemmisparks
I have seen real guard dogs myself and know what you are talking about. The temperament of each dog is different and determines the behaviour as well as the means to which we can get through to each of them. I think what makes your stories outstanding is the way it is so easy to relate to.
Stephy.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2008
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I have seen real guard dogs myself and know what you are talking about. The temperament of each dog is different and determines the behaviour as well as the means to which we can get through to each of them. I think what makes your stories outstanding is the way it is so easy to relate to.
Stephy.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2008
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Hi Stephy,
Oh boy, back to the beginning, huh? I think it's a good idea with this book as there is a good bit of 'history' and backstory with our characters that you need to know. Of course, you read Firestorm, too, right?
Anyway, thanks for the great comments, my friend,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sissy
Hi Gayle!
Can't wait to see what the dogs will get into this time. And I like the inclusion of horses, of course! :) Overall, nice chapter, you are laying the backstory well!
A few things for you to check out:
Jim and Lenny glanced around the room (<--need 'the room'? The sentence works fine w/o), taking in the minimalist furniture and avant-garde art.
She led them to a wide set of French doors, opened them and stepped onto the flagstone patio.(the double 'them' is a little tricky here, Gayle.)
The man continued to stare at the child for a moment. (<--wasn't it Jim staring at the child in the sentence earlier?) "That's my daughter, Sara, taking a riding lesson
Candace nodded, (her?) pale blue eyes blinked twice.
I've never been so scared in my life. That was Monday. He approached me again at the library on Thursday. He, (consider a dash here, or ellipsis, versus a comma?) he told me I'd better change my mind."
Jim went into the house, back across the huge entry room and out the door. As he approached the Suburban a glossy black head popped up in the driver's seat. Round golden eyes wide, ears up, he smiled. (Tony smiled or Jim?)
Properly trained animals, especially Doberman's (why the apostrophe here?), bond with their families.
On the other hand, no stranger will ever approach you again(,) and as far as your car? Take her with you, (<--I see what you mean by this, but it's a bit awkwardly phrased. I'm not sure the comma helps!)
Take care,
Sissy
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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2008
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Hi Gayle!
Can't wait to see what the dogs will get into this time. And I like the inclusion of horses, of course! :) Overall, nice chapter, you are laying the backstory well!
A few things for you to check out:
Jim and Lenny glanced around the room (<--need 'the room'? The sentence works fine w/o), taking in the minimalist furniture and avant-garde art.
She led them to a wide set of French doors, opened them and stepped onto the flagstone patio.(the double 'them' is a little tricky here, Gayle.)
The man continued to stare at the child for a moment. (<--wasn't it Jim staring at the child in the sentence earlier?) "That's my daughter, Sara, taking a riding lesson
Candace nodded, (her?) pale blue eyes blinked twice.
I've never been so scared in my life. That was Monday. He approached me again at the library on Thursday. He, (consider a dash here, or ellipsis, versus a comma?) he told me I'd better change my mind."
Jim went into the house, back across the huge entry room and out the door. As he approached the Suburban a glossy black head popped up in the driver's seat. Round golden eyes wide, ears up, he smiled. (Tony smiled or Jim?)
Properly trained animals, especially Doberman's (why the apostrophe here?), bond with their families.
On the other hand, no stranger will ever approach you again(,) and as far as your car? Take her with you, (<--I see what you mean by this, but it's a bit awkwardly phrased. I'm not sure the comma helps!)
Take care,
Sissy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2008
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Oh, sweetie, how good to see you again. Man, I don't know what to say. I value your reviews more than anything but I'm getting a MAJOR guilt trip here for 1 point and 2 cents.
I will fix that, for sure.
Copied, pasted and on the way to the cave.
Love you bunches,
Gayle
Comment from Sylvia Page
Hiya Gayle, I can see a plot is beginning to take shape. Can also see that the dogs are going to play a big part. I like that. Is Tony from the last story along with Lenny? Looking forward to read Sadie. See you there.
Regards,
Sylvia
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2008
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Hiya Gayle, I can see a plot is beginning to take shape. Can also see that the dogs are going to play a big part. I like that. Is Tony from the last story along with Lenny? Looking forward to read Sadie. See you there.
Regards,
Sylvia
Comment Written 15-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2008
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Hey Sylvia,
Thanks so much for the R&R. Yes, this is our same Tony..Lenny and the girls will be along shortly. I hope you like this story and Sadie will make you smile.
Thanks so much for the support,
Gayle
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
So, going to push off one of the pups onto Candace, are you? What will the girls think of that? Come to think of it, what will Sadie think of that? Or Tony. for that matter? Why am I thinking that Sadie may prove to be plentry aggressive before this book is over? Another fine chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2008
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So, going to push off one of the pups onto Candace, are you? What will the girls think of that? Come to think of it, what will Sadie think of that? Or Tony. for that matter? Why am I thinking that Sadie may prove to be plentry aggressive before this book is over? Another fine chapter.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2008
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Ah yes, still waters run deep. I think Sadie will have what it takes, no matter what it takes. This is so much fun and I'm glad you're reading along and enjoying!
Thanks so much, hon,
Gayle
Comment from Kym Jade
OK you have me hooked on another of your stories. Who are these people, is the man really handy? Why would the paparazzi have a field day? Hope they get a dog.
Love and blessings
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
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OK you have me hooked on another of your stories. Who are these people, is the man really handy? Why would the paparazzi have a field day? Hope they get a dog.
Love and blessings
Comment Written 12-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
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Metcha Ladies!
We have not, as yet, tipped the identity of who Andy Baker is. I haven't decided, but someone the press would be interested. That's why their being stalked!
This is going to be a ball. Segue, loved the chapter you did for Freddie. Super duper.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from bookishfabler
Well, you were right, this is a doggie story. LOL. I few nits to look at.
He walked out the door which relieved me (to) no end. By that time(,) Sara had noticed him as well.
Her tone said defeat(,) but her eyes were angry.
As he approached the Suburban(,) a glossy black head popped up in the driver's seat. Round golden eyes wide, ears up, he smiled.
A sleek black body glided out of the car and stood in the rays of the sun, glistening, his huge body heavily muscled and magnificent to see.(I think this should be two sentences. End with glistening. His huge...)
nice job
hugs
book
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008
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Well, you were right, this is a doggie story. LOL. I few nits to look at.
He walked out the door which relieved me (to) no end. By that time(,) Sara had noticed him as well.
Her tone said defeat(,) but her eyes were angry.
As he approached the Suburban(,) a glossy black head popped up in the driver's seat. Round golden eyes wide, ears up, he smiled.
A sleek black body glided out of the car and stood in the rays of the sun, glistening, his huge body heavily muscled and magnificent to see.(I think this should be two sentences. End with glistening. His huge...)
nice job
hugs
book
Comment Written 12-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008
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Hi Heidi,
Great edits here, definite agree. Thanks so much for the eagle eye and the great R&R. Have a great Sunday!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from ThyLordDracula
a very well written chapter - it was interesting to see how Candace reacted to Tony - she originally didn't want a dog in the house but a magnificent purebred animal changed her tune - no spags in this chapter - very interesting plot - I will be looking for more of this one - respectfully ^v^
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008
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a very well written chapter - it was interesting to see how Candace reacted to Tony - she originally didn't want a dog in the house but a magnificent purebred animal changed her tune - no spags in this chapter - very interesting plot - I will be looking for more of this one - respectfully ^v^
Comment Written 12-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008
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Hey Drac,
Good to see you out and about! We will soon find out that Candace had a past incident...but she has a change of heart when she meets Tony. He's our dog star..this is his fourth book, and he's quite the charmer.
You're going to love the next two chapters if you're into dogs and their training. Hope to see you again soon,
Gayle
Comment from Jonez08
Gayle, I must have somehow missed chapter 1, have to go back and read, but this is superbly written. Your writing is clear, easy to comprehend and from the moment the two men entered I was there with them..you are truly gifted. I look forward to following another great story. (It's quite obvious you are an animal lover, they are described vividly)
Cassandra
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008
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Gayle, I must have somehow missed chapter 1, have to go back and read, but this is superbly written. Your writing is clear, easy to comprehend and from the moment the two men entered I was there with them..you are truly gifted. I look forward to following another great story. (It's quite obvious you are an animal lover, they are described vividly)
Cassandra
Comment Written 12-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008
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Hi Cassandra,
How's your weekend going? Always super to see you stop by for a visit. I can't thank you enough for the kind, supportive comments and your friendship.
Thanks,
Gayle
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Hi Gayle, it's going great. How's it going on your end? Whatever happened to you taking a break? lol..I know, when it comes to writing it's no rest for the weary. Our minds just keeps going and going. I call mine an addiction. Take care.
Cassandra
