Gossamer Thoughts
Just a poetic thought that came to me.14 total reviews
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi Mike,
I enjoyed your poem very much. The art is awesome and makes a beautiful presentation. Your first stanza I can relate too, as I often do the same. My favorite stanza.........
A blanket that floats down
and comforts your fear
Possibly like a bauble that becomes
an heirloom, that you can hold dear
Thanks for sharing. God bless and best wishes!
mtngalofnc
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008
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Hi Mike,
I enjoyed your poem very much. The art is awesome and makes a beautiful presentation. Your first stanza I can relate too, as I often do the same. My favorite stanza.........
A blanket that floats down
and comforts your fear
Possibly like a bauble that becomes
an heirloom, that you can hold dear
Thanks for sharing. God bless and best wishes!
mtngalofnc
Comment Written 13-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008
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lol- That's why I don't feel lonely, we all do that. Thank you for sharing with me your favorite stanza, the compliments and this reveiw. May you be blessed with a great week ahead, too. Mike
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi Mike. I wonder if you were talking about someone presently with you, or someone you're hoping to meet. As for the second case, I used to write about that person too, and I just know the feeling.
I enjoyed reading these thoughts, and I thing they are just charming. :)
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2008
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Hi Mike. I wonder if you were talking about someone presently with you, or someone you're hoping to meet. As for the second case, I used to write about that person too, and I just know the feeling.
I enjoyed reading these thoughts, and I thing they are just charming. :)
Comment Written 02-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2008
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I am very protective of my thoughts and the person, I only met them once but really hope to meet them again as they unwittingly became an inspiration in my life. Since there was a bit of Tom Foolery involved I have been completely accepting of any contingent, yet I hope that one is not seeing them at the convention. I would hate to have to got through this world with out the trust of the truth. A beautiful feeling, I agree. (That Shy Quiet Woman) lol
I thank you very much for your compliments and this review.
Comment from Judian James
"I hope all of these thoughts weave
together into a beautifully painted scene
and are your warmth and comfort, so
you never have any bad dreams" I think you've succeeded Mike. This is lovely. I read it this morning quickly before heading out to work and there were several typos. I notice you've managed to fix them and improve the piece considerably. well done
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2008
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"I hope all of these thoughts weave
together into a beautifully painted scene
and are your warmth and comfort, so
you never have any bad dreams" I think you've succeeded Mike. This is lovely. I read it this morning quickly before heading out to work and there were several typos. I notice you've managed to fix them and improve the piece considerably. well done
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2008
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Jude, I do the best that I do and one of the things that I value the most about FanStory is the ability to finetune my works. I poured my heart into this one and just was too fatigued to continue. Most reviewers are very understanding and give me a chance t fix things. Thank you so very much for your compliments and this review. Also for sharing with me your favorite, that one is mine too. Mike
Comment from Diny
waited to long.
TOO not to long
lovely phrase here=Carried through the winds
of time;
here?=
along you path hopping along. did you mean your path/ the you feels wrong
here- coded flittings of fireflies. you make me think odf dusk we are having tons of these nightly!
watch the superfulous words sometimes that is not needed and could be improved upon such as here=
Possibly like a bauble that becomes
an heirloom you can hold so dear.
or use which/ or when
Possibly like a bauble which becomes
an heirloom; when held you feel me near.
feels like you mean lit instead of light here
lantern lit enough
again here:
warmth on comfort so
warmth and comfort so
or
warmth of comfort so
Here- I hope mine thoughts are captured
I hope my thoughts are captured
OR
I hope that mine are captured and
Lovely poem actually just read it out loud and you will see where the tenses and phrasings could be better- also it may help to figure out where to breakeach line naturally-
a precious gift for a love if it is meant that way- Write on i enjoyed this-Di
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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waited to long.
TOO not to long
lovely phrase here=Carried through the winds
of time;
here?=
along you path hopping along. did you mean your path/ the you feels wrong
here- coded flittings of fireflies. you make me think odf dusk we are having tons of these nightly!
watch the superfulous words sometimes that is not needed and could be improved upon such as here=
Possibly like a bauble that becomes
an heirloom you can hold so dear.
or use which/ or when
Possibly like a bauble which becomes
an heirloom; when held you feel me near.
feels like you mean lit instead of light here
lantern lit enough
again here:
warmth on comfort so
warmth and comfort so
or
warmth of comfort so
Here- I hope mine thoughts are captured
I hope my thoughts are captured
OR
I hope that mine are captured and
Lovely poem actually just read it out loud and you will see where the tenses and phrasings could be better- also it may help to figure out where to breakeach line naturally-
a precious gift for a love if it is meant that way- Write on i enjoyed this-Di
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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Thank you for taking the time to review this, many of the changes have been made or restructured such as, "A Japanese lantern built lightly enough that a candle flame causes it to float." I also thank you for the compliments.
To be honest, I plan to use recording instead of publishing and I do keep that production in mind. I sort of use parsing similar to Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull fame in my considerations.
Comment from Twomoon
Mike.......ah, my heart. This was so beautiful, gentle, soft, and full of spirit and magic! You captured me and carried me on the fireflies wings over this blanket of love...hope you don't mind that I jumped off and landed softly on the gossamer! Where I proceeded to look around at all the lovely colors of your song that filled the air with mystery! ah, this poem so well written with fun, adventure, hugs, and sighs...I hope it reaches them, also...beautiful poetry, my dear friend..much love twomoon..so many lovely lines cant pick one..really!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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Mike.......ah, my heart. This was so beautiful, gentle, soft, and full of spirit and magic! You captured me and carried me on the fireflies wings over this blanket of love...hope you don't mind that I jumped off and landed softly on the gossamer! Where I proceeded to look around at all the lovely colors of your song that filled the air with mystery! ah, this poem so well written with fun, adventure, hugs, and sighs...I hope it reaches them, also...beautiful poetry, my dear friend..much love twomoon..so many lovely lines cant pick one..really!
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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I was thinking about much of my poetry as of late and just wanted to do a poem that lets those someone specials know that I still have those great basic thoughts in me. I could have went on with this one, as this is about a thrid of what I thought up. I just hope that somehow, this poems will get them thinking about a special thought that has been devoted to them by a little of nature's magic. Perfect for a self consious person.
I am also trying to take my mind off of vampiresses and wherewolve's as I am trying to keep out of my head, how to impress on with an imortal life. This reflects in my poetry as I have come up with one with a photograph that would excite Edgar Allen Poe's apprehension while reading this. lol I have thought up an informal form called MikeKu, sort of combination of Hiaku and Seynru without the structural limitations, yet leaving a hint for enlightenment.
Thank you so much for your compliments and this review. Hugs and much love, Mike K2
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you self conscious?? smile, you do not seem that way to me, you write pretty freely to me, I think?..smile again!! But, I am not her so it might be more difficult so I understand..lol, you cannot get the vampire out of your head...naughty..haha..I think you should write a poem about it..when I took journalism in school I had to write a story and my teacher said I wrote like Edgar Allen Poe..this was high school, well, I was not sure who he was but I became a fan after that..love him..have a perfect day, sweet one..much love twomoon
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Ha Ha! All that I know is that I have been messed with. I could write a poem title, "I think, yet I don't know." I sort of write as if I was a brush pilot and this satisifies my adventureness and I guess just enough of my ego. I never had any formal writing classes, though I read many of the text books, just my father who must be rolling over in his grave.
I did find somtehing out. The whole poeint of, "My Poetry! The Naked Truth," was that I wanted my poems to have certain qualities irregardless of me. I check out your portfolio and found on recent one, "Naked Poem." It seems that you enjoyed writing that one. When I penned mine, I guess that I was so irrate that I didn't realize there were any other, but yours must have influenced mime, if even in appreciating the point that yours made. Hey! Have a great day! Hugs, Mike
Comment from PoesyPoet
This is such a sweet, innocent sounding a very unique piece of writing Mike. Well done on all accounts.
I can easily see how thoughts come out at varying times and you've described each situation perfect.
Celeste
A few things: "Other(s) miss their mark(-s) as I waited to long.
and your last sentence: "I hope mine (my) thoughts are captured
and held in the cage of your heart"
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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This is such a sweet, innocent sounding a very unique piece of writing Mike. Well done on all accounts.
I can easily see how thoughts come out at varying times and you've described each situation perfect.
Celeste
A few things: "Other(s) miss their mark(-s) as I waited to long.
and your last sentence: "I hope mine (my) thoughts are captured
and held in the cage of your heart"
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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There turned out to be a few more, but I made the corrections. I thank you for your compliments and this review. Mike K2
Comment from eraserlynch
Great poem and a very enjoyable read with some well chosen words that flowed really easily as I read through. Look forward to reading more soon.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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Great poem and a very enjoyable read with some well chosen words that flowed really easily as I read through. Look forward to reading more soon.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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Thank you so much for your compliments and this review.
Comment from archanascribbles
Good thoughts flowing. I just feel, it could have been shorter, but the flow is very good. The contradiction of the thoughts is well presented, I feel, its just what we all go through every minute of the life... have I had a moment in life lately when I have had NO THOUGHTS at all...
Keep Writing!
AJ
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Good thoughts flowing. I just feel, it could have been shorter, but the flow is very good. The contradiction of the thoughts is well presented, I feel, its just what we all go through every minute of the life... have I had a moment in life lately when I have had NO THOUGHTS at all...
Keep Writing!
AJ
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
Comment from Merry Peace
hi maki
dilemma surrounded by the writer particular of poet is captured successfully.rushing lot of thoughts sometime make writer puzzled and force to retreat.but go through and axamine it in detail that is the great thing .you showed frankly and honestly all that .it is a guiding for those who surrounded such conflct.i appreciate it .as it is very close to real situation.well done i like it.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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hi maki
dilemma surrounded by the writer particular of poet is captured successfully.rushing lot of thoughts sometime make writer puzzled and force to retreat.but go through and axamine it in detail that is the great thing .you showed frankly and honestly all that .it is a guiding for those who surrounded such conflct.i appreciate it .as it is very close to real situation.well done i like it.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts, the compliments and this review.-Mike
Comment from kittybaby
I found this poem to long, try to shorten it a little.
Also, there wasn't much punctuation in it either.
I really think you rushed it a liitle.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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I found this poem to long, try to shorten it a little.
Also, there wasn't much punctuation in it either.
I really think you rushed it a liitle.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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Not rushed, just extremely fatigued. I work six hours, spend time on FS and get a two hour nap...Twice a day. The initial posting is just the first step, then I correct and tighten it a bit. I like the length as it was actually three times longer with the analogies.
