Ridding Yourself of Demons
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Ess"A man summons a demon but gets more than he wanted
5 total reviews
Comment from mmichelle97219
Now this is a chick I would like to get to know. She seems like my sort. Actually alot of the folks Paul is running ton seem my sort. Sort of the work-a-day anti preppy. I can't wait to see where this goes.
Michelle
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2008
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Now this is a chick I would like to get to know. She seems like my sort. Actually alot of the folks Paul is running ton seem my sort. Sort of the work-a-day anti preppy. I can't wait to see where this goes.
Michelle
Comment Written 27-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2008
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Glad you're still with me. Thansk for the review
Comment from Costa J John
Enjoyable chapter. The more I read the more I enjoy the interactions with Scarth, they are very amusing encounters indeed.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2008
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Enjoyable chapter. The more I read the more I enjoy the interactions with Scarth, they are very amusing encounters indeed.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2008
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Thank you. I'm glad you like it.
Comment from Sissy
Hi snod,
I'm kinda worried about Ess. Maybe Scarth will be so busy with his music...? We'll see!
Very good description throughout. You've increased my feeling of grossness about Scarth, and your description of Ess was excellent.
Totally enjoyed. Not much to pick on! Just check these out:
He sneezed, and a gob of green snot hung from a nostril. (<--GROSS!)
"Radio Two. Terry Wogan. Knock yourself out." (Terry Wogan is unknown to me? Anything I should know about?)
Scarth mournfully took the earpieces. (Not sure you need 'mournfully' here. Kind of implied. Also, CAN you mournfully take something? What do you think?) He sniffed long and loudly, a sound that would put a starving man off food for life, and went to put one of the
Her age, as far as Paul could make out, was perhaps twenty(-)three.
The gardens were crowded with tourists, office workers and students. (can switch around to lose passive 'were crowded'. 'Tourists, office workers and students crowded the gardens.'??)
Ess her closed her eyes, her (<--can eliminate this 'her') back straight, her (<--can eliminate this 'her') hands held in the classic yoga position on her knees. "
Take care,
Sis
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2008
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Hi snod,
I'm kinda worried about Ess. Maybe Scarth will be so busy with his music...? We'll see!
Very good description throughout. You've increased my feeling of grossness about Scarth, and your description of Ess was excellent.
Totally enjoyed. Not much to pick on! Just check these out:
He sneezed, and a gob of green snot hung from a nostril. (<--GROSS!)
"Radio Two. Terry Wogan. Knock yourself out." (Terry Wogan is unknown to me? Anything I should know about?)
Scarth mournfully took the earpieces. (Not sure you need 'mournfully' here. Kind of implied. Also, CAN you mournfully take something? What do you think?) He sniffed long and loudly, a sound that would put a starving man off food for life, and went to put one of the
Her age, as far as Paul could make out, was perhaps twenty(-)three.
The gardens were crowded with tourists, office workers and students. (can switch around to lose passive 'were crowded'. 'Tourists, office workers and students crowded the gardens.'??)
Ess her closed her eyes, her (<--can eliminate this 'her') back straight, her (<--can eliminate this 'her') hands held in the classic yoga position on her knees. "
Take care,
Sis
Comment Written 27-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2008
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Five stars!!!!!! Result! I checked and checked this for passives before I posted it.
Joking aside, I've always appreciated your honesty, and when I get a 5 (or on that one memorable occasion a 6) I know I've earned it.
Terry Wogan is a UK institution. He made his name as an easy-listening DJ on Radio Two, which is a BBC radio station for wrinklies. He comes into his own, though, commentating on the Eurovision Song Contest, taking the mickey out of all the serious entries.
Thanks as ever.
Comment from Rajasir
What a story you have here! An absolutely new experience for me. The phrase "Sing gone" made my little daughter laugh for a very long time.Even now, while she is typing this , she is smiling.
Bless you,
Rajasir
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2008
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What a story you have here! An absolutely new experience for me. The phrase "Sing gone" made my little daughter laugh for a very long time.Even now, while she is typing this , she is smiling.
Bless you,
Rajasir
Comment Written 27-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2008
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I'm grateful for every smile I can get. Thanks for your review.
Comment from nor84
You might want to take a look at the use of the word "headphones". It appears in the first paragraph, third paragraph, fifth paragraph and sixth paragraph.
You wrote: There's the gardens there, we can sit on the grass in front of a hundred witnesses, and anyway, I'm meeting some friends there later. -- that's three uses of "there" in the same sentence. you can get rid of one of them by deleting the last one.
This is a very cute story, and I like your little demon, even if he does the people occasionally.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2008
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You might want to take a look at the use of the word "headphones". It appears in the first paragraph, third paragraph, fifth paragraph and sixth paragraph.
You wrote: There's the gardens there, we can sit on the grass in front of a hundred witnesses, and anyway, I'm meeting some friends there later. -- that's three uses of "there" in the same sentence. you can get rid of one of them by deleting the last one.
This is a very cute story, and I like your little demon, even if he does the people occasionally.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2008
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The headphones are a tricky one. I've already substituted 'earpieces' for them a couple of times, but there are only so many synonyms. A very valid point on there thoug. Thanks for your review. Glad you're enjoying it.
