Ridding Yourself of Demons
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Pit"A man summons a demon but gets more than he wanted
6 total reviews
Comment from mmichelle97219
It seems the longer they ar together the more caring Paul gets to Scarth. Almost like an adopted child. I wonder if when he really finds a way to get rid of him if Paul actually will. Or maybe scarth will just get a demon promotion. Another good post.
Michelle
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2008
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It seems the longer they ar together the more caring Paul gets to Scarth. Almost like an adopted child. I wonder if when he really finds a way to get rid of him if Paul actually will. Or maybe scarth will just get a demon promotion. Another good post.
Michelle
Comment Written 25-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2008
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Stop looking at my notes!
I have the epilogue in my head, regarding Scarth's ultimate destiny. I'm not sure that's how the book will finally end, because it keeps twisting as I write it. We shall see.
Thank you for your comments
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Some stories write themselves and any good book has a lot of character development between the "action" it great to have a story arc where we see the change in the characters. It is what makes for a lasting impression with the reader. One that makes it something they read repeatedly until the copy needs to be replaced.
;-)
Michelle
Comment from Sissy
Hi snod,
Again, some really good comedy here. Loved Scarth on the clothing rack, spinning around. I kinda wish I tried that as a kid!
Overall, very entertaining, good description. You know, you are making us feel a little sorry for the demon - !
Some things to check out:
Paul didn't trust Scarth on his own, so he took him when he went clothes-shopping. (I wasn't sure about the use of the dash here, snod. I've never seen that before. But I've got nothing to back me up. Your call.)
Scarth rode the shopping trolley as though it were a rollercoaster ride. He stood in the basket, leaning forward and calling out the occasional 'faster!' as Paul bought a few changes of clothes and a cheap holdall. (at this point he hasn't bought them, right? He's just grabbing items and putting them in the cart?)
, he noticed an ('an' or 'the'?) absence of Scarth. The aisle was clear.
It was one of those that allowed a shopper to stand still and rotate the rack, for the man too lazy to walk around it. (not sure about 'the man'. At first I was like, what man? Do you mean just 'man' in general?)
Scarth was holding (try just 'held') onto the rack as it spun on its axle,
, unless demonically(-)possessed shop fittings were everyday occurrences to the sophisticated London shopper.
Paul looked around. Apart from a curious stare from a member of staff, people were ignoring (ignored?) him.
Perhaps talking to himself was attracting (attracted) more attention than Scarth's antics
He had better not hustle at the Kings Head, either, now that he was staying there. Still, that was a problem for tomorrow. Now he had a change of clothes, he could start on the long-term plan of ridding himself of Scarth. (watch the 'had's and 'was's in this sequence, snod.)
"What are you talking about? We're just ...(.) Oh, wait.
Scarth nodded,()but his expression didn't change.
Paul grabbed Scarth's wrist and dragged him towards (just 'toward', I think) the escalators.
and looked back. Several steps back a suited city gent was giving Paul an odd look. (looked back/ steps back/'look' - watch the 'look's and 'back's.)
Paul wondered if air-conditioning was demon-possessed, people only noticing its hum when it unexpectedly stopped. Had he been possessed by a particular demon through puberty, making him invisible to all the girls he was attracted to? (I had a hart time switching from the air conditioning (did it stop, or is he just thinking about it) and the puberty comment. Love the puberty one, though! :) )
Hope this helps!
Take care,
Sis
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2008
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Hi snod,
Again, some really good comedy here. Loved Scarth on the clothing rack, spinning around. I kinda wish I tried that as a kid!
Overall, very entertaining, good description. You know, you are making us feel a little sorry for the demon - !
Some things to check out:
Paul didn't trust Scarth on his own, so he took him when he went clothes-shopping. (I wasn't sure about the use of the dash here, snod. I've never seen that before. But I've got nothing to back me up. Your call.)
Scarth rode the shopping trolley as though it were a rollercoaster ride. He stood in the basket, leaning forward and calling out the occasional 'faster!' as Paul bought a few changes of clothes and a cheap holdall. (at this point he hasn't bought them, right? He's just grabbing items and putting them in the cart?)
, he noticed an ('an' or 'the'?) absence of Scarth. The aisle was clear.
It was one of those that allowed a shopper to stand still and rotate the rack, for the man too lazy to walk around it. (not sure about 'the man'. At first I was like, what man? Do you mean just 'man' in general?)
Scarth was holding (try just 'held') onto the rack as it spun on its axle,
, unless demonically(-)possessed shop fittings were everyday occurrences to the sophisticated London shopper.
Paul looked around. Apart from a curious stare from a member of staff, people were ignoring (ignored?) him.
Perhaps talking to himself was attracting (attracted) more attention than Scarth's antics
He had better not hustle at the Kings Head, either, now that he was staying there. Still, that was a problem for tomorrow. Now he had a change of clothes, he could start on the long-term plan of ridding himself of Scarth. (watch the 'had's and 'was's in this sequence, snod.)
"What are you talking about? We're just ...(.) Oh, wait.
Scarth nodded,()but his expression didn't change.
Paul grabbed Scarth's wrist and dragged him towards (just 'toward', I think) the escalators.
and looked back. Several steps back a suited city gent was giving Paul an odd look. (looked back/ steps back/'look' - watch the 'look's and 'back's.)
Paul wondered if air-conditioning was demon-possessed, people only noticing its hum when it unexpectedly stopped. Had he been possessed by a particular demon through puberty, making him invisible to all the girls he was attracted to? (I had a hart time switching from the air conditioning (did it stop, or is he just thinking about it) and the puberty comment. Love the puberty one, though! :) )
Hope this helps!
Take care,
Sis
Comment Written 25-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2008
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The toward/towards thin is a tranaltantic thing, I think. Over here we go towards things rather than toward things (Though we make untoward coments). the man too lazy is like the man who has everything, the man who know what he wants. Is that not a common construction over there?
I wasn't happy about the air-con comparison. That is, I like the idea, but it did seem a little forced, even to me. I'll think on it.
Scarth is becoming a little less pure evil as the story progresses (and will continue to do so). Paul a little less sympathetic, I hope, and may become more so. He has, after all, already robbed bodies and been complicit in murder. I don't like black and white characters in books and films, so I want to see if I can play with people's perceptions a tad, but shhhh it's a secret.
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Hey snod,
Got the 'toward' thing - won't hound you on that anymore!! :) As for the 'man' sentence, consider just kicking the 'the' and using only 'man'. See if that works for you!
Take care, and yeah, thanks for making sorta like a murdering demon! You're screwin' w/ my head! :)
Sis
Comment from Atruthckr
Very good images (train=Pit of Pain with its dragon breath; demon-possessed air conditioning). You have a very well-written and intriguing story going here. I would love to find out what happens next! --Atruthckr
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2008
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Very good images (train=Pit of Pain with its dragon breath; demon-possessed air conditioning). You have a very well-written and intriguing story going here. I would love to find out what happens next! --Atruthckr
Comment Written 25-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2008
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Well, I have to say, I am impressed by your stamina. My jaw dropped this morning when I saw 9 reviews, but all from the same person? Kudos!
Thank you very much for sticking with it and your comments. They are appreciated
Comment from Costa J John
Enjoyable. Not sure if you need to repeat the storyline in the beginning about the fact that he is trying to get rid of him etc. Because it is part of a novel that explains that earlier. Nicep chapter.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2008
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Enjoyable. Not sure if you need to repeat the storyline in the beginning about the fact that he is trying to get rid of him etc. Because it is part of a novel that explains that earlier. Nicep chapter.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2008
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The storyline at the beginning is a section Fanstory reccomends
Glad you liked the chapter. Thanks for the review
Comment from WildWithWords
G'day Snoddy.
Hahaha ! Great visual of Scarth on that clothes rack. Wonderful.
A very amusing chapter. I like how you manipulated regular everyday things into something demonic when seen through Scarth's eyes - the escalator down to hell, the demon's breath rush of air as the train approached through the tunnel. Good imaginative stuff.
One small typo....
"Pau(L) grabbed Scarth's wrist and dragged him towards the
escalators".
Keep up the good work.
Bill.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2008
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G'day Snoddy.
Hahaha ! Great visual of Scarth on that clothes rack. Wonderful.
A very amusing chapter. I like how you manipulated regular everyday things into something demonic when seen through Scarth's eyes - the escalator down to hell, the demon's breath rush of air as the train approached through the tunnel. Good imaginative stuff.
One small typo....
"Pau(L) grabbed Scarth's wrist and dragged him towards the
escalators".
Keep up the good work.
Bill.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2008
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You know, I read these things over and over, and still the obvious typos escape me. Thank you for that.
The visuals of Scarth shopping come from having had to drag small children around clothing stores. Nowadays, it tends to be the other way round, but the memories still haunt me. Maybe that's why my evil demon is so child-like.
Glad you're still enjoying this.
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Dear Snoddy,
Oh i AM enjoying this one.
Tell me... have you ever seen an old b/w movie called Trilogy of Terror, starring Karen Black ? ( I looked it up to get the year - 1975 - and found it was released in the USA as Tales of Terror - Terror and the Doll , so where you are it could be any of these ).
Scarth brings back memories of the Zuni warrior doll in the last part of that 3 part movie ( you can read a synopsis on Wikipedia - "Trilogy of Terror" way down the bottom of the page under "Amelia" ).
Bill.
Comment from AbigailDavid
Hello, i enjoyed this chapter. You have some good dialogue in here that really shows your characters, and your technical writing is always of a high standard.
A good entertaining story, even though I have gaps in the narrative...I've been away.
No 'nits' with this chatper, thanks for sharing your writing, Abigail
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2008
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Hello, i enjoyed this chapter. You have some good dialogue in here that really shows your characters, and your technical writing is always of a high standard.
A good entertaining story, even though I have gaps in the narrative...I've been away.
No 'nits' with this chatper, thanks for sharing your writing, Abigail
Comment Written 24-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2008
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Thank you. I'm glad you're still enjoying it
