Precious Gems: An Anthology
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "The Hardened Land"A Rhyming Collection of Treasured Works
23 total reviews
Comment from BarnCat
Way to go Paca!!! This is "Exceptional: Simply Outstanding" in the truest sense! Not only is it rhymed and metered, there is a depth and tragic beauty to your words. Surely you have been down this road for you have written of it with a soulful eloquence. I love the man you created, and would do whatever I could to comfort him -- but I have not lived in a hardened land, and I am pretty sure it would toughen a woman's heart too. Again, a staggering piece, I think one of your best. DBL
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Way to go Paca!!! This is "Exceptional: Simply Outstanding" in the truest sense! Not only is it rhymed and metered, there is a depth and tragic beauty to your words. Surely you have been down this road for you have written of it with a soulful eloquence. I love the man you created, and would do whatever I could to comfort him -- but I have not lived in a hardened land, and I am pretty sure it would toughen a woman's heart too. Again, a staggering piece, I think one of your best. DBL
Comment Written 23-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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As said in pm, thank you very much BarnCat for your encouraging, thoughtful and heartfelt comments, and of course, the high rating. Very much appreciated. But as I always say, it's my privilege to have written something that anyone thinks is worthy of an exceptional rating. So, yet again, thank you so ver much DBL xoxoxoxoxoxo
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
alpacalady, my father was a farmer from the time he was 10 until he was 63. He finally walked away and said it was no longer worth it although he loved the land with a passion. He turned to landscaping where he at least knew he could turn a profit after every job. Your poem says it best. Even the most hardened man can be broken by the weather.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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alpacalady, my father was a farmer from the time he was 10 until he was 63. He finally walked away and said it was no longer worth it although he loved the land with a passion. He turned to landscaping where he at least knew he could turn a profit after every job. Your poem says it best. Even the most hardened man can be broken by the weather.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Coming from someone who knows what this would be like, I take your comments as very high praise, and huge encouragement. I thank you for your thoughts, and I am glad your Dad found something to replace the hole that would have been left in his heart. Doubtful that he has filled it completely, but at least he did not give up completely. Please pass on my appreciation for his courage under fire, so to speak.
Again, thank you so very much for this review; it is humbly accepted and hugely appreciated. xoxoxoxoxo
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I'd love to but he passed on to the greener pastures of heaven in March of 2002. Thanks.
Comment from Johnny Carwash
Love the harsh imagery of this one. It's accented by the picture you chose to accompany your words. All in all, a very solid effort.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Love the harsh imagery of this one. It's accented by the picture you chose to accompany your words. All in all, a very solid effort.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Thanks so much Johnny. I'm glad you enjoyed this one xoxoxoxoxoxo
Comment from Spiraleye
This is potentially a great piece. It need to flow a bit smoother and maybe change the word comes in the 2nd stanza to came??/What do you think? It's always good to keep verbs in the same tense
Peace Spiraleye
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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This is potentially a great piece. It need to flow a bit smoother and maybe change the word comes in the 2nd stanza to came??/What do you think? It's always good to keep verbs in the same tense
Peace Spiraleye
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Ah, correct grammar be blowed! Sometimes, mixing tenses can work well in poetry I think, and sticking to correct grammar/tenses can make a work come across a bit stilted in my humble view Your suggestions are very much appreciated though, but in that line I wanted to bring out that the "wall" hadn't quite come down yet, but it was happening...
Again, thanks for an honest and thoughtful review. My way of looking at it, is you can't win 'em all! And I've been experimenting with using more "poetic terminology", as such, with the last couple I've done, and have received at least one review like this one. I sometimes laugh a bit to myself, as reading some of the works of famous long-dead poets, I've seen that they sure didn't stick to correct grammar all the time either! And now, their works are revered regardless...
Again, thank you, and peace back to you Spiraleye! xoxoxoxox
Comment from charissw
This is absolutely excellent. You used graphic imagery to take the reader to the place of grief and despair felt by the farmer. It was just wonderful though the story was sad and felt true. Having been a farmer's daughter myself, I truly understand the grief and prayers offered. You portrayed it very well.
As a reviewer, I see nothing that would add to or could take away from your work. Kudos!
Blessings, Chariss
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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This is absolutely excellent. You used graphic imagery to take the reader to the place of grief and despair felt by the farmer. It was just wonderful though the story was sad and felt true. Having been a farmer's daughter myself, I truly understand the grief and prayers offered. You portrayed it very well.
As a reviewer, I see nothing that would add to or could take away from your work. Kudos!
Blessings, Chariss
Comment Written 23-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Thank you very much charissw. I do like that word "kudos"! I've never been sure if it started with a 'c' or 'k' tho' - now I know!! I appreciate your comments, and am glad you liked this one! xoxoxoxox
Comment from bard owl
This is very moving. The failure of the land, some men would feel, is a reflective failure of themselves to provide for their families. Seeing a man cry bitter tears is one of this world's saddest sights. Your poems continuity is amazing and the imagery, profound. It flows smoothly and tells a heartrending tale of failure that far too many people have experienced. Excellent writing from the heart. Blessings, Linda
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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This is very moving. The failure of the land, some men would feel, is a reflective failure of themselves to provide for their families. Seeing a man cry bitter tears is one of this world's saddest sights. Your poems continuity is amazing and the imagery, profound. It flows smoothly and tells a heartrending tale of failure that far too many people have experienced. Excellent writing from the heart. Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 23-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Thank you Linda. It is a saddening sight seeing a hard, solid man break down when his land lets him down...
I'm happy you liked this one, and appreciate your thoughtful comments, as always Blessings back 2u xoxoxoxoxo
Comment from Varlow
Beautiful rendering with such great feeling.
I really could feel the old man's pain
You certainly can stir one's depths
Keep writing
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Beautiful rendering with such great feeling.
I really could feel the old man's pain
You certainly can stir one's depths
Keep writing
Comment Written 23-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Well, I thank you for such an encouraging review, and the 6-star rating. It's always great to get such a rating, and if I'm lucky enough to get one for a work, I'm grateful. I'm also very glad you liked this one Varlow, and appreciate your review and thoughts xoxoxoxoxoxo
Comment from storymama
What a heartbreaking story your poem tells. I don't know of anything that will bring me to tears faster than when a hard man who shows no emotion, finally allows his tears to flow. I did not see any corrections needed unless it is a bit in meter, but not that I could be of help. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. God bless you. Laura
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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What a heartbreaking story your poem tells. I don't know of anything that will bring me to tears faster than when a hard man who shows no emotion, finally allows his tears to flow. I did not see any corrections needed unless it is a bit in meter, but not that I could be of help. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. God bless you. Laura
Comment Written 23-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Yeh, the meter got out a touch here and there, but sometimes in the world of poetry, it's hard to stick to that "correct" syllable count! But I'm glad that, even so, you liked this one enough to rate it 5. Thank you for an excellent review. Blessings to you Laura xoxoxoxoxxo
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You are very welcome. I know, to some, meter is everything, but your message is so heartfelt and the meter was very, very close. God bless you. Laura
Comment from littleones
A stunning work of poetry here, filled with images. Cryng alone with his giref, only God He needs to hear him. His familly, he will protect from his pain.
I tried to look up newfound...perhaps its an Aussie compound word.
The meter was so dedicated, and though it does jump to 9 syllables, I felt it a little here:
Nor see the pain still living inside (could use "lives")
That is nothing really that takes away...the opening line with the same doesn't sound affected, nor the ending, maybe because reader comes to slow to the conclusion...But I am no critic and use my New York inflection :)
I would have given 6 stars here if I wasn't quick out from the gate this week.
HUGS FFOR YOU AND THE ALPACAS
Marea
Update: liked the change :)
I saw a 6-star here last night in my pocketbook...where does it go to? I wanted to bring it here....I will gladly pay you when I get that sneaky dickens....Its yours.
Marea
Ran it down and found it, stole it from the mouth of a wild dingo...BINGO...chuckles as I leave the 6-star :)
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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A stunning work of poetry here, filled with images. Cryng alone with his giref, only God He needs to hear him. His familly, he will protect from his pain.
I tried to look up newfound...perhaps its an Aussie compound word.
The meter was so dedicated, and though it does jump to 9 syllables, I felt it a little here:
Nor see the pain still living inside (could use "lives")
That is nothing really that takes away...the opening line with the same doesn't sound affected, nor the ending, maybe because reader comes to slow to the conclusion...But I am no critic and use my New York inflection :)
I would have given 6 stars here if I wasn't quick out from the gate this week.
HUGS FFOR YOU AND THE ALPACAS
Marea
Update: liked the change :)
I saw a 6-star here last night in my pocketbook...where does it go to? I wanted to bring it here....I will gladly pay you when I get that sneaky dickens....Its yours.
Marea
Ran it down and found it, stole it from the mouth of a wild dingo...BINGO...chuckles as I leave the 6-star :)
Comment Written 23-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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I am ruminating over that line! I do see what you mean here, but I can't think yet of another way to reduce the syllable count there without losing the emotional thread, so to speak.
I'm happy that you liked this one littleones, and appreciate that you would have rated it a 6 - your comments put it up there anyway!
Again, thanks so very much, and I'll pass on your well wishes to my 'pacas! Hugs back to you Marea xoxoxoxoxox
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Nor see the pain still lives inside
but its great..might just be my own tongue...i did love that poem.
Comment from Rajasir
Very good and well balanced description you have presented in these poetic lines of yours. Man against nature is a very interesting subject for a poem.
Bless you,
Rajasir
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Very good and well balanced description you have presented in these poetic lines of yours. Man against nature is a very interesting subject for a poem.
Bless you,
Rajasir
Comment Written 23-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2008
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Thank you Rajasir. I'm glad you liked this one, and appreciate your comments and rating. Bless you right back! xoxoxoxoxo
