Wasted
About misdirected priorities49 total reviews
Comment from Nanny 6
I agree with your notes. Man is always wanting to explore above and beyond and seem to ignore humanity every time. It's mind baffling. Your poem rhymed and flowed smoothly and I enjoyed the message. Judy
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
  |
I agree with your notes. Man is always wanting to explore above and beyond and seem to ignore humanity every time. It's mind baffling. Your poem rhymed and flowed smoothly and I enjoyed the message. Judy
Comment Written 20-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
-
thank s my friend
Comment from rama devi
I agree with your message whole heartedly. In fact, I once wrote oa poem of similar intent years ago. This poem is articulate, well written and speaks volumes. I do not mind the lack of punctuation, since the sentences are clearly defined without it. But I would love to see more breathing space between the lines. I think a few spaces would give it a pace that allows the reader to reflect and ponder as they read it. Having it in a block form without pauses makes one read through it too quickly....maybe just me! I think the poem sounds like a group of rhymed couplets, so perhaps a couplet style would be fitting?
Looking to the stars above
losing sight of the earth we love
Seeking answers in outer space
ignoring the problems of the human race
Pressing on no matter what the cost
millions wasted precious lives lost
The answers we need are here on earth
Buried in the planet of our birth
Problems don't just go away
hunger and pain are here to stay
Lack of money is not at fault
the government has resources in the vault
At issue is where it's being spent
forcing the Feds to account for every cent
starving people and the homeless ignored
Money wasted on destruction and war
But this suggestion does not mean the present format is not perfectly acceptable. So no stars are detracted. I think it is only a matter of style preferences.
The closing is a strong note to finish on. It is a very good poem. Applause and appreciation!
Warm regards,
rama devi
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
|
I agree with your message whole heartedly. In fact, I once wrote oa poem of similar intent years ago. This poem is articulate, well written and speaks volumes. I do not mind the lack of punctuation, since the sentences are clearly defined without it. But I would love to see more breathing space between the lines. I think a few spaces would give it a pace that allows the reader to reflect and ponder as they read it. Having it in a block form without pauses makes one read through it too quickly....maybe just me! I think the poem sounds like a group of rhymed couplets, so perhaps a couplet style would be fitting?
Looking to the stars above
losing sight of the earth we love
Seeking answers in outer space
ignoring the problems of the human race
Pressing on no matter what the cost
millions wasted precious lives lost
The answers we need are here on earth
Buried in the planet of our birth
Problems don't just go away
hunger and pain are here to stay
Lack of money is not at fault
the government has resources in the vault
At issue is where it's being spent
forcing the Feds to account for every cent
starving people and the homeless ignored
Money wasted on destruction and war
But this suggestion does not mean the present format is not perfectly acceptable. So no stars are detracted. I think it is only a matter of style preferences.
The closing is a strong note to finish on. It is a very good poem. Applause and appreciation!
Warm regards,
rama devi
Comment Written 20-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
-
thank s my friend
Comment from madrigalpoet
Five stars for being so bold. :o) I agree with you almost 100%, and have been saying as much for years. The only things I saw that were a little out of place were a couple of factual inconsistencies with things I've read. First, the vault is most likely empty, seeing as we borrow millions from China every DAY to finance our "war on terrorism". That, and the federal reserve is a private organization made up of shareholders whom no one knows the names of. What did you mean by they are "forced to account for every cent?" I think that feeding the hungry comes way before space exploration ever should. It is not a necessary thing for us to spend BILLIONS going out there just to see if we're someone else's aliens. We have vets without homes, for crying out loud. How in the name of God is that possible? Do you think our Founding Fathers could have foreseen that?
One other thing. I think if you are to begin some lines with capitals, you should begin all of them with caps. (Just being nitpicky. Nevermind me. ;o))
Great job! Have a terrific day!
MP
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
|
Five stars for being so bold. :o) I agree with you almost 100%, and have been saying as much for years. The only things I saw that were a little out of place were a couple of factual inconsistencies with things I've read. First, the vault is most likely empty, seeing as we borrow millions from China every DAY to finance our "war on terrorism". That, and the federal reserve is a private organization made up of shareholders whom no one knows the names of. What did you mean by they are "forced to account for every cent?" I think that feeding the hungry comes way before space exploration ever should. It is not a necessary thing for us to spend BILLIONS going out there just to see if we're someone else's aliens. We have vets without homes, for crying out loud. How in the name of God is that possible? Do you think our Founding Fathers could have foreseen that?
One other thing. I think if you are to begin some lines with capitals, you should begin all of them with caps. (Just being nitpicky. Nevermind me. ;o))
Great job! Have a terrific day!
MP
Comment Written 20-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
-
good point but my point is is we are using invisible resources to fund a war same resources could be used for other purposes as well thanks for the review
-
Absolutely. I believe we agree. :o)
Blessings,
Crissy
Comment from Domino
I agree with you entirely. Trouble is our politicians(mostly) want 'feel good factor' and sensationalism to take our minds off far more important matters 'closer to home'.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
|
I agree with you entirely. Trouble is our politicians(mostly) want 'feel good factor' and sensationalism to take our minds off far more important matters 'closer to home'.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
-
i agree thank you
Comment from Kentucky Sweet Pea
There is nothing wrong with recognizing that we dont have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. We can't afford these cruises to Mars yet, if ever. Don't apologize or seem like you're saying something others will not understand. We do. Your poem makes sense to me.
Pea
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
|
There is nothing wrong with recognizing that we dont have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. We can't afford these cruises to Mars yet, if ever. Don't apologize or seem like you're saying something others will not understand. We do. Your poem makes sense to me.
Pea
Comment Written 20-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
-
thank you
Comment from Costa J John
This is a very true and poignant message. It tackles broader more hardline issues than are typically dealt with in poetry, and is entertaining.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
|
This is a very true and poignant message. It tackles broader more hardline issues than are typically dealt with in poetry, and is entertaining.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
-
thank you John
Comment from steevie
I can see why you are so high in the poets rankings and this poem is just another example of your marvelous talent
keep them coming and I'll keep readin' 'em
steve
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2008
|
I can see why you are so high in the poets rankings and this poem is just another example of your marvelous talent
keep them coming and I'll keep readin' 'em
steve
Comment Written 19-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2008
-
thank you so much my friend
Comment from Teri7
Monte, This is a very good poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery from your words. Great job. Hugs, Teri
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2008
|
Monte, This is a very good poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery from your words. Great job. Hugs, Teri
Comment Written 19-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2008
-
thank you teri
Comment from Gypsymooncat
Brilliant work here Monte. Deserving of one of those elusive 6-s without doubt. You are right in what you say. The powers-that-be are never accountable it seems. And the homeless stay homeless and the starving stay starving.
A valuable message you've delivered here with your excellent penmanship my friend - well said! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2008
|
Brilliant work here Monte. Deserving of one of those elusive 6-s without doubt. You are right in what you say. The powers-that-be are never accountable it seems. And the homeless stay homeless and the starving stay starving.
A valuable message you've delivered here with your excellent penmanship my friend - well said! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Comment Written 19-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2008
-
thank you my friend wuv ya back
Comment from jshep
A well written poem with a potent message. Certainly no wasted words. Flawlessly direct. "the government has resources in the vault At issue is where it is being spent."- well said. That has always been the issue. A poem of with passionate sentiments. Excellent.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2008
|
A well written poem with a potent message. Certainly no wasted words. Flawlessly direct. "the government has resources in the vault At issue is where it is being spent."- well said. That has always been the issue. A poem of with passionate sentiments. Excellent.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2008
-
thank you
