Better Than Any Train Ride
A daughter's remembrance91 total reviews
Comment from Princess Michi
What a wonderful tribute to your father! My Grandma died 4 years ago and there's a tree that we planted together when I was a very little girl that we were always going to have a tea party under and never did....so I totally understand and relate to your wonderful story.
~~Michelle
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What a wonderful tribute to your father! My Grandma died 4 years ago and there's a tree that we planted together when I was a very little girl that we were always going to have a tea party under and never did....so I totally understand and relate to your wonderful story.
~~Michelle
Comment Written 12-Apr-2008
Comment from ledford
This was bery touching:-) He sounds like a great man.
I have just a few suggestions....
"Together we fished for bullheads and sunfishes on Sanford Lake and the Shiawassee Flats, built and painted a five foot tall, one hundred twenty foot long post and rail fence that is still standing and serviceable today, nearly fifty years later, and searched every December of my childhood until we found the "perfect" Christmas tree - the one that still housed a robin's nest and whose crooked branches had obviously offered protection to one of God's small creatures when northern Michigan's winter winds had shown no mercy." I think it would be helpful to seperate these with semi-colons
"Spades. And I'm goin' alone this time...for my partner." The Chicago Manual of Style recommends a space before and after an ellipse (pg. 460)
"And he always made sure that my mother put two glasses by his plate at dinner, so I could enjoy a sip of his Stroh's." Sweet!
I really enjoyed this:-) Keep up the good work!
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This was bery touching:-) He sounds like a great man.
I have just a few suggestions....
"Together we fished for bullheads and sunfishes on Sanford Lake and the Shiawassee Flats, built and painted a five foot tall, one hundred twenty foot long post and rail fence that is still standing and serviceable today, nearly fifty years later, and searched every December of my childhood until we found the "perfect" Christmas tree - the one that still housed a robin's nest and whose crooked branches had obviously offered protection to one of God's small creatures when northern Michigan's winter winds had shown no mercy." I think it would be helpful to seperate these with semi-colons
"Spades. And I'm goin' alone this time...for my partner." The Chicago Manual of Style recommends a space before and after an ellipse (pg. 460)
"And he always made sure that my mother put two glasses by his plate at dinner, so I could enjoy a sip of his Stroh's." Sweet!
I really enjoyed this:-) Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 12-Apr-2008
Comment from iamwrite
This is so heartwarming. Such a wonderful way to start my day. Your final paragraph made me cry. I wouldn't suggest changing anything. If I had six stars, or ten for that matter, you would get them. Truly wonderful story and flawless writing.
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This is so heartwarming. Such a wonderful way to start my day. Your final paragraph made me cry. I wouldn't suggest changing anything. If I had six stars, or ten for that matter, you would get them. Truly wonderful story and flawless writing.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2008
Comment from Norzah
This is a very heart warming story, filled with love between father and daughter, seldom heard among the modern generation of young people.
There was nothing exotic or extravagant in their relationship, just a normal life of an average family, but filled with moments of sharing fatherly love and daughterly care, right to the end. The promised train ride was never accomplished but what they went through together was more than a train ride. It was a luxury voyage over the ocean of parental love. I love the story.
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This is a very heart warming story, filled with love between father and daughter, seldom heard among the modern generation of young people.
There was nothing exotic or extravagant in their relationship, just a normal life of an average family, but filled with moments of sharing fatherly love and daughterly care, right to the end. The promised train ride was never accomplished but what they went through together was more than a train ride. It was a luxury voyage over the ocean of parental love. I love the story.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2008
Comment from ritter1116
A very touching story. Held my attention from the start. being from Flint I recognized a few of the places you mentioned. So you live in Travers City? Been there a few times. Used to go to Fife lake every 4th of July. My youngest daughter(Rachel) lives in Kalkaska now. Love it up in those parts. Anyway didn't see any spag just so you know and really liked the story a lot! Great job!
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2008
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A very touching story. Held my attention from the start. being from Flint I recognized a few of the places you mentioned. So you live in Travers City? Been there a few times. Used to go to Fife lake every 4th of July. My youngest daughter(Rachel) lives in Kalkaska now. Love it up in those parts. Anyway didn't see any spag just so you know and really liked the story a lot! Great job!
Comment Written 11-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2008
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Hello! Thank you for your kind review! I used to go to Flint often with my mother who was a master floral designer in Saginaw for years. We would gt supplies at Nordli's and then we would shop at the mall off of Miller Road - and eat at Bill Knapp's! Good times...Kalkaska is just down the road about 25 mles. I, too, have a daughter named Rachel! Do stop by again! diane
Comment from AlvinTEthington
The plotless short story is one of the hardest literary forms to manage and you have done well here. You have seamlessly woven two lives and the impact that they had on each other together quite well. One proofreading correction--this sentence
"Oh, someday, Diner, someday.
needs a close quotation mark.
The theme of the train ride and the love and the freedom it represented held the story together quite well.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2008
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The plotless short story is one of the hardest literary forms to manage and you have done well here. You have seamlessly woven two lives and the impact that they had on each other together quite well. One proofreading correction--this sentence
"Oh, someday, Diner, someday.
needs a close quotation mark.
The theme of the train ride and the love and the freedom it represented held the story together quite well.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2008
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Much appreciation for your thoughtful review, Alvin. And thank you for noting the lost quotation mark! diane
Comment from Judian James
Your essay brought me to tears because I had the same wonderful relationship with my father and I lost him at just 16 years old. It was devastating. This is beautifully written and I had to stop three times due to tears ... that's how well you can evoke emotions in the reader. Someday when you have a minute please read "Dancing with Dad" and "Hammocking" in my portfolio. Perhaps I can return the favor and bring you to tears too!
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2008
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Your essay brought me to tears because I had the same wonderful relationship with my father and I lost him at just 16 years old. It was devastating. This is beautifully written and I had to stop three times due to tears ... that's how well you can evoke emotions in the reader. Someday when you have a minute please read "Dancing with Dad" and "Hammocking" in my portfolio. Perhaps I can return the favor and bring you to tears too!
Comment Written 11-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2008
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Hello Friend! Three times??? That is an enormous compliment! Thank you so much for stopping by and appreciating my offering. I will definitely find time this week to visit your offerings as well. . .But no more crying! diane
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Ah Friend! So pleased you enjoyed my offering! My father was such a huge part of my life...I am looking forward to reading your offerings that you suggested. But no more crying! Enough!!! diane
Comment from complicatedrenee
What a wonderful memory of your father you have still living within you. I'm glad you shared it with me. A train whistle will never be the same as it once was. I will often think back on your childhood, even though I don't know you at all.
Renee'
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What a wonderful memory of your father you have still living within you. I'm glad you shared it with me. A train whistle will never be the same as it once was. I will often think back on your childhood, even though I don't know you at all.
Renee'
Comment Written 11-Apr-2008
Comment from WanderingJester
This was quite the wonderful piece. Informative, caring, sweet, and sad. I found myself with a lump in my throat after reading it. You're father seemed like quite the man and I'm glad that you were able to share so much with him. Keep up the good work.
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This was quite the wonderful piece. Informative, caring, sweet, and sad. I found myself with a lump in my throat after reading it. You're father seemed like quite the man and I'm glad that you were able to share so much with him. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2008
Comment from RaymondJohn
After reading this I really regret there isn't any way to award the sixer you so much deserve. It's the best possible form of nostalgia because it evokes the longing we all feel for something left undone. By all reckoning, you did all the best things together. I haven't heard "Carter's Little Liver Pills'" for ages, and I lile all the poems ou mention. I used to catch sunnies and bullheads at our cabin. Once I caught a twenty pound carp On a piece of corn I had thrown out
with a rock attached to the line.
The ending brought tears to my eyes. It reminded too much of my father's passing/ Exceptional work. Much love.
Since I can't beg. borrow or steal another six, I'll award a banner deluxe. It;s the very least I can do. Ray
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2008
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After reading this I really regret there isn't any way to award the sixer you so much deserve. It's the best possible form of nostalgia because it evokes the longing we all feel for something left undone. By all reckoning, you did all the best things together. I haven't heard "Carter's Little Liver Pills'" for ages, and I lile all the poems ou mention. I used to catch sunnies and bullheads at our cabin. Once I caught a twenty pound carp On a piece of corn I had thrown out
with a rock attached to the line.
The ending brought tears to my eyes. It reminded too much of my father's passing/ Exceptional work. Much love.
Since I can't beg. borrow or steal another six, I'll award a banner deluxe. It;s the very least I can do. Ray
Comment Written 11-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2008
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Ray! Much appreciation for your kind review. And thank you so much the banner deluxe; no one has made that gesture. A number of reviewers have shared that my offering brought them to tears. My father was just an exceptional human being; I miss him every day. . . diane
